Hate.

I’m exhausted living in the here and now. People have become so hateful towards one another or perhaps people are just more vocal about it through social media and television.  While I’m not perfect, I have tried to always live by the golden rule,

Do unto others and you would have them undo to you

Such a simple phrase that I would hear growing up as a child, has now become so foreign. I don’t understand how people can be so hateful towards each other, especially towards people they may not know on a personal level. How can you hate someone you don’t even know?

I can admit to not favoring many things in life, but it’s difficult for me to wrap my head around sincerely “hating” anyone to their absolute core.

These are some sad times we live in, man.

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“Greging”

settle
I’ve been watching the show, “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” a lot lately. While quite silly, the show takes a stab at some pretty interesting human interactions.

Take one of the main characters, “Greg” for instance. For lack of giving the entire show away, he’s an on again, off again love interest of the show’s star, “Rebecca” (or “Becks”). Josh is not her main love interest though and their “relationship” seems to yo-yo off of the following:

  • She’s bored
  • She’s drunk
  • She’s lonely
  • Her main love interest isn’t paying attention to her

All the while, Greg really likes her, even through her crazy and eratic behavior.

Watching the show got me to thinking, have I ever “greged” anyone?


The short answer to that is, yes, but it’s more of an unintentional thing. There have been times in life where I’ve entertained guys that I wasn’t entirely interested in, but for whatever reason he held just the bare amount of my attention for it to be fun for a season.

Of course, I know this is a horrible thing to do, because no one deserves to be “settled on”. Usually once I realize I’m doing something even remotely similar to this, I try to make it a point not to prolong it.

On the flip side, I know I’ve also been “greged” and while it sucks, I’m more than ok now.

Anyway, I’m not currently “greging” anyone at the moment, but in the show’s own silly way, it heightened my awareness to not:

  1. Settle for someone
  2. Fuck with someone’s emotions
  3. Keep an open mind

Welp, here’s to making it a great Friday.

Texting with a Side of You

He and I were having a casual dinner out Sunday night at one of our his favorite BBQ places. The night was young, “America” was all in the air, the brews were flowing and there he sat…dicking around on his goddamn phone.

spiderman

At first I kind of let it go, because after all, we just spent the ENTIRE day together (which was fun), not to mention most of the previous day together as well (which was also amazing), so what’s a little thumb action on the phone, eh?

Well, 15-20 minutes later the fucking thing is still in his face, he hasn’t uttered a word and I’m like:

kayne - really

This continues until our food comes. By the time our food got there I was infuriated. I’ll blame most of this on PMSing, but at least 30% of my anger was actually rightfully due to being offended. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I believe when you are out with someone, romantic or not, you should FOCUS on engaging and interacting with them in real time, especially if you don’t see them on a regular basis.

It drives me crazy now a days how this has become more and more “acceptable” in society to be so “connected”. People are attached to their fucking phones like a ball and chain and it’s sickening. I remember 10-12 years ago (I’m really aging myself now), I could go out with my friends and we would actually spend time with each other. We only involved our phones to CALL each other to make plans TO hangout. At sixteen, my parents gave me a phone in case of car troubles (I drove a 25 year old car at the time) and I had to be FORCED to use it, because I would never use it or even turn it on. I don’t think I regularly started using my phone for texting or otherwise until I was at least a sophomore in college, but even now it just seems inappropriate to play around on my phone while I’m out with someone, because I know I can’t possibly dick around on my phone that intently AND fully engage myself in a face to face conversation at the same time.

I get that we’re in the age of technology, but I feel like our interactions with each other have become shapeless in a way, because we’re always so anxious to stay connected, to look something up,  to know what’s going on, on our phones, instead of what’s going on right in front of our faces. I’m guilty of it from time to time too, but I’ve been really trying to make a conscience effort to do not do it when I’m out people. ESPECIALLY people I genuinely like spending time with.

Sorry for the tangent, there…

I didn’t bring up my annoyance with him being on his phone at dinner that evening (even though he could tell something was wrong by how quiet I was being the rest of the night). I would have been too upset and might have approached the situation in less of a logical way, so I waited until I the following day after breakfast when I was showered and well rested. We discussed it and he was extremely apologetic about the entire situation. Turns out he hadn’t even realized that he was doing it. He explained that he at times has “tunnel vision” or can be “obsessive” over things to the point of blocking everything else around him out. What was he being “obsessive” about? Building a computer and researching the parts to order online. Which he admitted to the fact that he really could have done that at ANY time. He made sure to go on and on and on the rest of the day about how much fun he has when we’re together and how he really appreciates my company and how he can’t wait until we see each other again.

Ok, that was nice…I just want him to make it a point to not do that again, at least not going on twenty minutes straight.

Oddly enough, I spoke with my mom about this earlier tonight and she didn’t see what the big deal was. This guy can literally do nothing wrong in my mom’s eyes, I swear. Yes, my mom, who is almost 60 said this to me. My mom is also more active on social media than I am, so there’s that. I bet you if she was speaking to me I was on my phone for twenty minutes straight, she wouldn’t agree so much then, would she?

I smell a challenge.

Connections deeper than your d*ck

His amusement is infectious to me. His smile and the way his eyes light when he looks at me with admiration as if I’m the only person in the room sends blood rushing to my cheeks and makes an already steamy night off the charts.

I’m mostly attracted to his intelligence, his general concern for my well being, his protective nature, his goofiness when he’s had too much to drink, his chivalry, his scent, the way he interacts with my parents, the energy he gives off when our skin touches…

It’s been very rare for me to find a guy that I can be around that is just as genuinely intrigued by my intelligence as he is by the rest of my “qualities”.

I compare how every guy makes me feel since I’ve dated since him and very few of them even come close. He set the bar at unachievable levels.

I mean sure, he’s not extremely emotional, but he’s become excellent at picking up on my emotional queues and quickly. He knows the moment my mood shifts, even if I don’t say anything and is apologetic if it’s due to something he said or did.

Just last week I found myself over fling because he couldn’t even come close drawing me in like he does. All I could think about was how obnoxious he was being and how all be was probably truly interested in was hooking up.

Hooking up with someone is easy, but it’s  forming a deep connection with them that’s deeper than your dick, that becomes more challenging.