So you’ve just gotten home after either a very subpar date or in some cases a horrible date, but you’re not quite sure how to conclude things. Sometimes it’s mutual that there was a lack of chemistry (face to face), therefore, you have an easy “out” and other times you’ve left with one party feeling over the moon confident in the date while the other party doesn’t want a second date (I’ve had this happen a lot).
You could handle this in several ways:
- Completely ignore the other person like an absolute cunt
- Be as blunt as possible and tell the person you don’t want a second date (i.e., example above)
- Thank them for a nice evening, but be clear in your intentions of not wanting a second date.
- Thank them for a nice evening. Leave it at that
- Lie. Tell them you had a good time. Go out with them again. Rinse and repeat several times over until your head explodes. Maybe even marry them and have kids, a dog, a mini van and a white picket fence and fake smile like everything is dandy at PTA meetings and your weekly bible study meetings.
So ok, I was being a little bit sarcastic in the last option, but this is something I struggle with in dating. I’m naturally a nice person, so sometimes I struggle with basically telling a guy, “I don’t want to pursue getting to know you any further”. Part of me feels like a mean person for even being honest (and not liking them as much as I think I should) and the other part of me feels like I am not being open minded enough. Granted, me not wanting to continue to date a guy doesn’t mean I don’t like him as a person, I just might feel like we are not compatible. As I get older, I realize there is a thin line between being open minded and actually putting energy into something that has the potential to work and just tolerating something raggedy for the sake of tolerating it. Knowing the difference and choosing wisely will save you and the other person a great deal of emotional distress. I think honesty is the best policy because, at the end of the day, it is not nice to send mixed signals or completely ghost on someone. Actually, in very rare and EXTREME cases do I find ghosting to be an option (but it is a final option after exhausting many other avenues that involve actually communicating), but that’s for another post and another day.
Anyway, I went out with hockey guy Sunday night for drinks. He asked me to join him for beer nearly 24-36 hours after talking. I don’t typically like to rush into a date so quickly, but I’m getting to the point where I no longer care to prolong back and forth texting for days or weeks either because it’s exhausting. Anyone can be charming through text/emails. That’s not hard. It’s just a waste of energy, especially if you don’t end up really working out.
We met at a moderately crowded sports bar. The atmosphere was a little distracting because there were several games on many loud and rowdy customers sitting all around us. Sports bars for first dates are shaky anyway. We had a steady-ish conversation, but nothing about him in general really
wowed captured me. Sure, he seemed to have a great and steady job, hobbies, interests, a normal relationship with his family, and an idea of what he wanted out of life, but that was it. He was nice and paid for the two beers I had (we both had two beers), but I couldn’t really see dating him. He was mildly attractive (in that kind of clean cut, I have an ‘IT/science job’ way) and intelligent, but there just wasn’t chemistry there.
But like I said in the original post, none of my eggs were in a basket with him. Zero eggs, bitch. I simply thanked him for the drinks via text message and left it at that. I’m sure the feeling was mutual, and that’s ok. I’m glad we just ripped the band-aid off and went out instead of texting back and forth for days or weeks. It was nice to have a beer and chit chat about life.
I’m not actively seeking out dating anyone at the moment, but I’m not entirely opposed to it if I’m asked or I feel like I have chemistry with a guy. I’m just not putting effort into pursuing it right now. I still leaning towards completely detoxing from it next month or two, but we’ll see.