New week, same shit, same guy.
Last week was my birthday week and it seemed like I celebrated literally all week. Not a bad thing, but in my 29++ age, my body is taking a little longer to recover. During all of this, blast from the past “coincidentally” came to town for work. Skirted in at a little after midnight friday morning and out by early Saturday afternoon. In between the whirlwind “visit”, we basically went to a bar and a half with one of my best friends. I say “and a half”, because he was late to the dinner we were supposed to have, so my bff and I ended up drinking until he arrived. Because my best friend was in tow, there wasn’t much “us” time and most of my memory became hazy after we ubered downtown. For the most part it was good fun, but I’m starting not to feel the same sparks that I used to with him. I know this, because I woke up Saturday hung over, threw on a hoodie, put my hair in a bun and made no effort to doll up. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even put on foundation, maybe just finishing powder over the foundation I slept in the night before, before we went out for breakfast.
I had roughly 3 hours between blast from the past leaving and my date with new guy to freshen up and put together an outfit where my girls were sitting pretty. I went from sweats, to contour, sheer shirt and tight jeans. Sure, he was just taking me out for a belated birthday evening (movie, dinner, etc), but I felt compelled to perfect.
The birthday date was typical as some of our other dates have been(all have been wonderful), with the of course added bonus of cake, card and gift! Blah-de-blah. Overall the night was fun, as our dates normally are, but as I invited him back over to my place for an elaborate cuddle and make out session, I kept thinking, “Am I infuriated with this guy?”
Sure, he’s a fabulous guy and I genuinely look forward to our
outings dates, but a weird anxiety is starting to creep through my brain, like : how long is this going to last? Will this last? What if this ACTUALLY lasts–what do I do then? Do I even know WHAT I’m DOING?!
To be honest, there is a part of me that likes him so much because he fills this gaping VOID that I’ve been nursing for a while, but I’m just hoping that this isn’t the MAJORITY of the reason I like him, because he is an amazing guy. I just don’t want to be attached (especially over a silly reason like that), because being attached means potentially being hurt and of course, that’s never my goal.