Mr. “Used to be”

This past weekend a good friend of mine came into town on business (for work) as he often does every so many months and stayed over my place. It’s interesting because his job will pay for him to stay in a hotel, but he always prefers my home. Mind you, we dated for just shy of a year about 3 years back, so this isn’t just any run of the mill “friend”.

For lack of wanting to reopen unnecessary wounds, let’s just say our “situation” fizzled out due to someone else swooping in. I.E. he decided he wanted to see someone else from his hometown (nearly 600 miles away) and that “relationship” only lasted a rocky 6 months before crashing and burning and him realizing he made a pretty big mistake. All while that was happening, he got a new job and moved about two hours west. We weren’t really speaking for the better part the rest of that year. All of this went down (a few years ago) in the summer and it probably took me until after Christmas to really “get over it”.



Anywho, we’ve both mostly moved past the bumpy roads and we’ve rekindled a bit of an unconventional friendship, but each time I see him now, I can’t help but to sense that he’s still trying to stake claim in my life and it drives me crazy. It drives me crazy because it sends my emotions into a tailspin. I feel like he wants to keep me there because I’m his definition of “comfort”, but at a distance. We’re both entirely too bullheaded to ever seriously make anything work.

I also can’t help but to notice how he seems to reappear or contact me during my times of most extreme emotional distress (in relation to my love life gone astray).  It’s like he knows, but sometimes the familiarity of his presence or even his voice is comforting, even if he doesn’t know it.

He showed up Thursday night and told me he wanted to take me out to some really nice places this weekend, just because. He said it was “all on him” and it was all up to me where I wanted to go but to be thinking about some “really nice places”. He called me Friday night on the way home (to my place) from work and said, “choose somewhere fancy, I’m taking you out tonight”



Granted, I’m not the least bit concerned with money or labels, but it’s really nice for someone to say to you, “I want to take you somewhere really nice and it’s entirely your choice” after working such a crazy long work week and going through so much bullshit lately. I’ve forgotten what that feels like to have someone be nice to me, treat me with respect without expecting anything in return. He’s always been like that, though. Out of everyone I’ve ever dated, he’s been the most respectful one (regarding boundaries) and I find myself setting that standard with everyone else–haha, which is extremely unrealistic!

Friday night we had a really nice sushi dinner, in the pouring down rain and then out for frozen yogurt, and back to my place for movies after. Whenever it rains really hard, he makes it a point to make sure to never allow me to walk directly in the rain. Either he’ll pull his car very close to the entrance, run to go get his car, or hand me his jacket. I had flashbacks to when we were dating again and how that really stood out to me.


Saturday morning, he made a point to be handy and fixed the water pressure in my shower, fixed a clog in my kitchen sink and even changed the bulbs in my headlights. It’s not that I’m incapable of doing any of those things, I’m just lazy and hadn’t gotten around to them. We went out for breakfast, and little bit of shopping and he left later that afternoon.

While it was really nice to see him and to be “pampered” this past weekend, I realistically can’t entertain having any additional feelings for him outside of friendship. He’s a shit texter and is (at times) emotionally unavailable.  I’m not sure how he truly feels, but perhaps it’s in my best interest not to really know.

Ha, it’s funny, because as I’m closing this blog post, he just called to wish me a great day. The well wishes made me smile, even though there’s an icebox where my heart used to be.



  1. blondeception · January 19, 2016

    Seems like he’s sending you some serious mixed messages. Either way, enjoy whatever experience he offers! I wish my previous guys would come over, take me to a fancy dinner and come back just to fix the water pressure in my shower!


    • jazzedout · January 19, 2016

      He always sends really mixed signals in general, which is why I’m very hesitant emotionally to be close to him. I keep him at a distance because of this.


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