Running on Social Fumes

I’ve always been a naturally introverted person. I get the most peace and satisfaction out of doing quiet “smaller group” activities/hobbies with close friends/loved ones (or even by myself) than I do in mass crowds of people I don’t know very well in loud/chaotic environments that I’m not quite familiar with.

This is not to say that I am not an open-minded person and that I do not try new things/experiences or enjoy meeting new people, I just approach it all a little differently than I think I should. Somewhat cautiously at times.

For instance, I truly believe that I’ve learned in my 30+ years of life that there are two very prominent versions of me (with subcategories of course). I touch on those subcategories here, but in a nutshell, there is the true introverted me and then there is the “pretending to be extroverted” me. I’ve taken the “test” and while I’m fairly close to the center (having both introverted and extroverted qualities), I feel more natural as an introvert and I’m reminded of this in extended situations where I am unable to “recharge” appropriately.

For example, last week I was on a business trip for the entire week attending a conference. Typically when I travel for work I usually build in one “solo day” (usually the day before business or day after business has ended) where I explore whatever city I’m in and gather myself prior to (or after) dealing with an extremely long duration of social interaction. I love this alone time. Doing this usually helps to reprogram my mind so that I appear “put together” and “well rested”. Granted, most of the people who attend the conference I went to last week are colleagues of mine (scattered across the country) in the field that “I know”, but it’s still draining to spend all day networking, collaborating and doing dinner/drinks to chit-chat about our lives outside of the office. I can lay on the charm decently enough I believe, as I’ve spent nearly a decade working on this “skill”.  I laugh and smile constantly, compliment those in my presence, act genuinely concerned or interested in news (both good and bad) they care to share and I always wish them the best with all of their endeavors (and I mostly mean it). On business trips though–unlike an actual 8 hour work day, there is very little “off time”. From sun up to sun down there is consistent interaction and it’s draining. I can usually keep the energized extroverted version of me going for a good little while until I abruptly hit a wall and run out of gas.  I can recall feeling somewhat “energized” earlier in the week and even earlier parts of each day, but towards the end of the week I had very little drive or motivation to be overly friendly and talkative and really just wanted to be alone. It was like the social side of my brain had gone on a hiatus. I remember attempting to have a quiet breakfast in the hotel on my last day of the trip, only to be met one after the other with an eventual table FULL of my colleagues who didn’t want me to have breakfast alone.

But that was the point.

It took me nearly a day after returning home to gather myself enough to jump back into my routine and even in making plans with my boyfriend, I opted for the day after my return and for a quiet evening “in” (as opposed to us “going out”). Luckily my very sweet boyfriend (mostly) understands this and “gets me” as he is also an introverted-at-times-pretending-to-be-extroverted, as well. Having my solo time the day I arrived home and then our lax 1-on-1 time “in” really helped me recharge socially in order to take on my week. It’s like I gained an extra boost of energy…that will later be depleted.

Speaking of the boyfriend and being social, I’m in this continuous cycle of basically meeting everyone in his life (which is very flattering, but at times overwhelming). I’ve met his best friends, his friend-friends, his co-workers, his boss, neighbors, S.O.s of his friends, old friends, new friends, acquaintances… and so on and soon to be his family (this weekend). As I mentioned a few weeks back, we’re heading to his best friend’s wedding (that he’s in) this weekend and because the wedding is in the town he “sort of” grew up in, we’re staying with his family.

nervous

While in the back of my mind I’ve sort of seen this as kinda being a “big deal”, the idea of it all really hit home while at his best friend’s soon-to-be-bride’s impromptu bachelorette gathering (I won’t go into detail about how last-minute and highly unorganized this was and how it almost interfered with our planned night in time). I sat there nursing a beer and chatting with the ladies (you know, “making nice”) because I want to be a good girlfriend and genuinely be warm and friendly to the people in his life. They are all either married, engaged or in longish-term relationships with friends of his.

They talked about the wedding and all of the activities in between and how much fun it will be! And how as a group, we were going to do all of these *really* fun things! All I could think of how the constant “togetherness” of being around all of his friends (and then family during times where we’re NOT doing wedding activities) was going to be exhausting. Like really exhausting. Fun, but the kind of exhaustion that may require some down time when I return home. I thought about how the only “down time” I’d have to really “recharge” would be the drive there and back where we’d have a few hours of just “us” time..but NOPE! Apparently as of today an out-of-town college buddy of his (who I have not met yet)  will be joining us on this journey to the wedding so now even the car ride over and back will involve, “putting on the extroverted charm so that I don’t appear cold or distant”, social interaction.

Jesus lord.

This week I can’t even mentally prepare for all of that togetherness (for this weekend) because he wants me to meet old high school buddies of his that are in town this evening and more co-workers on Wednesday (I feel like when we started dating he didn’t even regularly hangout with THIS many people–wtf) And I can’t say no…what kind of girlfriend would I be (maybe a more socially energized one)?

Through all of this potentially social, stressful and draining hoo-ha, the one silver lining here is something his best friend’s wife told me on Saturday during our “girls afternoon out” that sort of put all of this into perspective:

I’ve never seen — so happy before and I’ve known him and my husband since college. Whenever I’m around you two, you have this really strong connection and I can tell you are both genuinely crazy about each other. It’s sweet. I remember watching the two of you interact a few weeks ago at dinner and it was THE sweetest thing. You guys just “get” each other and it seems like you’ve been together years.

He’s also very protective of his family and even — has only met his dad ONCE (in passing) and they’ve been best friends for like a decade! The fact that he’s intentionally taking you to MEET his family and stay with them is a big deal (to him).

We think the absolute world of you and we’re so happy that you two are together!

No pressure, right?

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I hope this weekend doesn’t turn out like Crazy Rich Asians.

 

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Friends, Dates, ???, FWBs, Exes.

I was slammed (socially) this past weekend and I’m still paying for it. I did dinner, trivia and bar hopping Friday with some friends, brunch with my parents, date with the teacher, game night with friends, brewery lounge on Saturday and Sunday I took a day trip to the beach with some friends to check out a street festival.

You’re probably wondering, “why do you do this stupid shit?” and my response would be, “because you only live once and I’m a dumb ass.”

After having quite a stressful week at work, I really wanted to focus on fun with friends, where I felt I could be completely relaxed and at ease. My plan was not to go on any dates, but the teacher seemed fairly persistent, so I finally took him up on the offer. We met at this public garden where we walked around for about an hour before my allergies started to go crazy and we dipped into a brewery right down the road (actually the one we met at on our first date). I really appreciated his planning. He knew I had, had a hellish week and wanted to take me places that would ease my mind. We even did dinner after downing a few beers (and I was good and lit).

The teacher has kind of been a dark horse in all of this. He’s a very kindhearted guy, makes his intentions fairly clear and has no problem showering me with compliments and support, all while giving me “space”. I think he “really” likes me and while I enjoy hanging out with him, I’m not sure if I feel those same romantic feelings towards him and I’m not sure how to handle that. Hes fun to talk to (I guess), but I’m having a hard time forcing myself to dive into the pool of infatuation and I’m not even sure if the urge is going to come. Part of me knows I’m not going to have those feelings (for him) no matter how hard I try, but the other part of me wants to know why that even is…? Am I just not attracted to him? He’s not bad looking necessarily…Maybe he’s not “bad boy” enough.

Anyway, after date time with The Teacher, I met up with friends for game night and brewery lounging before calling it an early night around midnight so I could get up to drive to a friend’s house for our day trip Sunday.

My friend that I was meeting up with recently bought a house about thirty minutes outside of town (in the country). This is the friend that I reference in the flake post. Anyway, since it had been so long since she, my other friend and I had hung out, we decided to take a day trip to the beach (from her place).

We had an interesting conversation on dating, relationships and love in our two hour car ride. We all kind of opened up about past situations and how/what we learned from them. We talked about how difficult it was to date in your 30s and how all of us thought online dating in particular was extremely draining. Over the last few months, I really haven’t opened up much about my “love life” in that way. I mean, I’ve vaguely mentioned that I’ve been regularly seeing someone (because another group of friends want to know why I’m missing events here and there), but I haven’t elaborated on how that situation or any past situations have made me feel. I haven’t talked about my fears or insecurities in dating. Or how sometimes I get tired of having to decode things. For some reason with these two friends, I felt compelled to really open up to them about everything going on. I told them about Babyface and how I was sort of at a crossroads with him because my feelings towards him lately have turned into more of a physical convenience than anything else (he’s adorable, funny and nice, but very little of that phases me these days). I told them about my ex and how damaged I felt right after our breakup and how I had been taking precautions in dating to never end up in that situation again. I even told them about other misc relationships, like with blast from the past and how the current state of our friendship is at times strained due to him cheating on me so many years ago and never directly apologizing about it. Overall, the trip really put a lot of things in perspective for me. We even had a conversation about what dating was to each of us and my one friend decided that he probably wasn’t “doing dating correctly”, because dating should involve effort form BOTH parties, it shouldn’t necessarily be one person pulling all of the weight.

We ended up having a fun day at the beach and on the way back, my friends suggested that I refuse to make any plans with Babyface because they thought he was being extremely lazy in never (fully) planning any of our dates  minus our very first one and half of our last one (though one of them said he might just be “shy” and afraid I might not like all of his suggestions–he is not “shy”). Earlier that weekend, Babyface had mentioned getting together the following weekend (this upcoming weekend), but as usual, never provided any details or thoughts as to what he wanted to do or what day/time he wanted to do said things. Per the suggestion of my friends, I sent him a text message Monday night in response basically saying:

This weekend is fine. I’m going to step back and let you figure it out though. You just tell me the when and the where.

*crickets*

As I took breaks to type up this blog post, he responded, but not really to my statement. He sent more of a “good morning, how are you doing, how was your trip,” text. Can I say that is another form of text messaging etiquette that bothers me? Like, he blatantly ignored what I said. I know he has to have somewhat of a reading comprehension to have made it through college…

Maybe I’m just annoyed with Babyface because I’m PMSing and  craving some back breaking action from him specifically–ha, sort of just kidding…but seriously, I’m tired and I don’t want to plan anything. I think I deserve a break on that. We could do pizza on his/mine couch for all I care…just plan it.

Meetup

Meetup

I’ve mentioned up here a few times about how I’ve met all over this wonderful people post breakup (back in November). Sure, some of the people I met through other friends or through random circumstances, but I’ve met a great deal of them through Meetup.

Now, I’m not going to get up here and plug Meetup (because they are not paying me to do so), but it’s been a great tool to flesh out my social circle a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I love and adore all of my friends equally, but there are certain hobbies I like to do or places I want to go/things I want to experience that may not appeal to all of them and that’s fine. Plus, once you kind of get out of college, making NEW friends outside of your social circle and work environment can be a little more challenging.

Meetup is just like its name says…it’s a “meet up”. You use the site to join “meetups” (groups) and RSVP to “events” that group is putting on. All of the “meetups” have “hosts” (some have one host others have several) that organize and post the events to members. Some have “meetups” weekly and others more sporadically or in more of an ad-hoc sense. Pretty much every group’s purpose is to help its members to branch out and meet new like minded folks. It’s great for people who have recently moved to town or just for people who may be a little shy or even newly single (hey, that’s me). Shortly after the break up, I was feeling really down in the dumps and really lonely (I don’t want to link to this because the post was extra sad). I probably spent at least two weeks just going to work and sleeping. I also wasn’t eating and was just barely getting through work each day. I was on autopilot. It didn’t help that during this time, I was for whatever goofy reason still seeing my ex (for lunch, coffee, etc), which was a bad idea because he also looked like death warmed over. It just made everything hurt that much more because we were both sad and it enhanced my sadness to see him like that. Yeah, I did a lot of sleeping and can’t remember a good chunk of that time period. I was not in a good place emotionally. Anyway, after having a bit of an emotional spaz fest around Thanksgiving, I decided I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back to living my life, but that I needed to live my life a bit differently and maybe try and do things I hadn’t done before to keep my mind off of being sad. I figured, what better way to do that than to pick up a new hobby or two and the rest is history.

I now have an additional social circle of friends that I regularly spend time with even outside of our regular meetups. We usually do a few things outside of meetup weekly and lately over each other’s places. It’s been so much fun getting to know them. They really helped me get through a dark period a few months ago and even more of a bonus, many of them had also just gone through breakups, so we were all kind of healing and leaning on one another to get better. It’s been great.

Aside from all of the positives that have come from meetup, like meeting new people that have become great friends, brushing up on various hobbies of mine, venturing out to new places in the area that I’ve never been to and getting a different perspective on life in general, it has also come with some negative aspects. One of which being the amount of men two stepping into my message box (yes, there is a messaging feature in meetup. Think of it like email).

Typically, the message function is supposed to be used by organizers to communicate with group members about events, but sometimes can also be used to communicate with members in your group…but for whatever reason lately, I’ve been inundated with messages from guys hitting on me, asking for my number, flatout asking me out on dates— sir, WTF?!

First of all, yes meetup could be used as a tool to date and or meet your next S.O., especially if you join a meetup geared towards that (like speed dating, singles groups/outings, etc), but cold messaging somebody out the fucking blue that you don’t even know or have never even seen in person is a little bold for my taste. It’s also bold to assume that person is not already in a relationship or at the very least actively dating. I could be an asshole and print screen these messages up here, but I don’t think that’s necessary. It’s just annoying. I don’t even have a racy photo on meetup. I’m literally in a sweater and jeans and my hair is frizzy. I think I took the photo in my bathroom. I personally think I look like a bum.

I will summarize two message exchanges I’ve had up there within the past month:

  1. One guy messaged me because we were in the same meetup group (not one I’m active in) and then further into the conversation asked if any of the groups I was a member of indicated if I was single. He then proceeded to ask me if I was “into older men”…Gross. No, dude.
  2. Another guy (just earlier this week) sent me some long message asking if I had seen black panther (which I have). Then further along his lengthy message asked me out on a date to go see the movie and wanted to know if I wanted to do dinner after, “my choice”. NO. WTH.
  3. Another guy after asking me about a meetup asked me to send him more photos of me and drop my digits. SO FULL OF NOPE.

Obviously, the meetups that I share with these guys (if any at all) are not ones I’m even active in or are meetups that are dormant and I’ve just been too lazy to remove them from my profile.

But jazzedout, you’ll date someone online, what makes this any different?

mocking

What makes this different is that I’m actively choosing to use online dating as one of MANY tools to date.  I am not actively choosing to be borderline harassed on a social website. Meetup is not specifically meant for online dating (exclusively anyway–it is not a dating website) nor is my entire reason for using it meant for dating. If you just so happen to date someone you meet through meetup, great, but cold messaging people is a bit creepy. Secondly, if I am online dating and I decide to meet that person IRL, we’ve usually spoken quite a bit and feel comfortable enough with one another before even moving to that stage. I’ve never been one to be like, “hey, this guy I know NOTHING about just asked me to see this movie tonight in his first message, off I go”.

arthr

No sir. You ever seen a lifetime movie or 1,000 ways to die? Won’t be me. Bet.

Anyway, aside from the creepy men dropping in my messages (I’m usually nice and respond by politely declining, but I think I’ll just start ignoring or blocking all together), it’s been a pretty cool tool to use in expanding my social circles. I definitely recommend it….just maybe shut your messaging feature off (I believe you also get communications from your organizers in your email too), so you probably don’t technically need that feature turned on.

Stretch Yourself, Girl

I’m so happy this week is coming to a close. It’s been busy both socially and professionally, but I learned my lesson from last week in that it’s always important to listen to my body, protect my peace and allow myself down days/mental health days when needed.

Last night I had another date with the teacher. This date had been rescheduled from Sunday when I was, “sick” (mentally exhausted). On my way to meet him, I was slammed with requests from other friends to “hangout”. Three friends back to back in fact, including the guy from Vday (which reminds me, I need to write a post about him). While flattering, I didn’t want to cancel on the teacher again and declined all of the offers.  I can’t remember being in this high demand like…ever. I even have all of these “engagements” tonight and had to decline on like two for tomorrow. I’m this average person. I wasn’t even this popular in my 20s. What is this even? Am I on punk’d?

punk'd 2

The teacher and I originally had plans to eat at this trendy southern place downtown (since we both spoke about how we like BBQ the last time we met), but once we got there, we realized it was closed for a private event. Just great. Since we were kind of anchored downtown (he actually paid $10 to park in a garage, while I parked a few blocks away for free.99!), we opted for this little taco spot instead (which btw, tmi, but those tacos from last night have my stomach doing the running man this morning. I can’t eat at that place anymore). It was dive barish and tacky, but near the college up the street, so it was understandable. We both ordered margaritas (since it was national margarita day) and spent an hour or two talking about our weeks. I felt bad, because it had been so long since our last encounter, that I was having trouble remembering some details about him. Like I remembered things like what he did, that he was in the army, that he liked both dogs AND cats, that he had family a few hours away etc. But I kept forgetting things like he enjoyed board games–which is a hobby we actually share. I would forget the that. I think casually dating several guys at the same time is putting a lot of strain on my short term memory (but it is also helping me pace myself and not become emotionally attached to anyone too soon). Anyway, the date went ok, he walked me back to my car and said we should do it again. He even followed up with a text message later on that evening saying the same thing. I’m so jaded though that I never take any of that to face value. I mean, just this situation alone was enough for me to not to put stock in anything anyone you’re casually dating says. People basically say shit to say it, I’m convinced. Hell, I do it sometimes. Pssh. I don’t know. I like him, but I may lead too much of a crazy life for him. He seems more calm and reserved. We’ll see.

Speaking of dates and plans, I have plans with baby face this weekend. Aside from our first date, all of our others have basically been, “We’re going to start the night at this place, but we’ll plan all of our other rendezvous from there.” This has worked out fine, because it can get complicated to plan TOO much too soon. I do appreciate that he at least sort of tag teams with me on planning though unlike this guy. I did offer to make him dinner Saturday because he mentioned really craving “street tacos” and I feel guilty that he’s been dropping all of these coins lately on dinners (even though he doesn’t seem to mind–I did take care of our $45 drink tab last week, but I wanted to…but still). Do I like to cook? Not really. Am I good at cooking? I haven’t set myself on fire (yet)…I’m ok. Ha, to be honest, I got really spoiled with my ex, because cooking was his *thing*. He did this really well. Ain’t nobody out here cooking better than him, *kevin hart voice* I promise you, boo-boo. Gotta give credit where it is due. But now that I think about it, he may have just been using me as a guinea pig to make these elaborate dishes just to see if he could do it. That food still hit though, I’m not gonna lie.

drooling

In fact, when we were together, I rarely had to even buy groceries, because he’d cook for me so much, which was sweet, because I’m lazy (but I would bake for him and from scratch) . Ha, so being the one cooking this go ’round should be interesting. I’m going to steal borrow one of those taco recipes he used. Because again. Lazy here. Hopefully I don’t give him (baby face) food poisoning or set my house on fire in the process. I definitely won’t be sharing the same bowl that raw chicken sat in for the cooked chicken though. That’s an automatic deal breaker or as baby face would say, “hard pass”. Aside from dinner and maybe a movie out, we’ll see what else becomes of the evening.

On another note, I’ve been tossing around the idea of inviting baby face to a birthday dinner I’m having with friends next friday. Last time I counted, about 20 friends of mine will be there, probably more? Through conversation, he mentioned that his birthday is three days after mine, which means we actually share a birthday weekend, haha. I go back and forth on this decision, because this guy is not my “boyfriend” and I’m really trying to keep this “casual” for now to see where it goes and what becomes of it. I’m not sure if I really want to introduce someone to my clique that I’m casually–nomnom…*jamaican air horn toot*…er… — On the other hand, I feel like it would be rude of me NOT to invite him, since it’s also his birthday and I probably spend close to the amount of time with him that I do with some of my other friends that will be there…So I don’t know. I just worry about how I would introduce him to friends that really haven’t heard of him? Because they will equally be like, dude wtf.

“Oh, this is baby face, he’s my….uh…you see we…I…well…–What’s that over there?!”

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I don’t want to introduce him as a “friend” because that might be insulting, but he’s not my—ugh…and we’re back at square one all over again. I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I guess I can at least mention it to him to see if he even wants to go. He may be too overwhelmed by that, to be honest. Hell, I’m overwhelmed and it’s my own birthday dinner. I didn’t even realize I had this many friends until recently. Shit. Who knew?

Again…Where is my emotional support peacock? Does he do appointments…? Srsly u guise

peacock

Protecting My Peace.

I’ve had a really busy couple of days (socially) in the past week and as I sat down to write this blog entry, I realized just how tired I really am. I think I have officially depleted my social energy for a good 24-48 hrs. I think part of my exhaustion is coming from trying to be everyone’s best and most loyal friend, which has come at the price of often splitting my time across numerous social events that overlap, foregoing regular sleep schedules and contemplating just when I’m going to get around to taking care of the basic chores around my house.

Since the breakup (that I felt at the time was “devastating“), I’ve been blessed to welcome (and re-welcome) so many wonderful people and new experiences into my life, that I probably would have never met/known/experienced/crossed paths with had I not gone through that enormous heartache. I’ve been assessing it lately, but not in a, “woe is me, I’m still butt hurt behind this, fuck this guy,” but more of a very peaceful, “everything happens for a reason and I’m a better person because of it and I hope he is too”. All in all, I learned a lot from it and was able to have this extraordinarily fascinating person in my life that I’m excited to see (from a distance) continue to blossom as he swan dives into his 30s this year. He has a good head on his shoulders and a heart and gold and I know he’ll go far in life. He kept me on my toes, showed me what it was like to love unconditionally and helped me realize that I definitely deserve all of the love and positive energy that I am putting out into the universe in return and that I should never settle for anything less from anyone. I just feel blessed that I was fortune enough to cross paths with him on this journey we call life. Hopefully he took something away from me too and I hope he’s treated just as well as he deserves to be treated or I might possibly have to cut a bitch .

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Ha. No, I’m not high or anything like that, I’ve just been mostly at peace with it. Maybe I just needed to get past valentine’s day before I could officially “let go” of whatever remnants of “hurt” that were still lingering.

It’s funny, because just as I’m finding more peace with the situation, I’ve been able to make room for someone new. Well, I shouldn’t say, “new”, more like the notion of someone new. As I’ve mentioned previously, I am actively dating again, but slowly and a little more on the casual side. I’m not looking to dive head first into a relationship for a while. As my friend Greg put it (in reference to himself in terms of dating), “I’m a little rusty and need the practice.” It’s been interesting so far, but lately, I’ve been spending a little more time with one guy in particular (I believe I reference him here).

I haven’t really thought about this guy in an extremely serious sense and I don’t get butterflies really, but he’s been a lot of fun to be around with and reminds me of what it’s like to just go out, have fun and chill. He’s really kind and makes me laugh. We’re just about able to make an adventure out of pretty much anything that we do together. While on the goofy side, I like that he’s a very chivalrous guy. He still opens doors, uses his manners, dresses up for dates and all of that classy shit. He’s also very intelligent and doesn’t spend an ungodly amount of time consumed with technology or social media like most people. I like that I don’t feel pressured or rushed into “labels” like I was in my last relationship. I like that we make goofy faces at each other sometimes just to be silly and I also like that I’m just able to have fun with him and still maintain having my own life and identity outside of it. In my last relationship, I felt like I was almost instantly sucked into the black hole of my ex’s gravitational pull.While he was very sweet and the newness of the relationship was exciting, to was at times, very lonely, because I felt like I wasn’t able to entertain doing the things I loved or wanted to do outside of getting to know him.

Anyway, Friday night babyface and I went out for Thai and drinks by my place. Since our encounter the previous week, I’ve been trying to get him over to my place in more a roundabout way without coming out and saying, “just come over so we can…😉🍆👌🏾😏☺️,” I mean hey, I am a woman and I “respect myself”, but I like to have fun as well and I’m single and can do that. Ha. I’m not sure if he figured out my very calculated plan (yes, I calculated out just how everything was going to work in my head before the night got started), but he’s fairly “go with the flow” and went along with it.

After a fancy Thai dinner (which by the way, was at the same place I’ve been to with my ex numerous times and the hostess set us at the table that my ex and I would always sit at–can we say weird), we went out for drinks at a tavern not far from my house, but not before I suggested he leave his truck parked there so we could go to the tavern in one car (because ultimately, I wanted him to come back to my place after).

Drinks were fun and I offered to pay since he’s been paying for all of our dates these past few weeks. I don’t mind picking up the tab if I feel like the guy legitimately enjoys my company and isn’t just trying to fuck, play games or be a mooch. Drink wise, we both went hard and had a few rounds of bourbon before closing out. I sort of think we were trying to out do one another to see who could stand the manliest drink. I’m pretty sure he won, being that he’s a smooth 8 inches taller than me and athletically toned.

Before heading back to my place, he suggested we swing by the grocery store to pick up some beer to have while we watched netflix (and chillllled). After he became a bit indecisive about the beer, he suggested I choose. I was already well on my way to being intoxicated, so I didn’t really see myself drinking beer once we got back, but I opted for a smooth seasonal cider and we were on our way.

Once back at my place, he went into this super sweet mode of pulling me close and cuddling with me. He’d gently rub my back and softly kiss my forehead as the alcohol really started to settle in and caused me to feel sleepy (or maybe I was just sleepy and those two energy drinks I smashed hours earlier at work both wore off at the same damn time). I could barely finish the one beer I did open, while he easily drank another two, before I told him I was tired and asked if could move our netflix and chill session upstairs to my bedroom so I could lay down. He agreed and off we went. By this point, we were both exhausted (mostly from work), but the stars all aligned we went for it.

As I mentioned before, this has been my first true (and full) intimate encounter since my ex, so while it felt a tad bit strange for a few seconds, I eventually got over it and focused appropriately on babyface.

sensational

After all was said and done, I offered the invitation for him to stay the night, which he had no issue taking and we passed out. My sleep was fragmented at best, but it was nice to wake up warm and being cuddled. I remember waking up as the sun rose to study his bare chest as I laid comfortably on it. His pecks and arms are really muscular, but not in a crazy body builder sense. They appropriately fit his physique and was pleasant to study while he woke up. Talk about a work of art. Yas. We small talked and cuddled for about an hour or two before eventually getting out of bed. No, I didn’t make him brekafast, because I didn’t really have any food in my house (I know, what a shitty host I am). We kissed each other goodbye and he left to go start his day and went into starting mine, which was fully loaded (starting with lunch, a showing of the black panther, game night, dinner and impromptu concert outing with vday vibe guy and bar hopping with friends).

And now that leaves today. I had another jam packed day full of social events, but I woke up and cancelled them all if for no other reason than peace of mind. I really hate to be a flake like that (because I am usually very loyal and do what I say I’m going to do), but I over committed myself (again) and needed to take a step back. As the weekend approached earlier this week, I realized I had built in very little time to rest and relax and I just wanted a day to meander do things on my own time without any set schedule. I went for a run on one of my favorite trails, took some nature photos, binged some netflix and took a nap. Best day in a long time!

To wrap up, what I essentially thought was going to be a shitty week turned out to be fairly decent and stress free one. I’m starting to feel alive again and back tobetter than my old self. I’m really hoping my positive outlook on a recently ended relationship and my future moving forward will continue. It’s so much easier to go through life this way!