Ok guys. I’ve hate that I even feel the need to rant/vent about this, but it’s driving me crazy and I need to essentially unload a bit….so blogging I will do!
Have you ever noticed how differently people approach text messaging, especially in the realms of specific kind of relationships and even in the different stages of these relationships and how you approach text messaging in various situations influences how you think someone else should approach text messaging too? It’s funny really, but definitely something (depending upon the importance placed on it) that can potentially derail or enhance your “connection” with someone.
So sure. We have all of these rules about face to face communication, how you’re supposed to make eye contact, appear “engaged”, appropriately respond just as much as you contribute in a conversation and use tact, right? And I guess there are some phone etiquette rules, but I don’t care enough to look those up since I rarely even talk on the phone these days. Text messaging to me is still this weird gray area that is tricky to address, because who’s to say what’s right or wrong?
In text messaging, I like to consider myself “responsive” with most friends, family and “others”. I’m able to keep a conversation going and it doesn’t phase me to end the conversation to actively live life or even not be in text message conversations on a daily basis. I use text messaging as a means to catch up, check in, plan, and at times, to get to know people.
I’m rambling on about all of this to say THIS: It is literally driving me crazy texting with babyface. I’ve never labeled him as one of those people that gets engrossed in all day long in mindless text babble, but it’s hugely annoying sometimes the frequency at which he texts. Which is crazy, because his responses are appropriately matched with mine, but his response rate is almost inappropriately slow and disproportionate.
At first, I took this to mean that he was not interested (and I was borderline myself at this point), but like clockwork, he still continues to text me every. single. day. EVERY DAY. with like 2-5 hour time gaps between each message. Again, if these were one worded answers (which alludes to a one sided conversation), I would again think he’s not interested, but he’s usually the one keeping the conversation going believe it or not. Even if I’m lazy and just respond to something he’s asked, he’ll respond to what I said and ask something else. He tells me good morning (occasionally good night if he doesn’t pass out beforehand), asks about my day, follows up on things that I’ve told him (will ask if a co-worker or a project that stressed me out earlier in the week has gotten better), will empathize when I’ve had a bad day, will help solve a problem I’m having (I had serious issues with my truck last week and he gave me advice) etc. It’s like he’s engaged, but somewhat slowly. And yet, through all of this continues to want to see me and almost always tells me “any day” I want to get together will be “open” (for me).
When we’re together, we have a lot fun. There’s chemistry among other things there. He makes me laugh, we’re attracted to one another and share interests, but I have also noticed that he’s not particularly tied to his phone. I mean, he has it on him and will occasionally use it to look something up if we’re opting to move our dates (used it to buy our movie tickets a few weeks ago before the phone died) to other locations in order to continue them, but that’s it. I mean, that’s great. I think it’s rude when people goof around on their phones while out with someone. He barely references it and even mentioned not really responding to friends of his who had group messaged him one night while we were having dinner. When he stays over my place, he never charges his phone. Ever, but also doesn’t “hide” it or leave it faced down. It usually falls out of his pocket in the midst of…ahem…things we’re doing and he’ll leave it there. He’ll notice it being almost dead and doesn’t ask of I have a charger (because I don’t, he has an android and I have an iphone). I’m not sure if he even brings a charger OVER. I don’t even know if he has one in his truck! He just seems really unbothered in general.
Maybe I’m being an asshole about this, but it’s kind of annoying when someone appears to want to actively talk to you by asking you detailed questions and then taking hours to reply back. I get work (I’m busy at work as well), but after hours, especially when you say you’re lounging around or whatever, is weird to me. Sure, we all fall asleep, have our phones die, etc. It really makes me not want to continue to text him because it makes me anxious. And sure, if he’s also dating other people I get it. I’m actively dating several other guys, but I’m as responsive as I can be to all of them. I also don’t talk to the others everyday like I do with him (he’s who I am primarily dating), but when we do talk, they’re appropriately responsive.
I’ve even compared this with past guys I’ve dated or been in relationships with. I’ve been all over the spectrum. I have an ex that took DAYS to respond (and then would respond with a one word-one sentence response) and would only be responsive if you CALLED him and my most recent ex was unnaturally responsive 24/7 and would reply in these lonnngggg paragraphs. His text messages (especially early on) would so fucking long and ask all of these questions and include all of this information. While sweet, it used to make my head hurt sometimes and would take more an hour to respond just because I had to comprehend the entire message first and make sure I was appropriately addressing everything he said in the text. Even now though his texts can be semi long, but even still he’s still pretty damn responsive.
Perhaps he’s just not a “phone” person in general. Which might be a good thing. But c’mon dude.
Ugggghhh it’s super annoying.
Anyway, we have a date for Friday. I doubt I’ll mention any of this to him because I’m not sure if it’s worth mentioning. It’s not my place to really. Perhaps I’ll just be more limited and less frequent with my responses to his already slow responses. I don’t need to jump to be responsive to someone who probably won’t even respond back for another 3+ hours.
I just looked at my phone and he responded to a text I sent around 8 last night (in response to a text he sent me around 7 p.m. asking me to tell him about my day) around 9 this morning…I may hear from him again around lunch, but most likely not until after 4 or 5 (I’m queuing this one, but I wrote this mid-morning).