Mr. Swagoo

So I’ve been meaning to write a follow up post about dude from valentine’s day, let’s just call him, “mr. swagoo”. As I mentioned in that post, I was instantly drawn to him because he was so cool. He’s traveled to all of these amazing places, seemed really smart, was very well put together, dressed very professionally and was very kind and non judgemental to everyone. Talking to him seemed to come second nature to me and we spent hours in a bar valentine’s day chatting, which sealed our solid friendship.

Fast Forward several weeks and we’ve even gone out a few times (solo) as friends. One Saturday night, he took me to a concert downtown. It was kind of a lame concert (a friend of his got free tickets and gave them to him), but it was still fun being there with him and cracking jokes about everything around us.

Friday night I had a huge gathering for my birthday at this local Mexican restaurant and he came out despite not really knowing any of my other friends, which I thought was sweet, especially since we’ve known each other MAYBE three and a half weeks. He immediately integrated in with everyone as if he had known them all for years and even really hit it off with another good friend that I recently met a week or two coming off of the break-up. He “worked the room” much better than I did (after a  while, I became too drunk and overwhelmed to really move around like that and just sort of allowed people to come to me).

After chatting with everyone, he came back over to me and bought me a few drinks (he his a jack and coke, old fashion or bourbon neat sort of guy–classy). The way he sat close to me and placed his hand on mine as we chatted caused me to tune everyone else out and tune into to him exclusively. He tuned everyone out as well and focused just on me. We talked about getting together in the coming week for dinner and HIS birthday dinner the following weekend (which he invited me to the same night that we met). He left towards the end of the dinner as my other friends started talking about making plans to venture downtown. He gave me this huge bear hug and told me to text him. He explicitly also asked me to text him later to let him know I made it home ok too (after the tomfoolery downtown with friends). As the responsible adult that he is, he mentioned needing to get some rest so he could tend to his yard work in the morning.  He owns his own house about five minutes down the road from my townhome (which I am renting-eek) and I found out through conversation that he owns a corvette (o__o) as a second car. Clearly I’m not living my best life, folks.

After his departure, one of my lifelong best friends (who was also there) made a comment to me about how nice mr. swagoo seemed and even asked if there was something going on between us.

hmmm

At first I found this funny until I actually thought about it (in my drunken mind) and how I may have been unintentionally friendzoning him. Oops. I thought back to all of the times he asked to “hangout” and how half of those times I declined in order to dick around with friends or the guys HALF his worth I’ve been dating. I thought about how he always texts me and how responsive, funny and very kind he is in his texts. I thought about how well we clicked that night we met and how non-judgemental he is. I thought about how I’ve seen numerous examples of how sweet and thoughtful he is…and I thought about how nice he dressed.

Why have I been blind to this?! Have I really spent this many weeks in a consistent drunken haze that I haven’t noticed?!

I think what it boils down to (and I did a tweet thread about this last weekend) is that I’m so used to having guy friends that I often don’t think twice about it. I just assume if I met a guy under the realm of a friendly environment, friends we sha’ll be! I rarely stop to think, “maybe this guy quite possibly may want to be all up in my guts…or in the very least, might want to entertain getting to know me beyond friends”. It literally takes a guy shaking me and shouting that he wants to date me sometimes in order for me to realize these things. This might also have something to do with self esteem (although much better than years past) and how I don’t really believe I’m anyone’s “type” or truly believe guys when they tell me they like or me that I’m beautiful. Yeah I know, this is wild. I’m working through this.

I’m not saying this guy is any of those things and for all I know maybe he’s just really nice and enjoys my company just as I enjoy his. I will say that my eyes are open now and I’m starting to pay a little bit more attention to him. I’d like to get to know him more, even if it’s as friends. He had my curiosity, now he has my attention. He’s not even my “type”, which might be perfect, because clearly my “type” hasn’t been working out so well these last few years. I realized this weekend that I find him to be extremely sexy. He just has swag out of this atmosphere and I want to be around the good vibes he’s putting off.

Anyway, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself here, I just plan to be a bit more on alert than before. I’m fine being friends with him because he’s unlike anyone else in my life right now and I think he offers a different perspective on life. He’s allowing me to reconsider what I want out of life and how maybe I’m holding back just a bit on some of my goals and dreams.

 

Galentine’s Day?

I’ve been hearing the word, “Galentine’s Day” tossed around quite a bit this year. Per Wikipedia’s definition, this is actually an unofficial “holiday” celebrated on February 13th to celebrate a day for “ladies celebrating ladies”. This came about from a Parks and Recs episode, but is apparently celebrated by some people in real life. Go figure. This almost reminds me of that time my ex made me watch “Girlfriend’s Day” with him one night (on Netflix). The movie was terrible is about some made up holiday a greeting card writer created to basically have another reason to sell cards and to (I guess) “win” his (ex) girlfriend back? The movie for lack of a better word was weird, but we ended up laughing about how we couldn’t believe it was real and also how we somehow “missed the holiday”. Low and behold, there is also a “Boyfriend’s Day” too (not the movie, the holiday). We didn’t miss that one in IRL though….and only “celebrated” it to be funny in reference to the silliness of “Girlfriend’s Day”.

Anyway, I’m rambling about things in the past and I shouldn’t be…Where were we….? Ah yes, “Galentine’s Day”….

I first heard about this about a week ago when one of my female friends drunkenly suggested we all go out for “Valentine’s Day” because all of us are single-ish, right now. I didn’t take her too serious, because she was about three beers deep and because at the time, I wasn’t sure I wanted to even acknowledge the holiday. To be honest, even though I haven’t *always* been single during Vday, I’ve just never cared much for the holiday. I wasn’t single last year on Vday and still tried to mostly avoid it. I’m one of those people that feels like its unnecessary stress and expectations on everyone. I’m from the school of thought that, “everyday should be vday” if you’re really in love with someone (not necessarily by way of elaborate gifts,  but love)…you don’t have to wait until Feb 14…rather, you SHOULDN’T just make that known on Feb 14…you should make it known year ‘round, in addition to recognizing it (I guess)…I don’t know…I’m rambling again, you get the point though.

Anyway, this past weekend, a few other friends of mine mentioned the looming holiday again, this time suggesting we do a “Galentine’s Day” of sorts.

A who, girl? I got the reference of “Gal” and “Valentine’s”, but it just sounded silly, but they were being dead ass serious. DEAD. ASS.

So now not only do I have to openly acknowledge that I’m SINGLE AF on this holiday, I now have to go parade around with my chick posy shouting it out and waving our bras in the air? What does one even do on Galentine’s Day? Do you cry into a pint of beer? Do you throw darts at printed photos of your ex? Do you sing revengeful breakup songs around a bond fire? I’m not up on the culture here…and I don’t “hate” my ex (though he is emotionally reckless a nice guy), so I don’t want to be around that energy. I’m already easily agitated if I have to think about past relationships.

My friend loosely planned this outing as beer and food truck cuisine on Wednesday because, “we don’t need men to feel loved”. Ok then. Girl power. Yeah…I guess the thought has some clout there.

I’ve since had about three other groups of friends mention this, “Galentine’s Day” with everything from wine and Netflix, to a movie and dinner date with your “girls”. It’s a little overwhelming to be invited to so many gatherings, but I guess I’m flattered and happy that we all have each other’s backs. I think a bunch of male friends even suggested a “Palentine’s Day” dinner…?

now sis

To be completely honest though, I don’t really see myself participating in “Galentine’s Day” (and maybe not even “Palentine’s Day”) this year…It’s all very endearing, but baby no. I’m just not in the mood. I’m indifferent about Vday in general and I’d like to not be reminded of it as much as humanly possible. I just want to move past it. The last thing I want to do is to go ANYWHERE public and see couples, coupling. I think that would hurt more than simply treating it as another day and going home. Also, even though I’m “dating”, I think it’s tacky to even bring Vday up to someone (some guys) so new in your life (that are literally on a 30-day trial subscription as it is). Besides, I have to work late anyway, so I’m really not going to be in the mood to be “social” after pulling a 12 hour work day. I think I’d rather just drown myself in halo ice cream and go to bed early. We’ll see.

Am I being a grouch about this? I’m being a grouch, aren’t I? Leave me alone and let me enjoy my trashiness.

grouch

On another semi related note, I’m having surprise flowers sent to two of my MALE friends who were SUPER supportive during my time of healing from the breakup and that to me is “enough” for my participation in the holiday (which sidenote: sending flowers is also stressful. I don’t think I’m ever doing that again). Actually, three of my male friends were super supportive, but the other one is happily in a relationship and I don’t want to step on toes. Just know I appreciate you, if you’re reading this 🙂 . You know who you are!

 

And….uh… happy er….Val-Gal-Pal-en-tines Day of love and/or loneliness. May whatever you want to happen, happen?