Mr. Swagoo

So I’ve been meaning to write a follow up post about dude from valentine’s day, let’s just call him, “mr. swagoo”. As I mentioned in that post, I was instantly drawn to him because he was so cool. He’s traveled to all of these amazing places, seemed really smart, was very well put together, dressed very professionally and was very kind and non judgemental to everyone. Talking to him seemed to come second nature to me and we spent hours in a bar valentine’s day chatting, which sealed our solid friendship.

Fast Forward several weeks and we’ve even gone out a few times (solo) as friends. One Saturday night, he took me to a concert downtown. It was kind of a lame concert (a friend of his got free tickets and gave them to him), but it was still fun being there with him and cracking jokes about everything around us.

Friday night I had a huge gathering for my birthday at this local Mexican restaurant and he came out despite not really knowing any of my other friends, which I thought was sweet, especially since we’ve known each other MAYBE three and a half weeks. He immediately integrated in with everyone as if he had known them all for years and even really hit it off with another good friend that I recently met a week or two coming off of the break-up. He “worked the room” much better than I did (after a  while, I became too drunk and overwhelmed to really move around like that and just sort of allowed people to come to me).

After chatting with everyone, he came back over to me and bought me a few drinks (he his a jack and coke, old fashion or bourbon neat sort of guy–classy). The way he sat close to me and placed his hand on mine as we chatted caused me to tune everyone else out and tune into to him exclusively. He tuned everyone out as well and focused just on me. We talked about getting together in the coming week for dinner and HIS birthday dinner the following weekend (which he invited me to the same night that we met). He left towards the end of the dinner as my other friends started talking about making plans to venture downtown. He gave me this huge bear hug and told me to text him. He explicitly also asked me to text him later to let him know I made it home ok too (after the tomfoolery downtown with friends). As the responsible adult that he is, he mentioned needing to get some rest so he could tend to his yard work in the morning.  He owns his own house about five minutes down the road from my townhome (which I am renting-eek) and I found out through conversation that he owns a corvette (o__o) as a second car. Clearly I’m not living my best life, folks.

After his departure, one of my lifelong best friends (who was also there) made a comment to me about how nice mr. swagoo seemed and even asked if there was something going on between us.


At first I found this funny until I actually thought about it (in my drunken mind) and how I may have been unintentionally friendzoning him. Oops. I thought back to all of the times he asked to “hangout” and how half of those times I declined in order to dick around with friends or the guys HALF his worth I’ve been dating. I thought about how he always texts me and how responsive, funny and very kind he is in his texts. I thought about how well we clicked that night we met and how non-judgemental he is. I thought about how I’ve seen numerous examples of how sweet and thoughtful he is…and I thought about how nice he dressed.

Why have I been blind to this?! Have I really spent this many weeks in a consistent drunken haze that I haven’t noticed?!

I think what it boils down to (and I did a tweet thread about this last weekend) is that I’m so used to having guy friends that I often don’t think twice about it. I just assume if I met a guy under the realm of a friendly environment, friends we sha’ll be! I rarely stop to think, “maybe this guy quite possibly may want to be all up in my guts…or in the very least, might want to entertain getting to know me beyond friends”. It literally takes a guy shaking me and shouting that he wants to date me sometimes in order for me to realize these things. This might also have something to do with self esteem (although much better than years past) and how I don’t really believe I’m anyone’s “type” or truly believe guys when they tell me they like or me that I’m beautiful. Yeah I know, this is wild. I’m working through this.

I’m not saying this guy is any of those things and for all I know maybe he’s just really nice and enjoys my company just as I enjoy his. I will say that my eyes are open now and I’m starting to pay a little bit more attention to him. I’d like to get to know him more, even if it’s as friends. He had my curiosity, now he has my attention. He’s not even my “type”, which might be perfect, because clearly my “type” hasn’t been working out so well these last few years. I realized this weekend that I find him to be extremely sexy. He just has swag out of this atmosphere and I want to be around the good vibes he’s putting off.

Anyway, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself here, I just plan to be a bit more on alert than before. I’m fine being friends with him because he’s unlike anyone else in my life right now and I think he offers a different perspective on life. He’s allowing me to reconsider what I want out of life and how maybe I’m holding back just a bit on some of my goals and dreams.



Seal it with a Dozen Texts

This morning, I received an angry text from a guy I went on two date with (never wrote about him), before kindly telling him that I thought he was nice, but that I didn’t feel any chemistry with him. He has literally spent all week trying to manipulate me into “going out with him” anyway, even though I continue to decline.

He went on a this rant about how I never make time for him and how I should “tell my friends” that I have better priorities than them or some such nonsense and I guess because I didn’t respond five minutes after he sent that,  he took that as me giving him the “silent treatment” and then followed up with 10-12 additional “double texts” as I continued my drive in to work. My phone seemed to be dinging every other minute. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?!

This aggravated the pure T fuck out of me.

First of all, I’ve explicitly told this guy that I didn’t think we had a lot of chemistry and that I didn’t think we should proceed any further, but yet all week he’s been trying to manipulate and guilt trip me into “going out” with him anyway, to which I’ve declined to and told him it’s my birthday week and I have things going on everyday this week. I don’t personally think I even need to explain any of that to him in the first place! I guess that touched a nerve. Second of all, I HATE when people send multiple text messages back to back to back to back like that without giving you an appropriate amount of time to even process what they said and to respond. That’s borderline insanity and super obnoxious. If you’re sending novel length text messages (particular if you’re being emotionally irrational), allow the person you’ve sent it to, to process it. Even if I did halfway want to consider seeing him again (which I especially don’t now), he’s making me want to be extremely mean to him. I always try to be as nice as I can in these situations, but I’m not in the mood today to deal with anyone’s bullshit, especially not his. When I finally made it to work, I told him that I got all dozen of his fucking text messages (I said this verbatim) and asked him to stop sending me texts because I was DRIVING that I would respond when I settled into work. I eventually sent him a message reiterating the fact that I needed to decline his offer to “go out” and made it clear that this was in indefinite decline. I tried to lace it up with, “you’re a nice guy, you deserve x, y and z, best of luck to you…” but I feel like it came off really insincere because he pissed me off and I’m already in a shitty mood today.

Self Summary.


First Date Planning

I just have to take a moment to talk about a mild annoyance of mine in regards to dating and that is when someone (in my case a guy) asks you on a FIRST date, but then expects or relies on you to plan it.

So ok, I get that the guy is trying to make sure that whatever the two of you do is something that you’ll like, but at the same time, I’m not so difficult to please that I’ll turn my nose up at any suggestion he has. To me, if we’ve talked enough to one another for the topic of going on a date to come up, I feel like at that point, he would know enough surface things about me to kind of run with an idea.

Like hey, she likes college basketball, pizza and breweries…Perhaps we could start with a a local college basketball game (relatively cheap if the team sucks) and then I can take her to this really cool brewery a few blocks away that’s known for having the best pizza in the city (yes, a place like this actually exists in my city).

BOOM. Done. Date planned.


I don’t know, maybe it’s more complex than that. Perhaps everything is these days, but I’d rather have the guy spend less time placing the owness on me (for first dates) and more time just suggesting an outing that’s to the point so we can continue to get to know one another. And yes, I have asked a guy on a date and I have suggested something for us to do based on our shared interests. And yes, the times I have done that have gone well.

Let me be clear, this mostly annoys me with FIRST dates. I’m all about sharing the planning responsibility after that date (even grabbing the tab–yes, I will grab the time from time to time). I just feel like if you’re asked out and you agree, maybe the person should have an idea of what they’d like to do WITH you?

Maybe I’m just being ungrateful, but it’s just a pet peeve of mine (or maybe I was just REALLY spoiled with that). I like it when a guy takes initiative and doesn’t allow you to stress out over coming up with something for the two of you to do. I like that he asks your preferences (or through conversation REMEMBERS things you’ve said) and takes those into consideration with planning the date. That’s hugely attractive to me.

I’ve had to “plan” 1.5 dates for this upcoming weekend. I say 1.5, because with one guy I had to literally pick the day, time and restaurant after he asked me if I was free to go out later on this week, but wanted me to put together the details so it would be, “something that I like”.




The other guy took a little more initiative and suggested we go out Saturday and framed our date activity as being a museum and dinner after, but kind of left it up to me to pick WHICH museum (we have at least a dozen in the surrounding area) and WHAT dinner place (there are too many to count in this area). I feel like we’ve spoken enough to where he could have probably gone a step further and fleshed out those details, but whatevs. I tried information gathering on his favorite types of cuisine last night via text, but all I got from that is that he doesn’t like mayo based salads (but who does?).  At least he did more than the other guy I guess. I won’t talk about the third guy, because I’m not sure if I want to go on a date with him right now.

Anyway, I suppose part of the frustration is that I dated a guy once that would NEVER make any decision as to what we did or where we would go (he would also rarely drive if it required us to take one car some place if we decided to go that route instead of meeting one another there). He would just ask for us to “get together” and that was it. And, on top of that, he had the nerve to be slightly picky. It became super annoying towards the end because I felt like he wasn’t even trying and it was exhausting to constantly plan out dates that he asked me to go on. But then on the other end of the spectrum, my ex almost always took initiative with these things (almost to a fault at times–like to itinerary levels–which could be a different kind of annoyance for another post). On our first date he literally just needed to know if I was free on a certain day and time and he ran with it. Even tossed in some “in the moment” additions to the date that worked. He actually never asked me “out” unless he had an idea of what we were doing already in  his head. Also, gotta make sure things are going well on the initial “planned” part of your date before assuming you’re about to hop around town to continue it. He should teach a class to these street urchins.

All of this rambling about dates is making sleepy and annoyed. Where is my emotional support peacock?!! I need him.



“Fight Club”

Within the last month or so, I’ve slightly entertained dating again. I’m in a good place now and I feel like I’m realistically ready to venture back in. I’ve kept a pretty open mind about it and have made sure to meet people (guys) in a variety of ways (in person, through friends, over shared hobbies, online, etc). I’ve also made it a point to not seriously devote more than a fourth of my life to “actively seek” love or companionship, because I don’t “need it”. I’m happy enough with myself that I’m ok with being by myself. Those things are nice (when they’re meaningful and have substance), but I’ve learned that having someone in your life should only enhance your happiness, not exclusively bring happiness into your life. I also haven’t been super serious about committing to any one guy, because I don’t need to right now. I’m not interested in hopping right back into a relationship. I’m good on that.  I’m ok with being single, doing my own thing and spending time with friends. As I mentioned some time back, dating helps you identify if someone is a good match for you. It’s silly to dive head first into the first person that has a shared interest with you.

Ok, enough of the reflection introduction…

As I mentioned, I’m entertaining multiple avenues of meeting guys. Of course, one of the avenues is online dating. Ha. It seems so taboo to me (even in 2018), but everyone is busy and it’s just another means to put yourself out there. While I’ve spoken to a few guys up there, I haven’t taken it extremely seriously just yet (more on this in a future post)…So imagine my shock when I get a message last night from a guy I know IRL.

So here’s the thing, I’ve seen several guys online that I know IRL (mostly as acquaintances), but my rule of thumb is to not interact with them online. Hell, I even saw a mild crush of mine online, but it’s pointless to communicate there. I mean, if we know each other IRL, and there isn’t enough spark to entertain dating or “getting to know one another”, why interact online? It seems counterproductive, ha.


fight club


So of course, you can imagine my shock when I login and read the message from a guy I already know.

Hey–how are you doing? Do you remember me? We went to college together and worked together, ha. Small world. How are you doing??

At first, I wasn’t quite sure how to even respond to this because it was awkward. Eventually I wrote back to let him know I was fine and hoped he was doing well too. I didn’t ask any questions as to intentionally dead end the conversation.  I’m not sure what his point in messaging me was, to be honest. Perhaps he was on a Walter Mitty mission?

walter mitty

I’m not going to explain each specific detail, but in a nutshell, Walter discovers his crush has a somewhat active dating profile and wants to date her before someone else does. He realizes in reading her profile, that she’s looking for someone full of adventure and realizes he hasn’t done a lot of adventurous things in his life…so he sets out to change that and goes on a weird self discovery quest of sorts. It’s a cute movie.

Anyway, hopefully that’s the end of our interaction really. I wasn’t his biggest fan when we worked together (and went to college together), so unless he’s done a 180, I’m not interested in entertaining anything with him IRL.

We’ll see.


Jaded & Empathic

Well, it’s another sunny day in my world—being most sarcastic of course, but it was a mildly interesting day to say the least. We got pizza at work and I ended up explaining my ex’s vasectomy to my mom (don’t ask).

Today, I received a peculiar response from a guy that I had been messaging on an app. He seemed “shocked” that “someone like me” would have been interested enough to respond to him *clutch to pearls and stop the press right now*. He eagerly wanted to know why I responded.

Like…is that earth shattering? I mean, up until now you seemed normal?

I told him in reading his profile he seemed nice and down to earth. He asked me if that was rare, to which I replied, “yes, a lot of guys up here seem to be really jaded and bitter.” Well, I must have touched a sore spot because he sent me a novel in response. I’m not even going to write everything he said because it was stupid. I’ll just summarize:

He basically said a lot of guys have been hurt really bad by women and they were tired and didn’t believe in love anymore. They were so hurt in fact, that they just couldn’t take it anymore and I should feel empathy for them…because poor them. He also went on a tangent about how he knows guys are “sleazy” and he *tries* to take that into consideration with women and tries to make up for the “sleazy” guys they’ve dealt with.


Y’all exhaust the fuck out of me, I swear. I had to read his message back twice.

In the grand scheme of things, I understood what he meant, but it still didn’t explain or excuse these same hurt men referring to all women as, “spineless, backstabbing bitches”, which I explained to him. He back pedaled a bit, but still advised me to understand, assuring me that HE was not one of these guys.

Omg, go away.

He concluded his soapbox speech asking me how I was doing and how work was going for me today. Well, deputy dog, I’m doing just dandy now that you mansplained who and what i should feel empathy for.

Moral of the story, if you ever read or see a guy in extreme distress calling all women, “spineless, backstabbing bitches”, open up your heart and empathize with him. He’s had a hard life.




Crazy Little Thing Called…

Life has been extremely busy lately, both professionally and socially, but this hasn’t necessarily been a bad thing. While I’ve pulled some long intense days at work, I’ve managed to go out and “be social” every day in the past week (yay). This little accomplishment has helped with stress and my periodic anxiety and depression.

One of the reasons in my boost in social activity has been this guy. We’ve been out two additional times since I wrote that post and they’ve been blast. When I first starting speaking to him, I did anticipate anything worthwhile coming out of our interactions. He was nice, intelligent, adorable and could hold a conversation, but he’s really thrown a wrench in my plans emotions. He’s so attentive, funny, understanding and sweet.

I told myself when I last posted that I was going to refrain from kissing him, but well…I gave into it Saturday night…multiple times and I’m glad that I did. Long story short, we ended the evening at his place just to get out of the cold. He was extremely respectful the entire time.

We went out again Wednesday night after work and spent four hours talking and laughing about our jobs and everything else. It really only felt like half an hour until we both realized we had been sitting there four entire hours. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been engrossed in conversation with someone to the point of losing track of time. Since we parked in opposite directions, he walked me to my car, as he’s done pretty much every time we’ve been out no matter how far away I parked from him and of course we kissed again. I can’t help but to feel kind of giggly afterwards, like I’m back in middle school. I have no idea where that’s coming from other than the fact that I’m deeply conflicted on whether or not I sincerely want to be so free with my emotions right now. He noticed my weird school girlish reaction and told me to let him know if he ever does anything that makes me feel uncomfortable and then I felt like a fool!

Truth be told, I do like him and that scares me, so my defense mechanism is to just goof during our embraces and affections. I think part of me is shocked that he likes me this much and the other part of me is thinking, “surely this will end soon, no need to get attached”. We spoke about this later on in the night (after we both got home) and I assured him by no means is he making me uncomfortable, but that I’m just weird. I told him he was doing “everything right” (which he is). He seemed to understand and reassured me that he, “really liked me and enjoys spending time with me”. We could also be on the same wavelength since I recently found out we’re the same zodiac sign and our birthdays are exactly a week apart.

Oh Boy.

On another semi related note, I’m going out of town this weekend to visit him (situationship guy).Usually I’m over the moon excited about the trip, but this time around I’m kind of indifferent also kind of tired. When we spoke briefly last night, it just felt kind of bland. Maybe I was tired or distracted (I was in walmart), but I couldn’t put my finger on it. He asked me if I could help him get a new mattress since of course I have an suv to tie it to (eye roll).

Really? I am just someone you use to haul your shit now?!

I know he didn’t mean it in that way, but the notion of it slightly agitated me.  Maybe I’m agigtated because I’m starting to realize how it feels to be around someone who is open emotionally and how I know I’m going to go there this weekend to most likely be disappointed by something he does or doesn’t do. Same routine, same song and dance. I don’t know. Maybe he’ll completely prove me wrong. It will be interesting to see how the weekend unfolds. All I know is, the bar has been raised and he better step up. One thing I am doing differently with him this year is not wasting my money on getting him a Valentine’s day gift. Usually we’ll exchange gifts, but since we’re not always around each other on the actual day it’s through the mail, or in his case, comes one or more months later when he comes into town for work (better late than never?).

Welp. Here’s to the freakin’ weekend.


Kiss Me Not

Lately, I’ve been sticking to this new notion of staying true to one of my resolutions of getting out there and staying social. I guess you could toss casual dating in there too, because why not?

I’ve been casually (so very casually) seeing this guy for a handful of weeks now. Originally, I didn’t see him as being my “type”, but he’s slowly starting to maintain my attention.

For starters, we’re about the same height, which I guess isn’t that big of a deal, minus the fact that I occasionally like to wear boots and heels. This is such a superficial thing to be concerned about and I really wish I was a better person than this, but I’m really insecure. I’m already on the taller end for a female (I’m 5’7). I’m used to seeing guys that are at least 3-4 inches taller than me and of course I’ve dated guys almost an entire foot taller than me (which was a bit weird for other reasons). Wearing heels was not an issue with them. With this guy, I’ve made it a huge point to stick to wearing flats, which will be ok because they’re more comfortable, I guess.

Outside of this superficial bullshit I’m attempting to move past, he’s a decent guy. We have a lot in common, he’s very intelligent, independent, a conversationalist, great listener, has his SHIT together, is a sweetheart, is family oriented and is just plan adorable, like a puppy.

He doesn’t stress me out (by being thirsty) and in between times that we see each other, I feel like we communicate an appropriate amount of time. He doesn’t attempt to text message me from sun up to sun down and doesn’t completely go ghost using the excuse that he “doesn’t check his phone”. We may communicate via text message 2, sometimes 3 times a week and usually in the evenings and the conversations are equally initiated.

But I can’t pull myself to think of him more than just someone to have fun with for right now. Maybe not even intimately either. I’m not sure if I want any strings attached to this right now. Maybe like a friend plus? I like him  a little more than a friend, but I haven’t settled on how much yet and maybe that’s ok?

 I guess part of that is the fact that I genuinely care about him (the situationship guy from my past that I link up with from time to time). Sure, he’s emotionally fucked up, but his heart is in the right place and he shows he cares by doing things for me, protecting me and pampering me. We have some history there and I can’t help but to kind of hang on to that. He’s my comfort. It’s weird and I wish I could shut it off some days. He’s just a shitty communicator and sometimes staying in touch with him is more effort than it’s worth.Sure, he reaches out to me too, but it’s exhausting trying to reach out to him. Sometimes he’ll answer and other times he may return your call/text in 3-4 days. Granted, he’s really never been that great at communicating, but I’m older now and this is really aggravating me.

Last Saturday, I was out having dinner with this guy (the casual guy). We talked and laughed for hours.He’s very easy to talk to and we have a similar sense of humor. I had a genuinely good time. We parked in different locations, so he walked me to my car. As we got to the point of the evening to say goodbye, he leans in to kiss me. My reflex was to lean away and hug him instead. Sure, we vibe well…but if I kiss him, that’s going to open flood gates for all of these assumptions and feelings that I personally don’t want to be accountable for right now. At the same time, I like his company, so it’s confusing. We have another date planned for this Saturday, so I may simply ask him what he’s hoping to get out of this (if anything at all) or perhaps I won’t say anything at all and let it ride out. I think this is still in the sweet spot of not needing any definition.

In other news, situationship guy called Sunday night and invited me to spend the weekend at his place–Valentine day weekend at that 👀. I’m not too sure what that means or if it means anything at all. He told me once that he hated V-day, and even though we were only together during 1 V-day, he made it a point to get me a gift and a card. Sure, we had vaguely spoken about me picking up his recliner at some point, but he explicitly said to come that particular weekend, even when I mentioned other weekends over the next two months. Weird.

Oh well, I guess I’ll see what’s up with him and casual guy shortly.


Fling, Fling, Fling!

In the dark

A summer fling from my past is in  town for work this week. We met towards the end of last year while we were both on a business trip, stayed in touch and linked up several weeks later when he was in my city for work for an entire week. Read More


Old Flames (that won’t die out)

I believe he really likes me and that’s scary. It’s scary, because I know in the back crevices of my mind that feeling is mutual. Beyond all of his quirkiness, he’s a genuinely sweet guy, that would do just about anything for me without expecting anything in return. He’s really intelligent, funny & independent. We’ve been here before…nearly 4 years ago, when we were actually dating and it was mutually understood that we were progressing towards something serious, but then everything went to shit…

He’s been different lately. He’s really “grown up” in these past few years. He’s not as selfish, he really listens, he fixes things around my house or on my car, loves my cat,  pays for dinner, drinks, movies, he spent 2 hours helping my dad build a gazebo two weeks ago!! He just brought me $100 router because he remembered me mentioning that mine was on the fritz (and he set it up for me)–yes, I know this entire paragraph is a grammatical mess.

What normal friend does any of that?  Don’t get me wrong, my friends are all awesome people, but my point is that they aren’t wining and dining me and trying to impress my parents.

When we talk on the phone he’s  encouraging when I’m stressed & actually asks my how I FEEL instead of being dismissive and rambling on about himself while I just listen. He now says things like, “It’s always good to talk to you”,  “I’m looking forward to seeing you”, or “I really had a good time with you”.

When we’re having a conversation face to face sometimes he’ll just gaze at me and smile, even if I’m not saying anything humorous. It’s like he’s in the clouds.

He often slips up and refers to my place as “home” in letting me know he’s on the way and I don’t correct him. After all, he has a key for a while and every time he leaves, he leaves a trail of his toiletries behind, which I believe is on purpose. Both of my bathrooms are littered with shower gels, shampoos, shaving creams, hair gels, deodorants, toothpastes, mouthwashes, etc. and several articles of his clothing are strung around the house. You would think I have a man living with me full time. I don’t tend to leave things at his place, at least not on purpose. My toiletries cost too much money to part with them for weeks on end like that.

He lives about two hours away now (we used to live in the same city, but he got a new job about 2.5 years ago after stomping on my heart to breifly see someone else), but his company has an office here in town that very frequently (at least lately) seems to send him there. I’m starting to think that he’s just volunteering to come here for any reason at all and using his job as an excuse to visit me. Of course he does visit without coming here for work occasionally.

My assessment with all of this is that he cares and probably wants something more, but may not be confident enough to make that move or may be afraid that he fucked up that opportunity years ago. I’m not always that easy to read, I admit that, but in my defense, I always make it known if I’ve enjoyed someone’s company or if I miss them. I always tell him these things, always have.

Ultimately, it could be a slippery slope though, especially with how things ended the last time we decided to date.Throw in the added complexity of it being long distance (about a 2-2.5 hour drive), and you’ve got a really tricky situation. I value our friendship too much to let that go if things go south (again). Part of me doesn’t want to entertain any part of this charade, because throwing labels on things too quickly can backfire, but at the same time, I’ve had numerous reminders lately that life is moving while I’m still stuck in neutral thinking, “what if”.

I attended an old friend’s baby shower the other day. We’re the same age and she’s married and VERY pregnant. Some other high school acquaintances were there and one of them happened to mention how she had been married for seven years. It really made me wonder where the hell I went wrong in life? Shouldn’t I be married or at least in a serious relationship ?

I know I shouldn’t compare myself to my peers, but it does put a different perspective on this situation and how I want something substainal. I want to know that the guy I’m with is very serious about our relationship and in growing together. I’m getting too old for samples and trial memberships.

Maybe I’m  just realizing that I’m lonely…