I received a text message out of the blue at the end of last week from a fling. I’m going to refer to him as such, because he was the first guy I, “talked to” post breakup last fall. At the time, I didn’t take the guy or the majority of our interactions seriously, because I was an emotional mess (and I told him this) and he was also quite the emotional mess, also dealing with a breakup–as well as a lot of issues (including a few related to mental heath), but hey, no judgement here. At the time, it was just comforting to have someone to talk to.
We did our thing for about a week and a half (we started talking literal days after the break up), hooked up once, talked a bit more after and then *poof* he was gone.
While slightly confused by his disappearance, I wasn’t entirely shocked or even broken up about it. I never took him seriously enough to even consider the possibility of more. It was rude, but at the same time, we really had no business with one another and I needed to really focus on healing before dealing with anyone, so I did…so imagine my shock when I got that, “hey, stranger.” text.
Sidebar: I really hate texts and emails initiated in this way, because it almost always comes from a place of passive aggressiveness and it’s childish.
I gave it a day before I responded by simply replying, “hey”.
So why did he ghost several months ago?
He went on a tangent about “having issues”, being “scared off” because he thought I was beautiful, being concerned that I wasn’t “over my ex” (and at the time I wasn’t, so that was fair). He claimed to be reaching out to me for “closure”.
Alright, cool story bro .
See, that’s where the conversation SHOULD have ended, but he insisted on knowing if I was “mad” at him or had “thought about him”
No? Wtf? I was so over him and his foolishness that I could barely even remember a lot about him. I was in such an emotionally chaotic state that my entire memory from our brief encounter was virtually nonexistent. He seemed offended when I told him this and decided to “let me know” that he still thought about me and wondered if he still had a chance.
Ha. No he asked this. In all seriousness though, ghosting is a really rude thing to do and had he simply communicated whatever concerns/fears he had I would have respected him, understood and simply moved on…but to descend on my life out of the blue and simply expect us to “pick up” where we left off is selfish. Does he really think I’ve been on “pause” since he disappeared?
Friday night, while getting trashed with some friends while at dinner and Disney trivia (don’t judge, it had been a hellish week and reminiscing about Disney movies while drunk was hilarious), he kept asking if we should, “try again” and that we had some, “real chemistry” and did I remember x,y and z conversation? He kept rambling on about this until I finally admitted to being drunk the majority of our past conversations and that I was currently “seeing someone” and the “situation” was very physical.
Yeah, he wasn’t too happy to hear any of that, to be honest, but I felt it was in my best interest to be transparent, even though he decided to ghost 👻 without any explanation or anything.
He told me he felt “guilty” about it and it weighed “heavily” on him right after he did it. Ok? And?
Truth of the matter is, I don’t see an “us” in the stars. He’s a mess, I’m a (little less of a) mess and I’m a different person than I was when we had our fling. I’m not interested or invested in reviving anything, especially with someone who could just as easily do that again. I especially refuse to commit to someone like that. I’m not even angry at him, I’m just disgusted that he would even think he still deserves space in my life in that capacity. How would he have felt if i did that to him? I’d be all of the “bitches”, “assholes”, “sluts”, “cunts” he could utter. To me, we did our thing, now that’s done and I’ve moved on. I don’t think anything about him, really.
I left our conversation with offering platonic friendship, but that’s it. Am I an asshole for that? Maybe. But this new awakening I’ve had since then says he’s going to create a wave of stress in my life otherwise and I’m good on stress right now.