A Favor/Advice 

Do yourself a favor and remember this bit of advice :

Anyone who values you and genuinely wants to get to know you/continue a relationship with you (friendship/otherwise), will make it a point to stay in touch with you without you nudging/asking them to do so. Period. Don’t entertain anyone who is not willing to make that effort and invest their time in you. You matter. 

Mr. “Used to be”

This past weekend a good friend of mine came into town on business (for work) as he often does every so many months and stayed over my place. It’s interesting because his job will pay for him to stay in a hotel, but he always prefers my home. Mind you, we dated for just shy of a year about 3 years back, so this isn’t just any run of the mill “friend”. Read More

No eggs with a side of drinks 

Tonight I have a date with this guy I barely know. Although I’ve been out here and there since my most recent failure, I really haven’t been taking it extremely serious. I think that’s going to be my approach from now on. Talking back and forth for a week (sometimes more), meeting up and then rushing through stages of a relationship (f2f) is exhausting, plus it hurts when you wake up to realize you invested all of this time and energy into someone who turned out to be someone completely different than the person they portrayed themselves to be. You feel stupid and cheap, even if you took longer than the other party to fall in “like”. It’s like in going out tonight I have zero expectations, zero anticipation and zero attachment. I’m just looking at it as an excuse to drink since I don’t have work tomorrow, plus good conversation is always fun. I at least hope this guy can carry on a good face to face conversation 🙃.

Things I know about this guy:

1. He plays hockey

2. He is a chemist for his “day job”

3. He likes comics

4. Likes to travel and recently went to Italy

5. Has a dog

6. Is tall

7. Seems respectful

This should be interesting & if it’s a total disaster, we’ve only been speaking since Friday and we’ve only spoken about surface information. No eggs are in the basket here. No pressure.

Life Lessons Learned @ Work

Yesterday, I stayed late at work for a monthly committee meeting. I mostly attended the meeting to show face, but I think attending this particular meeting changed my state of mind for the better.

I’ve been in a huge FUNK for most of this year actually and I wasn’t having a particularly great day emotionally (yesterday) either. Imagine my surprise when the topic of discussion at yesterday’s committee meeting was burn-out, depression and suicide rates among healthcare professionals. Not just young ones, but even ones in the range of their 60s and 70s.

It amazed me to learn that maybe…just MAYBE I’m not entirely alone in sometimes feeling “blue” or “defeated”. It can feel that way when you’re dealing with depression. It feels like the world is moving all around you and you’re just stuck in neutral. Working in healthcare alone can be pretty emotionally draining some days, never mind things going on in your actual personal life.

But it’s OK.

In the meeting, we discussed ways to recognize these signs of burn-out and depression among our peers and shared resources on places to seek help. We also discussed taking care of YOURSELF. So often do we get so caught up in our work priorities, that we forget to slow down and take care of ourselves. They mentioned even little things like being so caught up in work that you forget neglect to make doctor’s appointments for yourself (guilty). This has been on my “to-do” list since at least the summertime.

They even touched on mental health and how it’s such a huge phobia to deal with mental/behavior health issues as a healthcare professional because healthcare professionals are typically seen as being immune to having health issues in general. Not only is there a phobia within the field, but even within certain cultures/races, it’s just shoved under the rug as not being a legit “issue”.

Anyway. I felt rejuvenated after the committee meeting because it was like the universe knew I needed to hear these things. For the first time in about two weeks, I really feel like I’ll get over whatever this is and that it is ok sometimes to admit that, “hey, I’m not doing ok”.

 

Down Here.

It’s been about 2 weeks and I still have moments of frustration and bitterness. I’ll have to elaborate on this, but later for sure.

I don’t want to deal with emotions this week. Sooo….I’ll be over here. Yep, down here.

cat hiding

Jackpot!

So, apparently the mega million jackpot is now at an astonishing 900 million dollars! I can’t even fathom that amount of money! Even after taxes, that amount of money would bananas!

I’ve had several friends, co-workers and family members ask me:

“What would you do if you won the mega million jackpot”

 

Aside from this:

weeknd.gif

Here are the things I would do (after waking up from passing out):

  1. I would immediately call out of work–no, not quit, just call out the day after with no explanation.
  2. Hire a financial advisor — maybe. Not sure if I’d trust just anyone to do this.
  3. Delete ALL of my social media and turn my phone the fuck off.
  4. I would get a TracFone in an alias name
  5. Claim the coins! (in my state, you have to claim it in your actual name)
  6. Resign from my job as soon as I claim the money.
  7. Go to the most expensive restaurant in my area in sweatpants and order the most expensive meal they offered. I would then tip the waiter/waitress $1,000.
  8. Legally change my name
  9. Pay off all of my student loan debt, car loan, credit cards, etc with a lovely, “fuck you” included with the checks
  10. Drop cash to have a house built in the suburbs (with a fence of course)
  11. Drop by the dealership of a car place to buy a new car STRAIGHT CASH MONEY
  12. Pay off the house my parents just bought, pay off their cars and give them money so that they can retire early (even though they are about to retire now)
  13. Give my close circle friends and family that I regularly speak to some money–and that’s it. No one else.
  14. Donate money: towards education/research at my current employer, to my alma mater, homeless shelters, food banks, animal shelters and towards the research of cancer and diabetes.
  15. Book a one-way ticket to London and start my journey to travel across the world. I would take as much time as I wanted to in each country that I visited. I would travel write and I would return when my house is finished (probably a few months)
  16. Chill.

Winning that amount of money would be a blessing for sure, but I would try to remain as level-headed as humanly possible.

I’m curious to know what other people would do. I’m sure everyone would get joy in knowing they would be able to free themselves of debt, quit their jobs and do whatever the hell they wanted indefinitely (if they can manage their money well).

Refocus.

In honor of the twitter trending topic #wastehistime2016, I decided now would be as good as any time to start blogging semi-regularly again.

It’s funny, because the trending topic brought up many memories of just how messy and wasteful 2015 was for me in terms of “dating”. I’m going to leave that in quotes because I don’t particularly want to claim any of the guys that I “dated” last year. I’d like to indefinitely cut ties with  most all of them and move forward with 2016 on a squeaky clean slate.

The most recent guy I dated (this is not in quotations because he willingly went around publically telling people we were actually dating after the first week?–WTF), turned out to be the biggest waste of time and energy from all of last year hands down. I’m not going to go into a great deal of detail about him, but I learned the valuable lesson of never rebounding with someone else who is also on the rebound, because you both tend to be messy as hell and move entirely too quickly with no defined path. We had our fun here and there, but the situation would have never realistically sustained itself in the long run. There were so many flags on the play.

Anyway, I have found myself to be exhausted after that situation (and last year in general), so I’ve decided to take a break from dating to heal and refocus. I’d like to refocus on my career, my hobbies, family, friends and blogging!

Here’s to hoping that 2016 is better than 2015 and that I find my inner peace.

I also hope to actually keep up with blogging this year.