So part of my goals for 2018 was to leave any of the hateful, bitter and downright ugly emotions I experienced at the very end of 2017 behind. What time to start new, start fresh and look towards the future, right? Of course, this was way easier said than done, especially a couple of days into the new year, but I’m happy to report that it’s gotten easier and I feel like a much more normalized version of myself (still working on it though).
Of course a HUGE part of this attitude adjustment was to finish the healing process, forgive my ex (and think of the experience as a life lesson) and to genuinely wish him well. The last part took the longest by far, haha. As sweet as he is, for a few months I really wasn’t in the right mental or emotional space to wish him well and that’s ok. I’m HUMAN and I needed to get through it (all the feels) and get to the other side of feeling better. What’s important is that I didn’t act on or verbalize much of my (lack of) well wishes.
So fast forward to present day and things are much better. We’ve actually spoken a few times over the past couple of weeks and we actually chatted via text for a little while after work yesterday. He updated me on his house hunt and told me he had put an offer on a place. Fun fact, his house (should he get it) is less than a mile down the street from my parent’s house. Ha, I’m not sure how I feel about that, but good for him regardless.
The house he has his eyes on is an older house in need of significant repairs and he has it in his heart to completely renovate it “on his own” as much as humanly possible. He’s been talking about this since I’ve known him actually. I remember walking around IKEA with him one night and watching his eyes light up with excitement over all of the possibilities. It’s like his thing. That’s quite a task to take on, but I believe in him and believe he’s motivated enough to make it happen. He’s got a really creative mind and I just know something fabulous will come out of it.
All in all he seems to be a in good place too. I remember him not doing so well right around Thanksgiving, so I’m glad that he at least seems to be better too. Neither one of us went into any specific detail about our dating lives, but then again, I don’t find that to be a topic I feel that I owe him an elaborate narrative on or do I feel the need to know an elaborate explanation on his either.
I’m very proud of myself, because several months ago I would have approached all of this in an emotionally reckless and self-destructive fashion. I’m happy I can find genuine happiness for someone without any ill will or petty motives brewing AND without any lingering ROMANTIC feelings on top of all of that. I can talk to him in a completely platonic way and feel nothing there (outside of maybe acquaintanceship–I wouldn’t say that we’re “friends” just yet) . I get joy out of knowing those things are happening for him. It feels great to no longer have a heart saturated in sadness and hate.