You know what’s annoying?


No, not these flakes:

snow flake

Not these either…


These are mildly annoying…

head flakes

But ok…It’s PEOPLE who flake That are ultimately super annoying to me. Now I’m going to keep it real, I don’t always make it to all of my “commitments”, but I usually try to keep my word unless there is a dire need to cancel (illness, mental/emotional/physical exhaustion, emergencies, etc). As an introvert, someone with a hectic/demanding job AND someone with bouts of anxiety/depression, I get having moments pop up where you just need to cancel plans, but I try not to make a habit of agreeing to do something and then canceling last minute over and over and over. It’s tired.

The act of flaking per se, doesn’t bother me. Shit happens. What bothers me is when someone becomes a HABITUAL FLAKER. It just becomes ridiculous because after so many occurences, it just makes you look like a really shitty friend/family member/co-worker, etc. I feel like people make being a decent human being a lot harder than it really is. Say what you’re going to do, follow through with it (AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN) and press on with life. Dassit. Simple science.

I have this friend who is more reliable as a flake than they are in any other sense of the word and I can’t really even get angry at her at this point because it’s laughable. Whenever she agrees to show up when we’re all hanging out or meeting up, I almost always assume she’s going to flake out and 97% of the time she does. It’s her “thing” I guess and I no longer take it personally because I just anticipate it and have come to accept the fact that she not a reliable person, which is sad, because no one should have to make excuses for why their friends are being shitty friends and “live with it”.

The funnier part here is that she’ll occasionally reach out and want to do things around town, which is awesome because I’m always up for adventure! In the past, I used to always make it a point to be supportive and join her, but fairly recently (as of maybe this past month) I find myself never giving her a definite confirmation that I’ll be there. “Sounds fun, I’ll see.” or, “I’ll let you know” and then I DO let her know that I’m not going and I don’t feel bad about it. I just don’t feel like carving out time in my day for it. I don’t feel like I need to feel obligated to be a loyal or supportive friend to someone who flakes as much as she does.  There is a difference between AGREEING to doing something and flaking out last minute and simply never agreeing to go in the first place. You want consistent loyalty in your friends, be a good friend. Keep your word. Show up to shit. Be a better friend. Period. End of discussion.






I’ve mentioned up here a few times about how I’ve met all over this wonderful people post breakup (back in November). Sure, some of the people I met through other friends or through random circumstances, but I’ve met a great deal of them through Meetup.

Now, I’m not going to get up here and plug Meetup (because they are not paying me to do so), but it’s been a great tool to flesh out my social circle a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I love and adore all of my friends equally, but there are certain hobbies I like to do or places I want to go/things I want to experience that may not appeal to all of them and that’s fine. Plus, once you kind of get out of college, making NEW friends outside of your social circle and work environment can be a little more challenging.

Meetup is just like its name says…it’s a “meet up”. You use the site to join “meetups” (groups) and RSVP to “events” that group is putting on. All of the “meetups” have “hosts” (some have one host others have several) that organize and post the events to members. Some have “meetups” weekly and others more sporadically or in more of an ad-hoc sense. Pretty much every group’s purpose is to help its members to branch out and meet new like minded folks. It’s great for people who have recently moved to town or just for people who may be a little shy or even newly single (hey, that’s me). Shortly after the break up, I was feeling really down in the dumps and really lonely (I don’t want to link to this because the post was extra sad). I probably spent at least two weeks just going to work and sleeping. I also wasn’t eating and was just barely getting through work each day. I was on autopilot. It didn’t help that during this time, I was for whatever goofy reason still seeing my ex (for lunch, coffee, etc), which was a bad idea because he also looked like death warmed over. It just made everything hurt that much more because we were both sad and it enhanced my sadness to see him like that. Yeah, I did a lot of sleeping and can’t remember a good chunk of that time period. I was not in a good place emotionally. Anyway, after having a bit of an emotional spaz fest around Thanksgiving, I decided I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back to living my life, but that I needed to live my life a bit differently and maybe try and do things I hadn’t done before to keep my mind off of being sad. I figured, what better way to do that than to pick up a new hobby or two and the rest is history.

I now have an additional social circle of friends that I regularly spend time with even outside of our regular meetups. We usually do a few things outside of meetup weekly and lately over each other’s places. It’s been so much fun getting to know them. They really helped me get through a dark period a few months ago and even more of a bonus, many of them had also just gone through breakups, so we were all kind of healing and leaning on one another to get better. It’s been great.

Aside from all of the positives that have come from meetup, like meeting new people that have become great friends, brushing up on various hobbies of mine, venturing out to new places in the area that I’ve never been to and getting a different perspective on life in general, it has also come with some negative aspects. One of which being the amount of men two stepping into my message box (yes, there is a messaging feature in meetup. Think of it like email).

Typically, the message function is supposed to be used by organizers to communicate with group members about events, but sometimes can also be used to communicate with members in your group…but for whatever reason lately, I’ve been inundated with messages from guys hitting on me, asking for my number, flatout asking me out on dates— sir, WTF?!

First of all, yes meetup could be used as a tool to date and or meet your next S.O., especially if you join a meetup geared towards that (like speed dating, singles groups/outings, etc), but cold messaging somebody out the fucking blue that you don’t even know or have never even seen in person is a little bold for my taste. It’s also bold to assume that person is not already in a relationship or at the very least actively dating. I could be an asshole and print screen these messages up here, but I don’t think that’s necessary. It’s just annoying. I don’t even have a racy photo on meetup. I’m literally in a sweater and jeans and my hair is frizzy. I think I took the photo in my bathroom. I personally think I look like a bum.

I will summarize two message exchanges I’ve had up there within the past month:

  1. One guy messaged me because we were in the same meetup group (not one I’m active in) and then further into the conversation asked if any of the groups I was a member of indicated if I was single. He then proceeded to ask me if I was “into older men”…Gross. No, dude.
  2. Another guy (just earlier this week) sent me some long message asking if I had seen black panther (which I have). Then further along his lengthy message asked me out on a date to go see the movie and wanted to know if I wanted to do dinner after, “my choice”. NO. WTH.
  3. Another guy after asking me about a meetup asked me to send him more photos of me and drop my digits. SO FULL OF NOPE.

Obviously, the meetups that I share with these guys (if any at all) are not ones I’m even active in or are meetups that are dormant and I’ve just been too lazy to remove them from my profile.

But jazzedout, you’ll date someone online, what makes this any different?


What makes this different is that I’m actively choosing to use online dating as one of MANY tools to date.  I am not actively choosing to be borderline harassed on a social website. Meetup is not specifically meant for online dating (exclusively anyway–it is not a dating website) nor is my entire reason for using it meant for dating. If you just so happen to date someone you meet through meetup, great, but cold messaging people is a bit creepy. Secondly, if I am online dating and I decide to meet that person IRL, we’ve usually spoken quite a bit and feel comfortable enough with one another before even moving to that stage. I’ve never been one to be like, “hey, this guy I know NOTHING about just asked me to see this movie tonight in his first message, off I go”.


No sir. You ever seen a lifetime movie or 1,000 ways to die? Won’t be me. Bet.

Anyway, aside from the creepy men dropping in my messages (I’m usually nice and respond by politely declining, but I think I’ll just start ignoring or blocking all together), it’s been a pretty cool tool to use in expanding my social circles. I definitely recommend it….just maybe shut your messaging feature off (I believe you also get communications from your organizers in your email too), so you probably don’t technically need that feature turned on.

Mr. Swagoo

So I’ve been meaning to write a follow up post about dude from valentine’s day, let’s just call him, “mr. swagoo”. As I mentioned in that post, I was instantly drawn to him because he was so cool. He’s traveled to all of these amazing places, seemed really smart, was very well put together, dressed very professionally and was very kind and non judgemental to everyone. Talking to him seemed to come second nature to me and we spent hours in a bar valentine’s day chatting, which sealed our solid friendship.

Fast Forward several weeks and we’ve even gone out a few times (solo) as friends. One Saturday night, he took me to a concert downtown. It was kind of a lame concert (a friend of his got free tickets and gave them to him), but it was still fun being there with him and cracking jokes about everything around us.

Friday night I had a huge gathering for my birthday at this local Mexican restaurant and he came out despite not really knowing any of my other friends, which I thought was sweet, especially since we’ve known each other MAYBE three and a half weeks. He immediately integrated in with everyone as if he had known them all for years and even really hit it off with another good friend that I recently met a week or two coming off of the break-up. He “worked the room” much better than I did (after a  while, I became too drunk and overwhelmed to really move around like that and just sort of allowed people to come to me).

After chatting with everyone, he came back over to me and bought me a few drinks (he his a jack and coke, old fashion or bourbon neat sort of guy–classy). The way he sat close to me and placed his hand on mine as we chatted caused me to tune everyone else out and tune into to him exclusively. He tuned everyone out as well and focused just on me. We talked about getting together in the coming week for dinner and HIS birthday dinner the following weekend (which he invited me to the same night that we met). He left towards the end of the dinner as my other friends started talking about making plans to venture downtown. He gave me this huge bear hug and told me to text him. He explicitly also asked me to text him later to let him know I made it home ok too (after the tomfoolery downtown with friends). As the responsible adult that he is, he mentioned needing to get some rest so he could tend to his yard work in the morning.  He owns his own house about five minutes down the road from my townhome (which I am renting-eek) and I found out through conversation that he owns a corvette (o__o) as a second car. Clearly I’m not living my best life, folks.

After his departure, one of my lifelong best friends (who was also there) made a comment to me about how nice mr. swagoo seemed and even asked if there was something going on between us.


At first I found this funny until I actually thought about it (in my drunken mind) and how I may have been unintentionally friendzoning him. Oops. I thought back to all of the times he asked to “hangout” and how half of those times I declined in order to dick around with friends or the guys HALF his worth I’ve been dating. I thought about how he always texts me and how responsive, funny and very kind he is in his texts. I thought about how well we clicked that night we met and how non-judgemental he is. I thought about how I’ve seen numerous examples of how sweet and thoughtful he is…and I thought about how nice he dressed.

Why have I been blind to this?! Have I really spent this many weeks in a consistent drunken haze that I haven’t noticed?!

I think what it boils down to (and I did a tweet thread about this last weekend) is that I’m so used to having guy friends that I often don’t think twice about it. I just assume if I met a guy under the realm of a friendly environment, friends we sha’ll be! I rarely stop to think, “maybe this guy quite possibly may want to be all up in my guts…or in the very least, might want to entertain getting to know me beyond friends”. It literally takes a guy shaking me and shouting that he wants to date me sometimes in order for me to realize these things. This might also have something to do with self esteem (although much better than years past) and how I don’t really believe I’m anyone’s “type” or truly believe guys when they tell me they like or me that I’m beautiful. Yeah I know, this is wild. I’m working through this.

I’m not saying this guy is any of those things and for all I know maybe he’s just really nice and enjoys my company just as I enjoy his. I will say that my eyes are open now and I’m starting to pay a little bit more attention to him. I’d like to get to know him more, even if it’s as friends. He had my curiosity, now he has my attention. He’s not even my “type”, which might be perfect, because clearly my “type” hasn’t been working out so well these last few years. I realized this weekend that I find him to be extremely sexy. He just has swag out of this atmosphere and I want to be around the good vibes he’s putting off.

Anyway, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself here, I just plan to be a bit more on alert than before. I’m fine being friends with him because he’s unlike anyone else in my life right now and I think he offers a different perspective on life. He’s allowing me to reconsider what I want out of life and how maybe I’m holding back just a bit on some of my goals and dreams.



Text w/ The Ex

So when I last wrote, I was scrambling to plan a “home cooked taco dinner” for baby face for when he dropped by my place Saturday for our date. I’m not sure what prompted me to cook for him other than the fact that he’s dropped some serious coins on our dates and I feel guilty. Granted, he’s willingly done this and hasn’t been like one of those guys who looks at me like, “you owe me”. He’s admittedly very southern (born and raised) and maybe that’s just normal to him. I guess I just wanted to be nice and look like I’m trying to make an effort not to be appear to be a mooch or take advantage in any way, even though I’m lazy and hate cooking elaborate things.

Anyway, as I was thinking about the tacos I was going to make and everything I needed from the store when I got off of work, I got a text from my ex. I had to take a double take at my phone at first, because while we aren’t NOT speaking to one another, we haven’t been in consistent communication since the holidays–and at least on my end that’s been fairly intentional. Well, I take that back, we spoke that day he was tailgating me on the way to work, which was a month and a half ago. It was also weird to see a message from him (still have him on mute, so I didn’t actually notice it at first) because I had been thinking about the amazing tacos he used to make and just how I was going to mimic them for Saturday’s dinner/date. It’s like he felt those vibes of me trying to steal his shit.

“Hey there. How are you?” His text read. That’s such a loaded question, ha….but unlike the last time he asked me this question, I could honestly answer that I was doing really well and MEAN IT.

We actively texted back and forth over the course of an hour or so. He told me he had gotten approved for a mortgage loan and was seriously looking to buy a house as soon as he got an offer accepted. He had decided that he wanted to buy a house in need of renovations on the edge of downtown in an up and coming trendy area that’s slowly being gentrified. When he shared the good news with me, I couldn’t help but to be overcome with joy for him. The news genuinely gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside and made my afternoon. I’m so very proud of him because I know this is something he’s wanted to do for a year or more and he’s finally there. All of those long nights and weekends of OT to save up for it paid off.

As we continued to catch up, I couldn’t help but to notice how far I have come over the past few months. I was able to speak to him and feel no emotion or bitterness, just genuine happiness as if I was talking to an old friend.  I am over the moon happy for him. So, so proud.

overcome with happiness.gif

The fact that I’ve gotten to the point where I can celebrate in his successes without hate in my heart is HUGE for me. It’s not that I’ve ever “hated” him during the past few months, but there were days where I wasn’t his biggest fan because I was hurt and being emotionally irrational (rightfully so though. I am human). Ha. Particularly when I was CAPS LOCK mad at him back in December (but in my defense I was PMsing and he did drop several bombs on me in that conversation which added fuel to the fire).

Anyway, before our conversation wrapped up, I did cop that taco recipe from him, which he gladly shared, even though I left the details of “why” I was making tacos pretty vague (just said I had an “event” – which isn’t really a lie—an event of getting my back bent and fractured –  lol).

yasssss gif

Even though I’ve gotten to a point where I’m in a better place with how things ended between us, I still don’t care to share details of my love life with him. That’s no longer his business just as I don’t really care to know about his either. So as long as he’s happy with that area of his life, I’ll be happy for him there too.

Welp. The tacos ended up being a big hit, but I’ll save that for another post 😉 .


Stretch Yourself, Girl

I’m so happy this week is coming to a close. It’s been busy both socially and professionally, but I learned my lesson from last week in that it’s always important to listen to my body, protect my peace and allow myself down days/mental health days when needed.

Last night I had another date with the teacher. This date had been rescheduled from Sunday when I was, “sick” (mentally exhausted). On my way to meet him, I was slammed with requests from other friends to “hangout”. Three friends back to back in fact, including the guy from Vday (which reminds me, I need to write a post about him). While flattering, I didn’t want to cancel on the teacher again and declined all of the offers.  I can’t remember being in this high demand like…ever. I even have all of these “engagements” tonight and had to decline on like two for tomorrow. I’m this average person. I wasn’t even this popular in my 20s. What is this even? Am I on punk’d?

punk'd 2

The teacher and I originally had plans to eat at this trendy southern place downtown (since we both spoke about how we like BBQ the last time we met), but once we got there, we realized it was closed for a private event. Just great. Since we were kind of anchored downtown (he actually paid $10 to park in a garage, while I parked a few blocks away for free.99!), we opted for this little taco spot instead (which btw, tmi, but those tacos from last night have my stomach doing the running man this morning. I can’t eat at that place anymore). It was dive barish and tacky, but near the college up the street, so it was understandable. We both ordered margaritas (since it was national margarita day) and spent an hour or two talking about our weeks. I felt bad, because it had been so long since our last encounter, that I was having trouble remembering some details about him. Like I remembered things like what he did, that he was in the army, that he liked both dogs AND cats, that he had family a few hours away etc. But I kept forgetting things like he enjoyed board games–which is a hobby we actually share. I would forget the that. I think casually dating several guys at the same time is putting a lot of strain on my short term memory (but it is also helping me pace myself and not become emotionally attached to anyone too soon). Anyway, the date went ok, he walked me back to my car and said we should do it again. He even followed up with a text message later on that evening saying the same thing. I’m so jaded though that I never take any of that to face value. I mean, just this situation alone was enough for me to not to put stock in anything anyone you’re casually dating says. People basically say shit to say it, I’m convinced. Hell, I do it sometimes. Pssh. I don’t know. I like him, but I may lead too much of a crazy life for him. He seems more calm and reserved. We’ll see.

Speaking of dates and plans, I have plans with baby face this weekend. Aside from our first date, all of our others have basically been, “We’re going to start the night at this place, but we’ll plan all of our other rendezvous from there.” This has worked out fine, because it can get complicated to plan TOO much too soon. I do appreciate that he at least sort of tag teams with me on planning though unlike this guy. I did offer to make him dinner Saturday because he mentioned really craving “street tacos” and I feel guilty that he’s been dropping all of these coins lately on dinners (even though he doesn’t seem to mind–I did take care of our $45 drink tab last week, but I wanted to…but still). Do I like to cook? Not really. Am I good at cooking? I haven’t set myself on fire (yet)…I’m ok. Ha, to be honest, I got really spoiled with my ex, because cooking was his *thing*. He did this really well. Ain’t nobody out here cooking better than him, *kevin hart voice* I promise you, boo-boo. Gotta give credit where it is due. But now that I think about it, he may have just been using me as a guinea pig to make these elaborate dishes just to see if he could do it. That food still hit though, I’m not gonna lie.


In fact, when we were together, I rarely had to even buy groceries, because he’d cook for me so much, which was sweet, because I’m lazy (but I would bake for him and from scratch) . Ha, so being the one cooking this go ’round should be interesting. I’m going to steal borrow one of those taco recipes he used. Because again. Lazy here. Hopefully I don’t give him (baby face) food poisoning or set my house on fire in the process. I definitely won’t be sharing the same bowl that raw chicken sat in for the cooked chicken though. That’s an automatic deal breaker or as baby face would say, “hard pass”. Aside from dinner and maybe a movie out, we’ll see what else becomes of the evening.

On another note, I’ve been tossing around the idea of inviting baby face to a birthday dinner I’m having with friends next friday. Last time I counted, about 20 friends of mine will be there, probably more? Through conversation, he mentioned that his birthday is three days after mine, which means we actually share a birthday weekend, haha. I go back and forth on this decision, because this guy is not my “boyfriend” and I’m really trying to keep this “casual” for now to see where it goes and what becomes of it. I’m not sure if I really want to introduce someone to my clique that I’m casually–nomnom…*jamaican air horn toot*…er… — On the other hand, I feel like it would be rude of me NOT to invite him, since it’s also his birthday and I probably spend close to the amount of time with him that I do with some of my other friends that will be there…So I don’t know. I just worry about how I would introduce him to friends that really haven’t heard of him? Because they will equally be like, dude wtf.

“Oh, this is baby face, he’s my….uh…you see we…I…well…–What’s that over there?!”



I don’t want to introduce him as a “friend” because that might be insulting, but he’s not my—ugh…and we’re back at square one all over again. I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I guess I can at least mention it to him to see if he even wants to go. He may be too overwhelmed by that, to be honest. Hell, I’m overwhelmed and it’s my own birthday dinner. I didn’t even realize I had this many friends until recently. Shit. Who knew?

Again…Where is my emotional support peacock? Does he do appointments…? Srsly u guise



Protecting My Peace.

I’ve had a really busy couple of days (socially) in the past week and as I sat down to write this blog entry, I realized just how tired I really am. I think I have officially depleted my social energy for a good 24-48 hrs. I think part of my exhaustion is coming from trying to be everyone’s best and most loyal friend, which has come at the price of often splitting my time across numerous social events that overlap, foregoing regular sleep schedules and contemplating just when I’m going to get around to taking care of the basic chores around my house.

Since the breakup (that I felt at the time was “devastating“), I’ve been blessed to welcome (and re-welcome) so many wonderful people and new experiences into my life, that I probably would have never met/known/experienced/crossed paths with had I not gone through that enormous heartache. I’ve been assessing it lately, but not in a, “woe is me, I’m still butt hurt behind this, fuck this guy,” but more of a very peaceful, “everything happens for a reason and I’m a better person because of it and I hope he is too”. All in all, I learned a lot from it and was able to have this extraordinarily fascinating person in my life that I’m excited to see (from a distance) continue to blossom as he swan dives into his 30s this year. He has a good head on his shoulders and a heart and gold and I know he’ll go far in life. He kept me on my toes, showed me what it was like to love unconditionally and helped me realize that I definitely deserve all of the love and positive energy that I am putting out into the universe in return and that I should never settle for anything less from anyone. I just feel blessed that I was fortune enough to cross paths with him on this journey we call life. Hopefully he took something away from me too and I hope he’s treated just as well as he deserves to be treated or I might possibly have to cut a bitch .

money mike.gif

Ha. No, I’m not high or anything like that, I’ve just been mostly at peace with it. Maybe I just needed to get past valentine’s day before I could officially “let go” of whatever remnants of “hurt” that were still lingering.

It’s funny, because just as I’m finding more peace with the situation, I’ve been able to make room for someone new. Well, I shouldn’t say, “new”, more like the notion of someone new. As I’ve mentioned previously, I am actively dating again, but slowly and a little more on the casual side. I’m not looking to dive head first into a relationship for a while. As my friend Greg put it (in reference to himself in terms of dating), “I’m a little rusty and need the practice.” It’s been interesting so far, but lately, I’ve been spending a little more time with one guy in particular (I believe I reference him here).

I haven’t really thought about this guy in an extremely serious sense and I don’t get butterflies really, but he’s been a lot of fun to be around with and reminds me of what it’s like to just go out, have fun and chill. He’s really kind and makes me laugh. We’re just about able to make an adventure out of pretty much anything that we do together. While on the goofy side, I like that he’s a very chivalrous guy. He still opens doors, uses his manners, dresses up for dates and all of that classy shit. He’s also very intelligent and doesn’t spend an ungodly amount of time consumed with technology or social media like most people. I like that I don’t feel pressured or rushed into “labels” like I was in my last relationship. I like that we make goofy faces at each other sometimes just to be silly and I also like that I’m just able to have fun with him and still maintain having my own life and identity outside of it. In my last relationship, I felt like I was almost instantly sucked into the black hole of my ex’s gravitational pull.While he was very sweet and the newness of the relationship was exciting, to was at times, very lonely, because I felt like I wasn’t able to entertain doing the things I loved or wanted to do outside of getting to know him.

Anyway, Friday night babyface and I went out for Thai and drinks by my place. Since our encounter the previous week, I’ve been trying to get him over to my place in more a roundabout way without coming out and saying, “just come over so we can…😉🍆👌🏾😏☺️,” I mean hey, I am a woman and I “respect myself”, but I like to have fun as well and I’m single and can do that. Ha. I’m not sure if he figured out my very calculated plan (yes, I calculated out just how everything was going to work in my head before the night got started), but he’s fairly “go with the flow” and went along with it.

After a fancy Thai dinner (which by the way, was at the same place I’ve been to with my ex numerous times and the hostess set us at the table that my ex and I would always sit at–can we say weird), we went out for drinks at a tavern not far from my house, but not before I suggested he leave his truck parked there so we could go to the tavern in one car (because ultimately, I wanted him to come back to my place after).

Drinks were fun and I offered to pay since he’s been paying for all of our dates these past few weeks. I don’t mind picking up the tab if I feel like the guy legitimately enjoys my company and isn’t just trying to fuck, play games or be a mooch. Drink wise, we both went hard and had a few rounds of bourbon before closing out. I sort of think we were trying to out do one another to see who could stand the manliest drink. I’m pretty sure he won, being that he’s a smooth 8 inches taller than me and athletically toned.

Before heading back to my place, he suggested we swing by the grocery store to pick up some beer to have while we watched netflix (and chillllled). After he became a bit indecisive about the beer, he suggested I choose. I was already well on my way to being intoxicated, so I didn’t really see myself drinking beer once we got back, but I opted for a smooth seasonal cider and we were on our way.

Once back at my place, he went into this super sweet mode of pulling me close and cuddling with me. He’d gently rub my back and softly kiss my forehead as the alcohol really started to settle in and caused me to feel sleepy (or maybe I was just sleepy and those two energy drinks I smashed hours earlier at work both wore off at the same damn time). I could barely finish the one beer I did open, while he easily drank another two, before I told him I was tired and asked if could move our netflix and chill session upstairs to my bedroom so I could lay down. He agreed and off we went. By this point, we were both exhausted (mostly from work), but the stars all aligned we went for it.

As I mentioned before, this has been my first true (and full) intimate encounter since my ex, so while it felt a tad bit strange for a few seconds, I eventually got over it and focused appropriately on babyface.


After all was said and done, I offered the invitation for him to stay the night, which he had no issue taking and we passed out. My sleep was fragmented at best, but it was nice to wake up warm and being cuddled. I remember waking up as the sun rose to study his bare chest as I laid comfortably on it. His pecks and arms are really muscular, but not in a crazy body builder sense. They appropriately fit his physique and was pleasant to study while he woke up. Talk about a work of art. Yas. We small talked and cuddled for about an hour or two before eventually getting out of bed. No, I didn’t make him brekafast, because I didn’t really have any food in my house (I know, what a shitty host I am). We kissed each other goodbye and he left to go start his day and went into starting mine, which was fully loaded (starting with lunch, a showing of the black panther, game night, dinner and impromptu concert outing with vday vibe guy and bar hopping with friends).

And now that leaves today. I had another jam packed day full of social events, but I woke up and cancelled them all if for no other reason than peace of mind. I really hate to be a flake like that (because I am usually very loyal and do what I say I’m going to do), but I over committed myself (again) and needed to take a step back. As the weekend approached earlier this week, I realized I had built in very little time to rest and relax and I just wanted a day to meander do things on my own time without any set schedule. I went for a run on one of my favorite trails, took some nature photos, binged some netflix and took a nap. Best day in a long time!

To wrap up, what I essentially thought was going to be a shitty week turned out to be fairly decent and stress free one. I’m starting to feel alive again and back tobetter than my old self. I’m really hoping my positive outlook on a recently ended relationship and my future moving forward will continue. It’s so much easier to go through life this way!


VDay Vibe

So it’s no “surprise” that I wasn’t really looking forward to valentine’s day this year. I’ve been doing pretty well emotionally lately, but yesterday my mind was swimming with thoughts of my ex. Not necessarily sad thoughts, but thoughts nonetheless. Luckily, I had an extremely hectic day at work, so I didn’t have a lot of time to sulk or dwell on it. Hopefully he had a good day with whatever it is that he did or didn’t do.

After the craziness of work yesterday (including the departure of a good work friend–it was her last day!), I met up with some friends for dinner. As I mentioned earlier, I wasn’t sure if I was going to do anything for valentine’s day, but something told me to stop being a grouch and go out anyway. What’s the worst that could happen? I was having dinner with a group full of people, who like me, were single too. Why not enjoy each other’s company?

A good friend of mine coordinated this dinner of the lonely heart’s club. I didn’t realize until I got there, that he had invited a person or three that I hadn’t met before. While I wasn’t in the mood to “pep up the perk” with the new people, I sucked it up anyway and gave it a go. I sat right next to one friend of his and introduced myself. Turns out that was the best thing I could have done that entire night.

The friend (he was a guy) and I hit it off immediately and started to talk like we had known each other for years. He seemed to be very friendly and genuine. He looked really sharp in his work attire–a navy sport coat, tailored dark gray pants and brown dress shoes (similar to the outfit below):


I was immediately drawn to him by all of his travel stories. He had recently gotten back from India and told me about all the amazing things he experienced there. He also mentioned having pretty much gone to every Asian and European country over the course of ten years with the goal of traveling as much as he can while he’s “young”.  Some travel was for business and some was for pleasure. While talking about his travels, he happened to mention that he was originally from Milwaukee, WI…which is where my ex is from, ha.

oh my gosh

(In reference to the meme above, Check out the manitowoc minute here)

I pretended to not have been told “everything I’ve ever wanted to know about the city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin the state (in general), The Packers and “Da’ Rodgers” ” prior and let him explain his hometown to me in his own words. Luckily, he had a different perspective of Milwaukee, so it was like hearing about it for the first time (no, he does not have a Wisconsin accent and neither did my ex, unless he was frustrated and then he did and it was funny–but that’s irrelevant to this story). He even told me about this “speakeasy” place I should checkout if I ever go there.

After dinner, everyone seemed pretty tired and called it a night. It was pushing closer to 9 and after a long workday, that made sense, but tailored suit guy asked if I wanted to join him to walk a few doors down to a chocolate shop. I had nothing else better to do, so why not?

“After all, it’s valentine’s day…what’s valentine’s day without chocolate?,” so off we went to grab chocolate.

We managed to snag some truffles about ten minutes before the shop closed and we were booted out at which point he asked if I wanted to grab a drink some place. Through conversation, we realized that we lived about ten minutes from each other on the other side of town. He suggested we meet at this cozy dive bar on our side of town to continue the evening, so off we went.

After meeting up at the dive bar, we spoke another two hours or so about traveling, our jobs, our friends, our random adventures, how terrible hitting 30 felt, how difficult it can be to make friends at this age and so on. We even found out we share a birthday week. He told me some funny stories about how he and his friends bought a sailboat one year with the plan to sail around for a week, but none of them knew how to sail and the boat sank within the first six hours they were on it (no one died).

The conversation was so fascinating and the more we spoke, the more I wanted to know about this guy. It was so interesting. He kept me on the edge of my seat the entire night, but just as equally seemed interested in my life stories as well. Not only was he interesting, he was very kind, patient, non-judgemental and down to earth. I felt like I speaking to someone I’ve known all my life.

Our night came to an end around midnight when we both realized that we had “grown up jobs” and needed to get to bed. We exchanged numbers and made our newly cemented friendship, “facebook official”.

I couldn’t help but to smile on the way home because of the social interaction. I haven’t had such a great and engaging social interaction like that in months and I’ve been longing for that level of connection for some time. While I’ve been dating here and there, I’ve realized lately that there’s something missing…and it’s this spark of being engulfed in engaging conversation to the point of losing track of time (and reality). The guys are nice (and some are fun), but just not extremely interesting conversation wise. I haven’t felt this same level of excitement in speaking to someone since I met my ex. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met so many people over the past few months (friends, flings,  otherwise, etc) that have held my attention (and have even been fun), but maybe not to this extent. The funny thing is, I’m not even holding this guy in a romantic light in anyway shape or form. He’s so damn cool that I just want to be his friend. Sometimes it’s just cool to have someone to vibe with platonically and I feel like he’s someone I could hangout with and could always guarantee a good time.

Since last night we’ve spoken back and forth today about how we both had a great night last night. I’m even inviting him to my birthday dinner in two weeks and he’s invited me to his later on the same week.

So no, while I didn’t get to skip around last night , hand in hand with a “bae”, I did make a new friend and that to me was a nice way to end such a potentially shitty day.



Galentine’s Day?

I’ve been hearing the word, “Galentine’s Day” tossed around quite a bit this year. Per Wikipedia’s definition, this is actually an unofficial “holiday” celebrated on February 13th to celebrate a day for “ladies celebrating ladies”. This came about from a Parks and Recs episode, but is apparently celebrated by some people in real life. Go figure. This almost reminds me of that time my ex made me watch “Girlfriend’s Day” with him one night (on Netflix). The movie was terrible is about some made up holiday a greeting card writer created to basically have another reason to sell cards and to (I guess) “win” his (ex) girlfriend back? The movie for lack of a better word was weird, but we ended up laughing about how we couldn’t believe it was real and also how we somehow “missed the holiday”. Low and behold, there is also a “Boyfriend’s Day” too (not the movie, the holiday). We didn’t miss that one in IRL though….and only “celebrated” it to be funny in reference to the silliness of “Girlfriend’s Day”.

Anyway, I’m rambling about things in the past and I shouldn’t be…Where were we….? Ah yes, “Galentine’s Day”….

I first heard about this about a week ago when one of my female friends drunkenly suggested we all go out for “Valentine’s Day” because all of us are single-ish, right now. I didn’t take her too serious, because she was about three beers deep and because at the time, I wasn’t sure I wanted to even acknowledge the holiday. To be honest, even though I haven’t *always* been single during Vday, I’ve just never cared much for the holiday. I wasn’t single last year on Vday and still tried to mostly avoid it. I’m one of those people that feels like its unnecessary stress and expectations on everyone. I’m from the school of thought that, “everyday should be vday” if you’re really in love with someone (not necessarily by way of elaborate gifts,  but love)…you don’t have to wait until Feb 14…rather, you SHOULDN’T just make that known on Feb 14…you should make it known year ‘round, in addition to recognizing it (I guess)…I don’t know…I’m rambling again, you get the point though.

Anyway, this past weekend, a few other friends of mine mentioned the looming holiday again, this time suggesting we do a “Galentine’s Day” of sorts.

A who, girl? I got the reference of “Gal” and “Valentine’s”, but it just sounded silly, but they were being dead ass serious. DEAD. ASS.

So now not only do I have to openly acknowledge that I’m SINGLE AF on this holiday, I now have to go parade around with my chick posy shouting it out and waving our bras in the air? What does one even do on Galentine’s Day? Do you cry into a pint of beer? Do you throw darts at printed photos of your ex? Do you sing revengeful breakup songs around a bond fire? I’m not up on the culture here…and I don’t “hate” my ex (though he is emotionally reckless a nice guy), so I don’t want to be around that energy. I’m already easily agitated if I have to think about past relationships.

My friend loosely planned this outing as beer and food truck cuisine on Wednesday because, “we don’t need men to feel loved”. Ok then. Girl power. Yeah…I guess the thought has some clout there.

I’ve since had about three other groups of friends mention this, “Galentine’s Day” with everything from wine and Netflix, to a movie and dinner date with your “girls”. It’s a little overwhelming to be invited to so many gatherings, but I guess I’m flattered and happy that we all have each other’s backs. I think a bunch of male friends even suggested a “Palentine’s Day” dinner…?

now sis

To be completely honest though, I don’t really see myself participating in “Galentine’s Day” (and maybe not even “Palentine’s Day”) this year…It’s all very endearing, but baby no. I’m just not in the mood. I’m indifferent about Vday in general and I’d like to not be reminded of it as much as humanly possible. I just want to move past it. The last thing I want to do is to go ANYWHERE public and see couples, coupling. I think that would hurt more than simply treating it as another day and going home. Also, even though I’m “dating”, I think it’s tacky to even bring Vday up to someone (some guys) so new in your life (that are literally on a 30-day trial subscription as it is). Besides, I have to work late anyway, so I’m really not going to be in the mood to be “social” after pulling a 12 hour work day. I think I’d rather just drown myself in halo ice cream and go to bed early. We’ll see.

Am I being a grouch about this? I’m being a grouch, aren’t I? Leave me alone and let me enjoy my trashiness.


On another semi related note, I’m having surprise flowers sent to two of my MALE friends who were SUPER supportive during my time of healing from the breakup and that to me is “enough” for my participation in the holiday (which sidenote: sending flowers is also stressful. I don’t think I’m ever doing that again). Actually, three of my male friends were super supportive, but the other one is happily in a relationship and I don’t want to step on toes. Just know I appreciate you, if you’re reading this 🙂 . You know who you are!


And….uh… happy er….Val-Gal-Pal-en-tines Day of love and/or loneliness. May whatever you want to happen, happen?


Making Lady Friends After 29ish.

Let me tell you. You get to a certain age in life and making friends becomes a little more tricky.

I’ve been going into social butterfly overdrive lately and the introvert in me is a bit worn down. By Saturday night, I was having an internal melt down because I hadn’t been truly “alone” in three days and I was starting to feel overwhelmed.

At first, I made it a point to get out and be more social to get my mind off of this, but then it became more of way to expand my social circle(s) and now I find myself on this quest of, “yes, I’ll do that”, almost every single night of the week. My bank account is NOT happy with me, but I will admit since it happened, I’ve met so many wonderful people and become closer to friends of mine I had sort of neglected.

Part of my quest to expand my social circles lately is to make more female friends. I’ve always been more of, “hang with the guys”, kind of girl, but mostly because I’ve always been a little more tomboyish (I like cars, sports, sneakers, etc) and calm-natured. Yes, I doll up, wear makeup, carry a purse, care about my appearance, etc, I’ve just always felt more relaxed around guys I guess. There are just sometimes though where you want a female perspective or want to vent/rant about things that only other women could relate to…like periods…or how terrible some of our dating choices have been…or why some of us can seem to fully get over our exes, because…the feels.

I have never had any issue making new male friends. 70% of my close or best friends are male (gay and straight). I feel more like myself in those situations and surprisingly I haven’t found it difficult to look at them in a (mostly) platonic way. Not that females aren’t/can’t be any of these things (to me), but I’ve only managed to meet a handful of women in my young adult life that vibe on the same level as me. A lot of the other females I have met seem tangled up into drama and are necessarily catty.

So while over the past year or so, I’ve added a few really cool female friends to my social circle, I decided to partake in an exclusive all female brunch outing over the weekend. I wore chucks and jeans to the brunch.


Some of them dolled up and others, like me, went the more casual route. The brunch was actually through a meet up, so going in, I really only knew 1-2 of the women outside of the meet up and only on kind of an acquaintance level. But did this scare me? Not at all. Part of getting to know people is through conversation and engaging in conversation can be easy if you find relatable things to talk about. I’ve made it a goal of mine in adulthood to try to carry on engaging conversations from people of all walks of life. You would be surprised at how many grown ass people lack the basic skill of carrying on an engaging conversation (hint: if you’re interested in someone, end your sentences with questions, smile, don’t be one-worded–elaborate).

Like me, most of the ladies were newly single, worked demanding jobs and wanted to be more social in general. We discussed work, our pets, misc clothing sales, our families and so on. They were a pretty cool group of women. Everything was going swimmingly until one of them basically insinuated being disgusted by “hanging out” with guys, even on more of a mellow and casual setting within a group like we were doing. She claimed that in “co-ed” hangouts men were only interested in hooking up?

ryan gos - stressed

She went on a tangent about this for nearly twenty minutes or so. I know she talked about it long enough for me to lose interest in the conversation. I thought to myself:  Like, why are you so mad?! Who hurt you?! Maybe the guys I associate with are respectful? I mean, even in situations where a (guy) friend of mine has hinted out to having, “stronger than friendship feelings” for me, it was never aggressive or perverted.  I decided to keep my responses to her tangent abbreviated because she seemed really agitated and bitter, haha.

The rest of brunch went ok, but I feel like I would only occasionally hangout with maybe two out of the seven (not counting me) that were there. Actually, I’m not even a huge fan of “fancy brunch”. I could skip the mimosa, toss me a (craft) beer (or cider) or dump some Bailey’s in my coffee and I’m a happy camper.

Anyway, I met two or three other women out later on that evening after game night with other friends of mine (per usual, we bar hopped). I guess I’ll work on establishing closer friendships with the female friends I already have, because they’re some of the coolest chicks I know.


Girls Night. Girls Talk.


I admittedly don’t have a ton of female friends that I feel close enough to regularly hangout with, but I am working on this. The ones that I DO have and ARE close to are amazing though.

Tonight (Thursday — I’m queuing this to post a few days from now), I met up with some of my girlfriends after work for a happy hour at a fondue place not far from our jobs. I’ve never been to a fondue place (outside of a date with a guy (where I can’t even remember his name now–perhaps it was John?), so I was excited for what the evening had in store.

Per usual, we ordered cocktails and got the evening started. Since we don’t see each other super frequently, we caught each other up on what’s been going on in everyone’s life. This conversation sent one of my friends into this 30 minute tangent about online dating and how draining it had become to her. She told us about all of these dates she had been on and how the guys would weird out or turn out to be something that didn’t appear to be online. She even shared a story of how she dated this one guy, who until a few dates in, didn’t even bother to tell her that he had recently gotten a divorce and she was the first person he had dated since the divorce. Hmmm…sounds quite familiar.

Anyway, she went on to say how weird the guy eventually started acting and how he seemed to be in and out in terms of communicating, which lead her to believe that perhaps he jumped the gun too soon and wasn’t ACTUALLY ready to start dating like he thought. She talked about how annoying this was, because dating someone right out off of a divorce, broken engagement or serious long term relationship adds an additional layer of difficulty to things because of the baggage that often comes along with it.  You end up either having to hear about their ex, dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable or someone who dives in too quickly.  You want to pity and treat their heart with care, but you also want to make sure the person is emotionally stable enough to even commit to you on the most basic level.

Her entire rant reminded me a lot of the situation with my ex and how I think if I had known he came from a broken engagement a few months prior and I was the “first person” he dated since coming off of that engagement, I might have approached the situation quite differently. I might have suggested we talk about that and whether or not he was truly ready to start something new. I might have been more cautious, I might have asked more questions regarding his emotional state. Perhaps I could have saved myself some emotional trauma by approaching things a little more logically (even though I initially approached them logically and got “lost in the sauce”). Because if it’s taking me this long to *fully* get over that relationship, I can only imagine the work and time it would take to get over something like a broken engagement. Hell, he might  not have even (or will ever) really been (or be) over it by the time he met me and dived head first into whatever it was we were doing because the excitement of possibly being in love again consumed and overwhelmed him in a way that caused him to act a bit irrationally and irresponsibly. As I’ve mentioned, that’s pretty reckless (emotionally), but we’re all human and I guess I understand.

While maybe he benefited himself by getting back out there after a period where he didn’t think he could ever love or find happiness again, he left my heart black and blue in the process. While I was knocked down for a few rounds, I’m starting to dust myself off and get back in the ring. I have realized that I am much stronger emotionally than I could have ever imagined and he will not break me or my spirit.

The more I think about it though, the less angry I feel. If anything, I sort of have a better understanding of it all. Not that I’m giving him a pass for that (because he essentially dragged someone unknowingly into his whirlwind of emotions–and by unknowingly, didn’t disclose that information to me), but it helps me to understand his perspective a bit more and maybe to understand that it wasn’t intentional.  It was still wrong, yes, but I don’t think he meant any ill will. Maybe he really did wake up one day and reality hit him and perhaps he realized he jumped the gun a bit before even processing the situation at hand? Would have been nice if he had thought that way as we were meeting, so I could have skipped all of this trauma, but  It happens. Should it continue to happen forever and always? Well, no. Lessons should be learned from this on both sides. I certainly learned mine. I just hoped he took something away from this.

Anyway, my friends and I continued to exchange dating stories for the rest of the evening and I found myself feeling like I wasn’t alone in this crazy thing called life. I’m not the only one getting over a breakup and attempting to dust off and “dip” into the dating pool once more, knowing I’m going to have to weed through a ton of idiots before finding someone even worthy of actually dating on a more serious level. I’m sure when I’m ready and the time is right, that person will come along. Until then, I just have to trust that things will get better and focus on feeling better so that I drag none of this bitterness into my next relationship. Also, so that I don’t hold any (deeply rooted) resentment towards my ex specifically.

We’ll see. In the meantime, talking to friends and going out more has been instrumental in this healing process.