I spent much of the last few hours of 2017 randomly road tripping and being fairly intoxicated, but in the midst of all of this craziness, I did take time to reflect on 2017 as a whole. The ups, the downs, the in between moments. I think 2017 as a whole wasn’t a bad year for me. Many amazing things happened and I learned some very valuable life lessons, including allowing myself to to fall in love and be loved in return.
Speaking of which, I briefly spoke to my ex yesterday while on the road. We had a cordial conversation and wished each other a Happy New Year. At the conclusion of our text message conversation, I told him that I hoped 2018 would be a great year for him and I genuinely meant it. He deserves it just as much as I do. Through all of this, I honestly believe he has been as nice as he possibly can be given the situation. This statement was also my way of saying goodbye to him indefinitely. I really don’t want to bring any of that into 2018. I’ve spent enough time and energy on it. I want to let go and move on and I will never be able to do that if we’re still in communication with one another. I will never be able to open my heart to someone else if I’m still stuck on this. This is not to say that I won’t EVER speak to him again, I just need a extended detox. I started the process of taking this detox seriously, by removing photos of him from my phone. I didn’t delete them forever and always, just moved them off of my phone and to a drive. I look forward to the day when/if we reconnect and we’re able to catch up on life as old friends. I still support him in all that he does, as I told him I would a few days ago.
While bringing the new year in with one of my best friends and another one of his friends, I got a phone call from blast from the past wishing me a happy new year. He’s called every year for the past five years. The only year he missed was the first year we met where we spent it together. We sort of lost touch halfway through last year and of course I went MIA after hoping into a relationship that I never really told him about (even when we were in his city visiting for a day last year). I also intentionally refused to speak to him after he never returned my calls and texts telling him I needed a friend to talk to after the break up. When I did finally CALL HIM he addressed my messages, but never explained why he didn’t RETURN my cry for help. Anyway, I’m trying to shed holding grudges and being angry with people in 2018. I’d like to work on our friendship in the coming year and that starts with open communication. I don’t believe we need to be best friends or even speak on a daily basis, but I do want to have confidence in our friendship and that’s something I lost at the end of last year.
Speaking of things I want to work on in this year (not in any order of importance):
- Maintaining a healthy lifestyle (physically, emotionally, mentally)
- Being more open/honest with my emotions/needs
- Financial stability
- Keeping my heart open, but not wearing it on my sleeve
- Staying more organized
Fingers crossed that I’m able to accomplish these goals–I won’t refer to them as “resolutions”, because these are things I’ve technically been working on since the end of last year anyway.
Here’s to a new year. May it be a good one 🙂