I think I’m approaching dating all wrong.
As I mentioned last week (in kind of a silly post), I had a few dates this past weekend. I actually ended up having three, but with two guys (two dates with one of the guys if you’re keeping up with the math here).
Friday, I met up with guy #1 for some Hawaiian cuisine, which I also talk about here. This guy is the one who practically left the planning of our date completely up to me. He barely even selected the day, just mentioned he wanted to “get together” and said to tell him what “I” wanted to do. This was mildly annoying, but I reluctantly “planned” the date anyway.
Things started somewhat awkwardly, but mostly because he gave off these super nervous and socially awkward vibes at first. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me and wouldn’t take off his beanie or coat. As we ordered our food, he barely said a complete sentence to me and I thought to myself, “oh boy”. He eventually snapped out of it and we were able to have a steady conversation. He was mildly funny and seemed to be genuinely nice. After dinner, we grabbed dessert at a coffee shop not too far away for these doughnuts he’d been raving about. Our conversation continued to go well and he asked if I wanted to join him for brunch on Sunday before he went out of town for the week. He seemed nice, so I agreed and the night ended. We awkwardly hugged and went our separate ways.
Saturday, I met up with guy #2 for a museum and dinner date. While this guy took a little more initiative to “plan” the date, he sort of left it up to me to fill in the finer details (what museum we were going to go to and what restaurant dinner wise). At first I was kind of annoyed by that, but it wasn’t so bad…at least I had something to go off of. I opted for the history museum since I had just gone to the science museum (next door) several months prior with my ex (didn’t want those memories), and a local “fancy” pizza place walking distance from the museum.
Our date started late because neither one of us could find parking or each other in the lobby of the museum. After we found one another, we started to walk around the different exhibit halls. As we looked at different exhibits, he provided hilarious commentary about everything we were looking at. It helped ease any butterflies either one of us had and made for a good time. We were so late starting that portion of the date that an hour and a half into it the museum closed and they kicked us out (they basically shut all of the lights out and we couldn’t see the exits)!
We strolled over to our dinner spot (a “fancy” wood fire pizza place that had just opened). It was early in the evening and the dinner crowd hadn’t arrived yet, so we were seated fairly quickly. The waiter already knew we were on a date just by our mannerisms and made sure to take extra care of us and not to interrupt too many of our conversations. We talked about everything, but mostly college, our jobs, our families, hobbies and so on. The conversation was fairly steady and effortless. He seemed nice, but a little silly.
After dinner, we walked a block or two back to our cars to end the night. It was going on about 8 o’clock now and I wanted to go meet some friends a few streets over for the tail end of game night (something we’ve been meeting up for every other week for the past few months). Out of respect, I did not tell my date this, but was lowkey excited that I still had time to kill two birds with one stone…that was until we got to my car. I reached out to hug him and thank him for a lovely afternoon/evening and he hugged me back, but then went in for a kiss. No, not just a peck on the lips…no… full out make-out session. This went on for at least ten or maybe fifteen minutes and I was cold and tired of standing outside. In coming up for air every other minute or so, I would look for instances of escape, but somehow not move quick enough TO escape. I giggled bashfully, but was really like, “dude, wtf”. Even hinting around to being cold and getting ready to head out didn’t fix anything. Our lips were not only locked, he had a tight bear hug grip on me too.
Don’t get me wrong…I didn’t mind kissing him (he wasn’t a bad kisser) and he wasn’t FORCING me to kiss him, it was just a bit much and a tad bit on the aggressive side. Like dude, this is date #1, chill.
I eventually “broke free” and he asked if I was interested in going on another date with him (actually in his words, “do I deserve a second date”?).
Which sidebar, stop asking these things. It’d be kind of awkward if the person was like, “nope”. Like, I think you’ll get a vibe if a second date is in the clouds…and let date #1 kind of settle before moving on to #2.
We vaguely discussed doing dinner closer out by his place and left it at that. After parting ways, I met up with my friends for the tail end of game night and bar hopping. We ended up ending the evening over a bond fire with some cocktails. I probably overdid it on the drinks.
On Sunday, I woke up to persistent rain and didn’t feel like getting out of the bed to do anything, let alone meet up with guy #1 for brunch. I reluctantly got up and got dressed and met up with him as I promised I would.
Date #2 with him was a little more awkward than date #1 if that’s even possible. He seemed a tad bit (more) nervous and at times distracted or “in the clouds”. He was also slightly agitated that there was a wait to be seated (like a ten minute wait—but it was Sunday brunch, that’s common). I tried to hide the fact that I was in a bad mood (due to exhaustion) and pretended to mostly be engaged in the date…which seemed to last for hours… and hours…but I think only really lasted maybe two hours. Luckily, the date ended because the restaurant was closing early due to the superbowl. I saw an opportunity to say my goodbyes and move on with my day and mentioned needing to head to the grocery store next door to pick up some items for a superbowl gathering I was going to later. I expected guy#1 to take the hint and realize that our date was over and it was time to part ways, but instead, he invited himself ALONG to go shopping with me, because he didn’t have to be anywhere for the next hour.
This floored me, but I kept my composure. I no longer wanted to force interaction with him. I was at my max of social interaction for the weekend. My “fake it” was running on “E” by this point and I really just wanted to be alone. I couldn’t concentrate on what I needed to get with him being there in my personal space. I finally just gave up and told him I would probably just order pizza and bring that to the gathering (which I did actually end up doing).
I knew our goodbye was going to have to be abbreviated since it was raining pretty hard and I was going to have to make a run for it to my car, but before I darted off he awkwardly stood there as if he wanted to kiss me, but wanted to wait for me to move in closer to him. I did not and instead just gave him a long distance hug. Overall, date #2 annoyed me, but mostly because it felt forced (since he was going to be out of town the next week) and I wasn’t in the right head space to entertain it.
Overall, here is my assessment:
Guy#1: I liked him as person. He seems genuinely kind, hardworking and loyal. I feel like he would treat the person he dates really well, but I’m not sure if that person should be me, because I didn’t feel any sparks or chemistry there. I didn’t leave either date overly excited or starry eyed. I felt that our interactions (at times) dragged a bit longer than they needed to. After date #2, he sent me a text going on about how he wondered if we should have “kissed” and did I “feel” that “urge” too.
I did not. I felt zero urge to kiss him.
We’ve texted back and forth since, but I’ve mostly just kept my responses kind of to the point. Oh! He also went on this tangent at brunch about how he hungout with his ex the night before because the guy she left him for just broke up with her…what?
The good thing is, with him being gone this week, it gives me a chance to think through whether or not I want to proceed any further with him. I’d hate to be mean and cut things off, but I also don’t want to string him along either.
Guy #2: I also liked him as a person—even though, sidebar, he rubbed me the wrong way earlier last week via text when he made a racist joke (not a joke about MY race, but still). Aside from that, he semi redeemed himself by being a little bit more decent in person. He looked nice for our date and was good company. He made me laugh and I genuinely enjoyed our time together. I never felt like time was dragging while we were out. He’s also very tall, smelled nice and was fairly cute.
Will this continue though? I don’t think so. While I had fun with him and enjoyed his company, I also don’t know if we have enough chemistry to regularly date. He seems like he would be fun on occasion to go to a sports bar or maybe see a game, but I’m not sure how “serious” he would take dating and I don’t want to date a clown or someone who doesn’t know when to be serious (when it’s time to be serious). I mean, just the fact that he somehow thought aggressively making out with me was mutually desired is a little weird. Did I give off that vibe? Also, we live in separate cities (though I work and spend a great deal of time in the city he lives in), so that makes it somewhat difficult to regularly get together, I guess and I’ve dealt with that before and it gets old.
While we’ve sort of “loosely” planned something for Saturday (I think he wants to do a “pub crawl” and asked which places I wanted to “explore”), I don’t see it happening. Besides, that’s not really a date? That’s something I do with my friends when we’re blowing off steam. What happens if one or both of us gets too drunk to drive home??? Especially me, since I’d have a half hour drive ahead of me. We’ve still been in touch via text, but at a much slower rate…more of a just texting out of obligation vibe. This could be for many reasons, but for me (as of yesterday), this is due to the loss of excitement….and maybe leading into more loss of interest.
There have been some other guys (like three) that have asked me on dates, but I’ve sort of stalled with all them. I’m not really sure if I want to date anyone right now. I thought I did or that I’d approach this a little differently (or with a more optimistic attitude). On one end, I feel like I’m being super anal and on the other end I feel like I’m being overly lax about what I truly want, which is why I’m having the issues with Guy #1 and Guy #2 happen.
Valentine’s day coming up next week doesn’t help matters either. I’m trying not to be that person that wants to be with someone to say I’m with them on V-day, but it’s hard, especially when I know that day is going to suck *EXTRA* hard this year….and I have to work late that night. Shoot me in the eye.