I was slammed (socially) this past weekend and I’m still paying for it. I did dinner, trivia and bar hopping Friday with some friends, brunch with my parents, date with the teacher, game night with friends, brewery lounge on Saturday and Sunday I took a day trip to the beach with some friends to check out a street festival.
You’re probably wondering, “why do you do this stupid shit?” and my response would be, “because you only live once and I’m a dumb ass.”
After having quite a stressful week at work, I really wanted to focus on fun with friends, where I felt I could be completely relaxed and at ease. My plan was not to go on any dates, but the teacher seemed fairly persistent, so I finally took him up on the offer. We met at this public garden where we walked around for about an hour before my allergies started to go crazy and we dipped into a brewery right down the road (actually the one we met at on our first date). I really appreciated his planning. He knew I had, had a hellish week and wanted to take me places that would ease my mind. We even did dinner after downing a few beers (and I was good and lit).
The teacher has kind of been a dark horse in all of this. He’s a very kindhearted guy, makes his intentions fairly clear and has no problem showering me with compliments and support, all while giving me “space”. I think he “really” likes me and while I enjoy hanging out with him, I’m not sure if I feel those same romantic feelings towards him and I’m not sure how to handle that. Hes fun to talk to (I guess), but I’m having a hard time forcing myself to dive into the pool of infatuation and I’m not even sure if the urge is going to come. Part of me knows I’m not going to have those feelings (for him) no matter how hard I try, but the other part of me wants to know why that even is…? Am I just not attracted to him? He’s not bad looking necessarily…Maybe he’s not “bad boy” enough.
Anyway, after date time with The Teacher, I met up with friends for game night and brewery lounging before calling it an early night around midnight so I could get up to drive to a friend’s house for our day trip Sunday.
My friend that I was meeting up with recently bought a house about thirty minutes outside of town (in the country). This is the friend that I reference in the flake post. Anyway, since it had been so long since she, my other friend and I had hung out, we decided to take a day trip to the beach (from her place).
We had an interesting conversation on dating, relationships and love in our two hour car ride. We all kind of opened up about past situations and how/what we learned from them. We talked about how difficult it was to date in your 30s and how all of us thought online dating in particular was extremely draining. Over the last few months, I really haven’t opened up much about my “love life” in that way. I mean, I’ve vaguely mentioned that I’ve been regularly seeing someone (because another group of friends want to know why I’m missing events here and there), but I haven’t elaborated on how that situation or any past situations have made me feel. I haven’t talked about my fears or insecurities in dating. Or how sometimes I get tired of having to decode things. For some reason with these two friends, I felt compelled to really open up to them about everything going on. I told them about Babyface and how I was sort of at a crossroads with him because my feelings towards him lately have turned into more of a physical convenience than anything else (he’s adorable, funny and nice, but very little of that phases me these days). I told them about my ex and how damaged I felt right after our breakup and how I had been taking precautions in dating to never end up in that situation again. I even told them about other misc relationships, like with blast from the past and how the current state of our friendship is at times strained due to him cheating on me so many years ago and never directly apologizing about it. Overall, the trip really put a lot of things in perspective for me. We even had a conversation about what dating was to each of us and my one friend decided that he probably wasn’t “doing dating correctly”, because dating should involve effort form BOTH parties, it shouldn’t necessarily be one person pulling all of the weight.
We ended up having a fun day at the beach and on the way back, my friends suggested that I refuse to make any plans with Babyface because they thought he was being extremely lazy in never (fully) planning any of our dates minus our very first one and half of our last one (though one of them said he might just be “shy” and afraid I might not like all of his suggestions–he is not “shy”). Earlier that weekend, Babyface had mentioned getting together the following weekend (this upcoming weekend), but as usual, never provided any details or thoughts as to what he wanted to do or what day/time he wanted to do said things. Per the suggestion of my friends, I sent him a text message Monday night in response basically saying:
This weekend is fine. I’m going to step back and let you figure it out though. You just tell me the when and the where.
As I took breaks to type up this blog post, he responded, but not really to my statement. He sent more of a “good morning, how are you doing, how was your trip,” text. Can I say that is another form of text messaging etiquette that bothers me? Like, he blatantly ignored what I said. I know he has to have somewhat of a reading comprehension to have made it through college…
Maybe I’m just annoyed with Babyface because I’m PMSing and craving some back breaking action from him specifically–ha, sort of just kidding…but seriously, I’m tired and I don’t want to plan anything. I think I deserve a break on that. We could do pizza on his/mine couch for all I care…just plan it.