I was having sangria on a good friend’s patio Saturday afternoon and having a bit of a chat with her boyfriend.
We were just casually talking about the weather and all sorts of current events going on in the world. He’s a cool guy and such a great fit for my friend. I’m over the moon happy for them. Somehow in the conversation the topic of facebook came up to which he said,
Oh, she and I aren’t even facebook friends. I do have my relationship status as “in a relationship” though.
His statement kind of took me by surprise. I mean, the two of them (at least around all of us) have been fairly public with their relationship, why wouldn’t they be friends on facebook? Is that necessary though? Should they even need to parade their relationship all over social media like that? Especially if he admittedly doesn’t really “do facebook like that”.
He admitted to not really being “active” on facebook and it just not really crossing his mind to even befriend his (now) girlfriend and that he didn’t see it as being a huge deal, which got me to thinking…
I’ve been spending quite a bit of time with The Teacher lately. As I mentioned previously, we’re together now several times a week with overnighters mixed in, but confession time… the one thing no one knows (at least in MY life) is that he’s (now) my boyfriend.
Yep. The “B” word. I haven’t even really typed that, let alone really said that out loud to anyone in my life until now. It just hasn’t been something I’ve elaborated on much with anyone, outside of one my best friends and even he doesn’t know the extend of it all (he just knows we’ve spent quite a bit of time together lately). It’s more so something I’m trying to wrap my head (and heart) around for now. I don’t want to get ahead of myself? I mostly just want to focus on establishing a sturdy foundation and taking it day by day, week by week or whatever. I mean, just a few weeks ago I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to date anyone at all…so I want to make sure that I’m actually holding up my end of the deal and for me that means I need to focus.
For the past few weeks, this relationship has been great and while this may seem kind of fast, we’ve technically been sort of seeing each other (casually) for a few months, I just had some other things sort of holding my attention? I’ve tried to really make huge efforts to focus on spending just uninterrupted, us time together and so far so good. Lately, I’ve made appearances with friends (w/out him for now) and mysteriously vanished without giving my friends much detail as to where I’m even going or what I’m even doing. I don’t think it’s their business and I’m protective of my love life and want to ensure that my relationship is heading in the right direction before integrating the two.
Ideally, I’d like to be a “good girlfriend”, but I also don’t want to be so consumed with a relationship that I lose my identity. I do feel bad though, because I’ve met a handful of his friends (before we were an “item”) and he seems to talk fairly highly about me to them and equally talks about them quite frequently when we’re together (indicating that he’s close to them). Meanwhile, he’s not only not met any of my friends (he knows I have quite a large friend group because I’ve vaguely told him about them–but also not in a lot of detail or even by name(s) ), I’ve said very little if anything to them about him. They know I’m dating (or have been dating), but all of the details become “muddy” from there. I always find myself dodging specific questions and deflecting topics off of my personal life and towards other less personal things. I just don’t want to elaborate on it (yet). I feel like that’s just my (well I guess our) business.
Even though The Teacher is not my usual “type” (or well, maybe he is in a round about way), I’m not “ashamed” of our relationship or even him as a person. I like him. What it really boils down to is that it’s been a few months since I’ve been in a relationship, so I’m trying to “adjust” back into that mindset so to speak, but also attempting to maintain some sense of normalcy and sanity in the process. I don’t want to rush things or “lose” myself in someone out of lust or infatuation. I want to approach it logically and I want it to be meaningful and for these feelings to be real and grow organically. I want to take it seriously and for me that means to really take the time and energy to focus on it. I feel like we’re on the same page and I appreciate him being respectful and patient because I’m coming off of a few months of crazy.
One thing that kind of pushed me closer to the idea of being more “public” about our relationship (at least with my friends) was meeting up with a group of my friends Friday (after work) to check out an art exhibit that’s in town. I haven’t hung out with some of the group that was there in some time and I noticed two of them were coupled up with their new baes (I’d say 2/3 of my main friend group are single). I watched as they did all of the little cute things that new couples do (the hand holding, the PDA, the giggles and inside jokes), it was all very cute and I was happy for all of them. In fact, all around us were dozens of couples walking hand in hand together, enjoying each other’s company. Spending time there made me oddly sentimental.
Anyway, we ended up spending Saturday evening through Sunday afternoon together. We spend much of Sunday sleeping and talking before grabbing a late brunch. Our conversations always so colorful. I enjoy the time we spend together just talking the most. We talked about everything from movies we want to see, to short (day/overnight) trips we plan to take and even his looming 30th birthday which is in two weeks (he seems less than excited about that though).
For right now, I’m enjoying things. I enjoy our time together and I look forward to what’s to come. I’m just taking things day by day and week by week. I can imagine when (or if it gets to that point) I do introduce him to friends/family, their reactions will be, “You have a WHOLE ASS boyfriend and didn’t tell anyone?”
And in case I didn’t make the connection clear in this post, he and I are also not facebook friends, much like my other friend and her boyfriend, because I also admittedly suck at regularly using facebook. It wouldn’t bother me if he were, it just wouldn’t change the frequency of time I devote to even logging into the site.