Ghosting & Foolishness

I received a text message out of the blue at the end of last week from a fling. I’m going to refer to him as such, because he was the first guy I, “talked to” post breakup last fall. At the time, I didn’t take the guy or the majority of our interactions seriously, because I was an emotional mess (and I told him this) and he was also quite the emotional mess, also dealing with a breakup–as well as a lot of issues (including a few related to mental heath), but hey, no judgement here. At the time, it was just comforting to have someone to talk to.

We did our thing for about a week and a half (we started talking literal days after the break up), hooked up once, talked a bit more after and then *poof* he was gone.

While slightly confused by his disappearance, I wasn’t entirely shocked or even broken up about it. I never took him seriously enough to even consider the possibility of more. It was rude, but at the same time, we really had no business with one another and I needed to really focus on healing before dealing with anyone, so I did…so imagine my shock when I got that, “hey, stranger.” text.

Sidebar: I really hate texts and emails initiated in this way, because it almost always comes from a place of passive aggressiveness and it’s childish.

I gave it a day before I responded by simply replying, “hey”.

So why did he ghost several months ago?

He went on a tangent about “having issues”, being “scared off” because he thought I was beautiful, being concerned that I wasn’t “over my ex” (and at the time I wasn’t, so that was fair). He claimed to be reaching out to me for “closure”.

Alright, cool story bro .

See, that’s where the conversation SHOULD have ended, but he insisted on knowing if I was “mad” at him or had “thought about him”

No? Wtf? I was so over him and his foolishness that I could barely even remember a lot about him. I was in such an emotionally chaotic state that my entire memory from our brief encounter was virtually nonexistent. He seemed offended when I told him this and decided to “let me know” that he still thought about me and wondered if he still had a chance.

Ha. No he asked this. In all seriousness though, ghosting is a really rude thing to do and had he simply communicated whatever concerns/fears he had I would have respected him, understood and simply moved on…but to descend on my life out of the blue and simply expect us to “pick up” where we left off is selfish. Does he really think I’ve been on “pause” since he disappeared?

Friday night, while getting trashed with some friends while at dinner and Disney trivia (don’t judge, it had been a hellish week and reminiscing about Disney movies while drunk was hilarious), he kept asking if we should, “try again” and that we had some, “real chemistry” and did I remember x,y and z conversation? He kept rambling on about this until I finally admitted to being drunk the majority of our past conversations and that I was currently “seeing someone” and the “situation” was very physical.

Yeah, he wasn’t too happy to hear any of that, to be honest, but I felt it was in my best interest to be transparent, even though he decided to ghost 👻 without any explanation or anything.

He told me he felt “guilty” about it and it weighed “heavily” on him right after he did it. Ok? And?

Truth of the matter is, I don’t see an “us” in the stars. He’s a mess, I’m a (little less of a) mess and I’m a different person than I was when we had our fling. I’m not interested or invested in reviving anything, especially with someone who could just as easily do that again. I especially refuse to commit to someone like that. I’m not even angry at him, I’m just disgusted that he would even think he still deserves space in my life in that capacity. How would he have felt if i did that to him? I’d be all of the “bitches”, “assholes”, “sluts”, “cunts” he could utter. To me, we did our thing, now that’s done and I’ve moved on. I don’t think anything about him, really.

I left our conversation with offering platonic friendship, but that’s it. Am I an asshole for that? Maybe. But this new awakening I’ve had since then says he’s going to create a wave of stress in my life otherwise and I’m good on stress right now.

Advertisements

Friends, Dates, ???, FWBs, Exes.

I was slammed (socially) this past weekend and I’m still paying for it. I did dinner, trivia and bar hopping Friday with some friends, brunch with my parents, date with the teacher, game night with friends, brewery lounge on Saturday and Sunday I took a day trip to the beach with some friends to check out a street festival.

You’re probably wondering, “why do you do this stupid shit?” and my response would be, “because you only live once and I’m a dumb ass.”

After having quite a stressful week at work, I really wanted to focus on fun with friends, where I felt I could be completely relaxed and at ease. My plan was not to go on any dates, but the teacher seemed fairly persistent, so I finally took him up on the offer. We met at this public garden where we walked around for about an hour before my allergies started to go crazy and we dipped into a brewery right down the road (actually the one we met at on our first date). I really appreciated his planning. He knew I had, had a hellish week and wanted to take me places that would ease my mind. We even did dinner after downing a few beers (and I was good and lit).

The teacher has kind of been a dark horse in all of this. He’s a very kindhearted guy, makes his intentions fairly clear and has no problem showering me with compliments and support, all while giving me “space”. I think he “really” likes me and while I enjoy hanging out with him, I’m not sure if I feel those same romantic feelings towards him and I’m not sure how to handle that. Hes fun to talk to (I guess), but I’m having a hard time forcing myself to dive into the pool of infatuation and I’m not even sure if the urge is going to come. Part of me knows I’m not going to have those feelings (for him) no matter how hard I try, but the other part of me wants to know why that even is…? Am I just not attracted to him? He’s not bad looking necessarily…Maybe he’s not “bad boy” enough.

Anyway, after date time with The Teacher, I met up with friends for game night and brewery lounging before calling it an early night around midnight so I could get up to drive to a friend’s house for our day trip Sunday.

My friend that I was meeting up with recently bought a house about thirty minutes outside of town (in the country). This is the friend that I reference in the flake post. Anyway, since it had been so long since she, my other friend and I had hung out, we decided to take a day trip to the beach (from her place).

We had an interesting conversation on dating, relationships and love in our two hour car ride. We all kind of opened up about past situations and how/what we learned from them. We talked about how difficult it was to date in your 30s and how all of us thought online dating in particular was extremely draining. Over the last few months, I really haven’t opened up much about my “love life” in that way. I mean, I’ve vaguely mentioned that I’ve been regularly seeing someone (because another group of friends want to know why I’m missing events here and there), but I haven’t elaborated on how that situation or any past situations have made me feel. I haven’t talked about my fears or insecurities in dating. Or how sometimes I get tired of having to decode things. For some reason with these two friends, I felt compelled to really open up to them about everything going on. I told them about Babyface and how I was sort of at a crossroads with him because my feelings towards him lately have turned into more of a physical convenience than anything else (he’s adorable, funny and nice, but very little of that phases me these days). I told them about my ex and how damaged I felt right after our breakup and how I had been taking precautions in dating to never end up in that situation again. I even told them about other misc relationships, like with blast from the past and how the current state of our friendship is at times strained due to him cheating on me so many years ago and never directly apologizing about it. Overall, the trip really put a lot of things in perspective for me. We even had a conversation about what dating was to each of us and my one friend decided that he probably wasn’t “doing dating correctly”, because dating should involve effort form BOTH parties, it shouldn’t necessarily be one person pulling all of the weight.

We ended up having a fun day at the beach and on the way back, my friends suggested that I refuse to make any plans with Babyface because they thought he was being extremely lazy in never (fully) planning any of our dates  minus our very first one and half of our last one (though one of them said he might just be “shy” and afraid I might not like all of his suggestions–he is not “shy”). Earlier that weekend, Babyface had mentioned getting together the following weekend (this upcoming weekend), but as usual, never provided any details or thoughts as to what he wanted to do or what day/time he wanted to do said things. Per the suggestion of my friends, I sent him a text message Monday night in response basically saying:

This weekend is fine. I’m going to step back and let you figure it out though. You just tell me the when and the where.

*crickets*

As I took breaks to type up this blog post, he responded, but not really to my statement. He sent more of a “good morning, how are you doing, how was your trip,” text. Can I say that is another form of text messaging etiquette that bothers me? Like, he blatantly ignored what I said. I know he has to have somewhat of a reading comprehension to have made it through college…

Maybe I’m just annoyed with Babyface because I’m PMSing and  craving some back breaking action from him specifically–ha, sort of just kidding…but seriously, I’m tired and I don’t want to plan anything. I think I deserve a break on that. We could do pizza on his/mine couch for all I care…just plan it.

Land of Contentment

Life has been chaotic lately, but in a really good way…the kind of way leaves you smiling from ear to ear, laughing until you get cramps and uh feeling the type of pleasure that rumbles the earth underneath you (YAS GAWD–more on this later).

As I mentioned previously, I’m resuming my place in the land of happiness general contentment again. Sure, certain things have evolved and progressed in my life, but moreless, I also think my most recent episode with depression is subsiding just a bit, especially with the warmer weather and longer daylight hours. I believe with depression, you can use coping mechanisms, regularly medicate, talk it out and still feel this black hole of emptiness, especially if something devastating or traumatic occurs unexpectedly to send your already unsettled emotions into a tailspin. I always find myself at times feeling ashamed on this lingering sadness, but depression is a disease and not something I have the ability to ever fully shut off. I can only control ways to cope with it and remind myself that “it’s ok, I’m human”.

One of the more (I guess) funnier or should I say, “interesting” things I’m entertaining as I absorb this new lease on life is dating. I’ve spoken about this quite a bit up here, but in a nutshell it’s going and I’m having fun all while learning a lot about myself and the guy(s) I’m seeing. Like I’ve learned that I’m more of planner and prefer to have an idea about a date/activity a day or more in advance. Unless I’ve been with someone a while and our lives have become intertwined, it triggers my anxiety for a guy to ask what I’m doing THAT night or even several hours before. Even if I’m free, I find myself needing to be in the right mindset. Luckily though, I haven’t had to entertain this too much because most of the time I am actually already tied up by that point.

I’ve also learned (and reminded myself) to not rely or put a great deal of real estate or committment into anyone until they also step up and make their intentions on those things known as well. Right now, I’m not to that point with anyone. I really just find myself in the phase of just having fun and getting to know people and that’s ok. It’s freeing. I’m not in a rush to hop into a relationship (again), because this last situation almost took ya girl smooth out the game.

I had to remind myself of this at the end of last week when I found myself growing increasingly irritated with Babyface over his shitty text message response time. I’ve come to realize he’s always been a shitty texter, but my annoyance with this came to a head last friday when we were literally finalizing the FINER details of our date like 2-3 hours before. In his defense, we had decided earlier that week to go on a date friday (for dinner) and we’d pick the restaurant and time later on in the week. Cool. Literally six-thirty that evening he’s asking me, “Where do you want to eat?” and being the non-confrontational person that I am, started to say, “It doesn’t matter to me, I’m good with what ever…” but i KNEW by saying that it would easily be a several hour exchange going back and forth with like an hour or so in between responses. I finally put my “big girl” pants on and made an executive decision. 8:30. Thai restaurant in ____ shopping center, see you there. Don’t forget to wear pants.

Driving there I was in kind of a shitty mood over it, but I eventually relaxed once met up and put it all behind me. It’s difficult to be mad at him because he looks so innocent. Ha. After dinner we ventured back to my place (not before swinging by the grocery store to pick up beer–which took him 30 MINUTES to decide on which beer to get before I just grabbed a six pack and told him I was going to pay for it so we could make money moves). He claims to be “indecisive”. Once back at my place he sort of made it up to me by cuddling me close while watching t.v. and uh…really taking care of me intimately in hands down probably one of the more (if not THE) top experiences I’ve had to date. He’s starting to get better at this 👍🏽. Yeah, I couldn’t walk normally for a few days…and I just *might* have pulled a muscle, but it’s all good.

Anyway, as we woke up the next morning, with him cuddling me really close, I realized I didn’t really have a place to be annoyed with him by his shitty texting. That’s apparently just who he is and I doubt calling him out on it will make him change. Plus, he’s talkative enough in person and we’re able to coexist with one another in our moments alone and have active lives outside of our interactions. Not to mention, we’re not a couple and (in my mind) this is still very casual. At the very least he responds and keeps a conversation going, just at a slower pace. Alright, whatever…just means I’m going to proceed with planning my life as I want to and he can fit in where there’s space. This current week, I made it a point to stop being as immediately responsive to his texts. I don’t need to jump to respond to everything he says right away. Gotta let his mind wonder… Ha, two can play that game and I’ve practiced responding when I *feel* like it, which has been upwards to 8 hrs, without an apology. I don’t really owe him an apology or an explanation. I don’t find that to be petty, but fair in this situation and if he has a problem with it…

come at me bro

Aside from that, my social calendar has been jam packed with colorful social engagements and I love it. It’s forced me out of my comfort zone (I’m an introvert) and has allowed me to see new places, try new things and continue to bond with friends (old and new). I wouldn’t have it any other way, tbh. I guess I became so cut off socially from the rest of the world in my last relationship, that I’m trying to do everything in my power to keep that from happening again, because it’s not really healthy.

Anywho, I have chicken to make and ass to shake. Looking forward to having a grand time this weekend with all of the random things going on.

Oh and just for the culture, this will never stop being funny. Happy St. Patrick’s Day:

Txt Msgs.

Ok guys. I’ve hate that I even feel the need to rant/vent about this, but it’s driving me crazy and I need to essentially unload a bit….so blogging I will do!

Have you ever noticed how differently people approach text messaging, especially in the realms of specific kind of relationships and even in the different stages of these relationships and how you approach text messaging in various situations influences how you think someone else should approach text messaging too? It’s funny really, but definitely something (depending upon the importance placed on it) that can potentially derail or enhance your “connection” with someone.

So sure. We have all of these rules about face to face communication, how you’re supposed to make eye contact, appear “engaged”, appropriately respond just as much as you contribute in a conversation and use tact, right? And I guess there are some phone etiquette rules, but I don’t care enough to look those up since I rarely even talk on the phone these days. Text messaging to me is still this weird gray area that is tricky to address, because who’s to say what’s right or wrong?

In text messaging, I like to consider myself “responsive” with most friends, family and “others”. I’m able to keep a conversation going and it doesn’t phase me to end the conversation to actively live life or even not be in text message conversations on a daily basis. I use text messaging as a means to catch up, check in, plan, and at times, to get to know people.

I’m rambling on about all of this to say THIS: It is literally driving me crazy texting with babyface. I’ve never labeled him as one of those people that gets engrossed in all day long in mindless text babble, but it’s hugely annoying sometimes the frequency at which he texts. Which is crazy, because his responses are appropriately matched with mine, but his response rate is almost inappropriately slow and disproportionate.

At first, I took this to mean that he was not interested (and I was borderline myself at this point), but like clockwork, he still continues to text me every. single. day. EVERY DAY. with like 2-5 hour time gaps between each message. Again, if these were one worded answers (which alludes to a one sided conversation), I would again think he’s not interested, but he’s usually the one keeping the conversation going believe it or not. Even if I’m lazy and just respond to something he’s asked, he’ll respond to what I said and ask something else. He tells me good morning (occasionally good night if he doesn’t pass out beforehand), asks about my day, follows up on things that I’ve told him (will ask if a co-worker or a project that stressed me out earlier in the week has gotten better), will empathize when I’ve had a bad day, will help solve a problem I’m having (I had serious issues with my truck last week and he gave me advice) etc.  It’s like he’s engaged, but somewhat slowly. And yet, through all of this continues to want to see me and almost always tells me “any day” I want to get together will be “open” (for me).

When we’re together, we have a lot fun. There’s chemistry among other things there. He makes me laugh, we’re attracted to one another and share interests, but I have also noticed that he’s not particularly tied to his phone. I mean, he has it on him and will occasionally use it to look something up if we’re opting to move our dates (used it to buy our movie tickets a few weeks ago before the phone died) to other locations in order to continue them, but that’s it. I mean, that’s great. I think it’s rude when people goof around on their phones while out with someone. He barely references it and even mentioned not really responding to friends of his who had group messaged him one night while we were having dinner. When he stays over my place, he never charges his phone. Ever, but also doesn’t “hide” it or leave it faced down. It usually falls out of his pocket in the midst of…ahem…things we’re doing and he’ll leave it there. He’ll notice it being almost dead and doesn’t ask of I have a charger (because I don’t, he has an android and I have an iphone). I’m not sure if he even brings a charger OVER. I don’t even know if he has one in his truck! He just seems really unbothered in general.

Maybe I’m being an asshole about this, but it’s kind of annoying when someone appears to want to actively talk to you by asking you detailed questions and then taking hours to reply back. I get work (I’m busy at work as well), but after hours, especially when you say you’re lounging around or whatever, is weird to me. Sure, we all fall asleep, have our phones die, etc.  It really makes me not want to continue to text him because it makes me anxious. And sure, if he’s also dating other people I get it. I’m actively dating several other guys, but I’m as responsive as I can be to all of them. I also don’t talk to the others everyday like I do with him (he’s who I am primarily dating), but when we do talk, they’re appropriately responsive.

I’ve even compared this with past guys I’ve dated or been in relationships with. I’ve been all over the spectrum. I have an ex that took DAYS to respond (and then would respond with a one word-one sentence response) and would only be responsive if you CALLED him and my most recent ex was unnaturally responsive 24/7 and would reply in these lonnngggg paragraphs. His text messages (especially early on) would so fucking long and ask all of these questions and include all of this information. While sweet, it used to make my head hurt sometimes and would take more an hour to respond just because I had to comprehend the entire message first and make sure I was appropriately addressing everything he said in the text. Even now though his texts can be semi long, but even still he’s still pretty damn responsive.

Perhaps he’s just not a “phone” person in general. Which might be a good thing. But c’mon dude.

slow texting

Ugggghhh it’s super annoying.

Anyway, we have a date for Friday. I doubt I’ll mention any of this to him because I’m not sure if it’s worth mentioning. It’s not my place to really. Perhaps I’ll just be more limited and less frequent with my responses to his already slow responses. I don’t need to jump to be responsive to someone who probably won’t even respond back for another 3+ hours.

I just looked at my phone and he responded to a text I sent around 8 last night (in response to a text he sent me around 7 p.m. asking me to tell him about my day) around 9 this morning…I may hear from him again around lunch, but most likely not until after 4 or 5 (I’m queuing this one, but I wrote this mid-morning).

Happy F***ing Birthday

Thirty-two, day two. First off, I’d like to apologize, for I was being a mega bitch yesterday. it was three parts PMS, shitty weather and somehow feeling like I needed to be validated on my birthday. My anxiety “hit the quan” yesterday. I was in the pits of emotional hell and I’m happy to report that while I feel like death warmed over (yesterday was a chaotic and crazy day), I feel much better.

The validation ramble had little to do with friends and family. I was overloaded with love yesterday by everyone and I feel blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I allowed one person to completely send me into a tailspin and that ladies and gents was….drumroll….my ex.

surprise

All joking aside though, that was concerning. Why do I need him to wish me a happy birthday? Why was that important to me when I’m moving on (and have moved on mentally, physically and mostly emotionally). We’re on good terms and I’m very happy for him and his endeavors, but for some reason it really bothered me that he never wished me a happy birthday, when I know he knows when it is. In fact, not even a week into really “dating” him he was able to tell me what day it was, rather or not I was born on a “leap year” (I wasn’t), my exact age, what my zodiac sign was, what my chinese zodiac animal was, my birthday month “personality” and so on, what my time of birth meant. I remember he was so proud of himself for rambling off this information while cooking one evening. Hell, I don’t even know some of that stuff. I’m good to know my zodiac sign and that’s it. Impressive or perhaps he really stalked the shit out of me (we were fb friends by this point) and did his googles? Actually, that’s kind of creepy now that I’m reading that back…

But how hard is it to wish someone a happy birthday really? Takes two seconds and you’ve probably put a smile on their face. Hell, facebook TELLS YOU when it’s someone’s birthday. I try to wish everyone in my life a happy birthday. I personally try to do it through phone or text because I think facebook is impersonal, but the sentiment is still all the same. I even wished an ex before him a happy birthday (his was the week before mine) and he did the same. Took two seconds, he thanked me and we moved on. Another ex of mine even CALLED me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday we were able to have a casual conversation (about cars) and move on. Zero emotion. Bam.

Part of me thinks he intentionally didn’t wish me a happy birthday, perhaps to keep things clean (since he’s an “ex” and I think he knows he really hurt me) and to ensure that his “presence” didn’t derail my day. Plus, by doing so, we’d feel obligated to small talk (even though he usually initiates the small talking whenever we do communicate now, but whatevs *kanye shrug*). Or maybe chucked it out of his mind altogether. It’s cool. I don’t need his validation, bih (yes, this is a word Urban dictionary it). I still managed to have a mildly decent day regardless and I still sincerely wish him all the best. He’s still a great person.

It’s funny how even though we as humans possess all of this strength and resilience, we still have moments like this that make us feel so small and insignificant.

small

I think for me personally it has less to do with my ex specifically (like him as a person) and more to do with the fact that we were’t just acquaintances, we were in a whole ass relationship. This person was once a very integral part of my life as was I in his and although this didn’t last forever, we connected on a deep enough level that I think he would be kind enough to AT LEAST consider the well wishes. He’s always preached this gospel about “being nice to everyone” and “putting kindness out into world,” because “when you’re kind/nice to people, you get the same in return”. Simply acknowledging someone’s day of birth is a KIND thing to do even if you weren’t intimate with them (shit, especially if you WERE).

Wishing someone a “happy birthday”, doesn’t mean you want to hook-up with them, get back together with them or any other twisted manipulate, self-righteous motive. It simply means , “hey, I’m glad that you’re alive, have an awesome day!”.

Update : I was just hit with the, “I logged onto facebook this morning and facebook said yesterday was your birthday….so sorry, distracted by the house hunt…Happy Birthday…well, happy belated birthday!”

Girl, I guess….

Ba1Ydvu.gif

He knew goodness goddamn well yesterday was my birthday without the aid the book of face.

Anyway, enough about that yik yak. I’m dizzy and crampy, but I have a fun night planned with a bus load of friends to kick off this birthday weekend and combined birthday plans with my fellow piscean in “crime” and bedsheets, babyface.

Toodles.

Seal it with a Dozen Texts

This morning, I received an angry text from a guy I went on two date with (never wrote about him), before kindly telling him that I thought he was nice, but that I didn’t feel any chemistry with him. He has literally spent all week trying to manipulate me into “going out with him” anyway, even though I continue to decline.

He went on a this rant about how I never make time for him and how I should “tell my friends” that I have better priorities than them or some such nonsense and I guess because I didn’t respond five minutes after he sent that,  he took that as me giving him the “silent treatment” and then followed up with 10-12 additional “double texts” as I continued my drive in to work. My phone seemed to be dinging every other minute. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?!

This aggravated the pure T fuck out of me.

First of all, I’ve explicitly told this guy that I didn’t think we had a lot of chemistry and that I didn’t think we should proceed any further, but yet all week he’s been trying to manipulate and guilt trip me into “going out” with him anyway, to which I’ve declined to and told him it’s my birthday week and I have things going on everyday this week. I don’t personally think I even need to explain any of that to him in the first place! I guess that touched a nerve. Second of all, I HATE when people send multiple text messages back to back to back to back like that without giving you an appropriate amount of time to even process what they said and to respond. That’s borderline insanity and super obnoxious. If you’re sending novel length text messages (particular if you’re being emotionally irrational), allow the person you’ve sent it to, to process it. Even if I did halfway want to consider seeing him again (which I especially don’t now), he’s making me want to be extremely mean to him. I always try to be as nice as I can in these situations, but I’m not in the mood today to deal with anyone’s bullshit, especially not his. When I finally made it to work, I told him that I got all dozen of his fucking text messages (I said this verbatim) and asked him to stop sending me texts because I was DRIVING that I would respond when I settled into work. I eventually sent him a message reiterating the fact that I needed to decline his offer to “go out” and made it clear that this was in indefinite decline. I tried to lace it up with, “you’re a nice guy, you deserve x, y and z, best of luck to you…” but I feel like it came off really insincere because he pissed me off and I’m already in a shitty mood today.

Text w/ The Ex

So when I last wrote, I was scrambling to plan a “home cooked taco dinner” for baby face for when he dropped by my place Saturday for our date. I’m not sure what prompted me to cook for him other than the fact that he’s dropped some serious coins on our dates and I feel guilty. Granted, he’s willingly done this and hasn’t been like one of those guys who looks at me like, “you owe me”. He’s admittedly very southern (born and raised) and maybe that’s just normal to him. I guess I just wanted to be nice and look like I’m trying to make an effort not to be appear to be a mooch or take advantage in any way, even though I’m lazy and hate cooking elaborate things.

Anyway, as I was thinking about the tacos I was going to make and everything I needed from the store when I got off of work, I got a text from my ex. I had to take a double take at my phone at first, because while we aren’t NOT speaking to one another, we haven’t been in consistent communication since the holidays–and at least on my end that’s been fairly intentional. Well, I take that back, we spoke that day he was tailgating me on the way to work, which was a month and a half ago. It was also weird to see a message from him (still have him on mute, so I didn’t actually notice it at first) because I had been thinking about the amazing tacos he used to make and just how I was going to mimic them for Saturday’s dinner/date. It’s like he felt those vibes of me trying to steal his shit.

“Hey there. How are you?” His text read. That’s such a loaded question, ha….but unlike the last time he asked me this question, I could honestly answer that I was doing really well and MEAN IT.

We actively texted back and forth over the course of an hour or so. He told me he had gotten approved for a mortgage loan and was seriously looking to buy a house as soon as he got an offer accepted. He had decided that he wanted to buy a house in need of renovations on the edge of downtown in an up and coming trendy area that’s slowly being gentrified. When he shared the good news with me, I couldn’t help but to be overcome with joy for him. The news genuinely gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside and made my afternoon. I’m so very proud of him because I know this is something he’s wanted to do for a year or more and he’s finally there. All of those long nights and weekends of OT to save up for it paid off.

As we continued to catch up, I couldn’t help but to notice how far I have come over the past few months. I was able to speak to him and feel no emotion or bitterness, just genuine happiness as if I was talking to an old friend.  I am over the moon happy for him. So, so proud.

overcome with happiness.gif

The fact that I’ve gotten to the point where I can celebrate in his successes without hate in my heart is HUGE for me. It’s not that I’ve ever “hated” him during the past few months, but there were days where I wasn’t his biggest fan because I was hurt and being emotionally irrational (rightfully so though. I am human). Ha. Particularly when I was CAPS LOCK mad at him back in December (but in my defense I was PMsing and he did drop several bombs on me in that conversation which added fuel to the fire).

Anyway, before our conversation wrapped up, I did cop that taco recipe from him, which he gladly shared, even though I left the details of “why” I was making tacos pretty vague (just said I had an “event” – which isn’t really a lie—an event of getting my back bent and fractured –  lol).

yasssss gif

Even though I’ve gotten to a point where I’m in a better place with how things ended between us, I still don’t care to share details of my love life with him. That’s no longer his business just as I don’t really care to know about his either. So as long as he’s happy with that area of his life, I’ll be happy for him there too.

Welp. The tacos ended up being a big hit, but I’ll save that for another post 😉 .