Writer’s Block of my Thoughts?

Is it possible to have writer’s block in regards to writing about the true events of your actual life? Because I can’t even sit still long enough to compose a summary of everything currently going on. It’s making my head spinnnnnnn. Or maybe…just maybe…

Lazy Person (1)



I’ve mentioned up here a few times about how I’ve met all over this wonderful people post breakup (back in November). Sure, some of the people I met through other friends or through random circumstances, but I’ve met a great deal of them through Meetup.

Now, I’m not going to get up here and plug Meetup (because they are not paying me to do so), but it’s been a great tool to flesh out my social circle a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I love and adore all of my friends equally, but there are certain hobbies I like to do or places I want to go/things I want to experience that may not appeal to all of them and that’s fine. Plus, once you kind of get out of college, making NEW friends outside of your social circle and work environment can be a little more challenging.

Meetup is just like its name says…it’s a “meet up”. You use the site to join “meetups” (groups) and RSVP to “events” that group is putting on. All of the “meetups” have “hosts” (some have one host others have several) that organize and post the events to members. Some have “meetups” weekly and others more sporadically or in more of an ad-hoc sense. Pretty much every group’s purpose is to help its members to branch out and meet new like minded folks. It’s great for people who have recently moved to town or just for people who may be a little shy or even newly single (hey, that’s me). Shortly after the break up, I was feeling really down in the dumps and really lonely (I don’t want to link to this because the post was extra sad). I probably spent at least two weeks just going to work and sleeping. I also wasn’t eating and was just barely getting through work each day. I was on autopilot. It didn’t help that during this time, I was for whatever goofy reason still seeing my ex (for lunch, coffee, etc), which was a bad idea because he also looked like death warmed over. It just made everything hurt that much more because we were both sad and it enhanced my sadness to see him like that. Yeah, I did a lot of sleeping and can’t remember a good chunk of that time period. I was not in a good place emotionally. Anyway, after having a bit of an emotional spaz fest around Thanksgiving, I decided I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back to living my life, but that I needed to live my life a bit differently and maybe try and do things I hadn’t done before to keep my mind off of being sad. I figured, what better way to do that than to pick up a new hobby or two and the rest is history.

I now have an additional social circle of friends that I regularly spend time with even outside of our regular meetups. We usually do a few things outside of meetup weekly and lately over each other’s places. It’s been so much fun getting to know them. They really helped me get through a dark period a few months ago and even more of a bonus, many of them had also just gone through breakups, so we were all kind of healing and leaning on one another to get better. It’s been great.

Aside from all of the positives that have come from meetup, like meeting new people that have become great friends, brushing up on various hobbies of mine, venturing out to new places in the area that I’ve never been to and getting a different perspective on life in general, it has also come with some negative aspects. One of which being the amount of men two stepping into my message box (yes, there is a messaging feature in meetup. Think of it like email).

Typically, the message function is supposed to be used by organizers to communicate with group members about events, but sometimes can also be used to communicate with members in your group…but for whatever reason lately, I’ve been inundated with messages from guys hitting on me, asking for my number, flatout asking me out on dates— sir, WTF?!

First of all, yes meetup could be used as a tool to date and or meet your next S.O., especially if you join a meetup geared towards that (like speed dating, singles groups/outings, etc), but cold messaging somebody out the fucking blue that you don’t even know or have never even seen in person is a little bold for my taste. It’s also bold to assume that person is not already in a relationship or at the very least actively dating. I could be an asshole and print screen these messages up here, but I don’t think that’s necessary. It’s just annoying. I don’t even have a racy photo on meetup. I’m literally in a sweater and jeans and my hair is frizzy. I think I took the photo in my bathroom. I personally think I look like a bum.

I will summarize two message exchanges I’ve had up there within the past month:

  1. One guy messaged me because we were in the same meetup group (not one I’m active in) and then further into the conversation asked if any of the groups I was a member of indicated if I was single. He then proceeded to ask me if I was “into older men”…Gross. No, dude.
  2. Another guy (just earlier this week) sent me some long message asking if I had seen black panther (which I have). Then further along his lengthy message asked me out on a date to go see the movie and wanted to know if I wanted to do dinner after, “my choice”. NO. WTH.
  3. Another guy after asking me about a meetup asked me to send him more photos of me and drop my digits. SO FULL OF NOPE.

Obviously, the meetups that I share with these guys (if any at all) are not ones I’m even active in or are meetups that are dormant and I’ve just been too lazy to remove them from my profile.

But jazzedout, you’ll date someone online, what makes this any different?


What makes this different is that I’m actively choosing to use online dating as one of MANY tools to date.  I am not actively choosing to be borderline harassed on a social website. Meetup is not specifically meant for online dating (exclusively anyway–it is not a dating website) nor is my entire reason for using it meant for dating. If you just so happen to date someone you meet through meetup, great, but cold messaging people is a bit creepy. Secondly, if I am online dating and I decide to meet that person IRL, we’ve usually spoken quite a bit and feel comfortable enough with one another before even moving to that stage. I’ve never been one to be like, “hey, this guy I know NOTHING about just asked me to see this movie tonight in his first message, off I go”.


No sir. You ever seen a lifetime movie or 1,000 ways to die? Won’t be me. Bet.

Anyway, aside from the creepy men dropping in my messages (I’m usually nice and respond by politely declining, but I think I’ll just start ignoring or blocking all together), it’s been a pretty cool tool to use in expanding my social circles. I definitely recommend it….just maybe shut your messaging feature off (I believe you also get communications from your organizers in your email too), so you probably don’t technically need that feature turned on.

3 Dates, 2 Guys, 1 Girl.

I think I’m approaching dating all wrong.

As I mentioned last week (in kind of a silly post), I had a few dates this past weekend. I actually ended up having three, but with two guys (two dates with one of the guys if you’re keeping up with the math here).

Friday, I met up with guy #1 for some Hawaiian cuisine, which I also talk about here. This guy is the one who practically left the planning of our date completely up to me. He barely even selected the day, just mentioned he wanted to “get together” and said to tell him what “I” wanted to do. This was mildly annoying, but I reluctantly “planned” the date anyway.

Things started somewhat awkwardly, but mostly because he gave off these super nervous and socially awkward vibes at first. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me and wouldn’t take off his beanie or coat. As we ordered our food, he barely said a complete sentence to me and I thought to myself, “oh boy”. He eventually snapped out of it and we were able to have a steady conversation. He was mildly funny and seemed to be genuinely nice. After dinner, we grabbed dessert at a coffee shop not too far away for these doughnuts he’d been raving about. Our conversation continued to go well and he asked if I wanted to join him for brunch on Sunday before he went out of town for the week. He seemed nice, so I agreed and the night ended. We awkwardly hugged and went our separate ways.

Saturday, I met up with guy #2 for a museum and dinner date. While this guy took a little more initiative to “plan” the date, he sort of left it up to me to fill in the finer details (what museum we were going to go to and what restaurant dinner wise). At first I was kind of annoyed by that, but it wasn’t so bad…at least I had something to go off of. I opted for the history museum since I had just gone to the science museum (next door) several months prior with my ex (didn’t want those memories), and a local “fancy” pizza place walking distance from the museum.

Our date started late because neither one of us could find parking or each other in the lobby of the museum. After we found one another, we started to walk around the different exhibit halls. As we looked at different exhibits, he provided hilarious commentary about everything we were looking at. It helped ease any butterflies either one of us had and made for a good time. We were so late starting that portion of the date that an hour and a half into it the museum closed and they kicked us out (they basically shut all of the lights out and we couldn’t see the exits)!

We strolled over to our dinner spot (a “fancy” wood fire pizza place that had just opened). It was early in the evening and the dinner crowd hadn’t arrived yet, so we were seated fairly quickly. The waiter already knew we were on a date just by our mannerisms and made sure to take extra care of us and not to interrupt too many of our conversations. We talked about everything, but mostly college, our jobs, our families, hobbies and so on. The conversation was fairly steady and effortless. He seemed nice, but a little silly.

After dinner, we walked a block or two back to our cars to end the night. It was going on about 8 o’clock now and I wanted to go meet some friends a few streets over for the tail end of game night (something we’ve been meeting up for every other week for the past few months). Out of respect, I did not tell my date this, but was lowkey excited that I still had time to kill two birds with one stone…that was until we got to my car. I reached out to hug him and thank him for a lovely afternoon/evening and he hugged me back, but then went in for a kiss. No, not just a peck on the lips…no… full out make-out session. This went on for at least ten or maybe fifteen minutes and I was cold and tired of standing outside. In coming up for air every other minute or so, I would look for instances of escape, but somehow not move quick enough TO escape. I giggled bashfully, but was really like, “dude, wtf”. Even hinting around to being cold and getting ready to head out didn’t fix anything. Our lips were not only locked, he had a tight bear hug grip on me too.

Don’t get me wrong…I didn’t mind kissing him (he wasn’t a bad kisser) and he wasn’t FORCING me to kiss him, it was just a bit much and a tad bit on the aggressive side. Like dude, this is date #1, chill.

I eventually “broke free” and he asked if I was interested in going on another date with him (actually in his words, “do I deserve a second date”?).

Which sidebar, stop asking these things. It’d be kind of awkward if the person was like, “nope”. Like, I think  you’ll get a vibe if a second date is in the clouds…and let date #1 kind of settle before moving on to #2.

We vaguely discussed doing dinner closer out by his place and left it at that. After parting ways, I met up with my friends for the tail end of game night and bar hopping. We ended up ending the evening over a bond fire with some cocktails. I probably overdid it on the drinks.

On Sunday, I woke up to persistent rain and didn’t feel like getting out of the bed to do anything, let alone meet up with guy #1 for brunch. I reluctantly got up and got dressed and met up with him as I promised I would.

Date #2 with him was a little more awkward than date #1 if that’s even possible. He seemed a tad bit (more) nervous and at times distracted or “in the clouds”. He was also slightly agitated that there was a wait to be seated (like a ten minute wait—but it was Sunday brunch, that’s common). I tried to hide the fact that I was in a bad mood (due to exhaustion) and pretended to mostly be engaged in the date…which seemed to last for hours… and hours…but I think only really lasted maybe two hours. Luckily, the date ended because the restaurant was closing early due to the superbowl. I saw an opportunity to say my goodbyes and move on with my day and mentioned needing to head to the grocery store next door to pick up some items for a superbowl gathering I was going to later. I expected guy#1 to take the hint and realize that our date was over and it was time to part ways, but instead, he invited himself ALONG to go shopping with me, because he didn’t have to be anywhere for the next hour.





This floored me, but I kept my composure. I no longer wanted to force interaction with him. I was at my max of social interaction for the weekend. My “fake it” was running on “E” by this point and I really just wanted to be alone. I couldn’t concentrate on what I needed to get with him being there in my personal space. I finally just gave up and told him I would probably just order pizza and bring that to the gathering (which I did actually end up doing).

I knew our goodbye was going to have to be abbreviated since it was raining pretty hard and I was going to have to make a run for it to my car, but before I darted off he awkwardly stood there as if he wanted to kiss me, but wanted to wait for me to move in closer to him. I did not and instead just gave him a long distance hug. Overall, date #2 annoyed me, but mostly because it felt forced (since he was going to be out of town the next week) and I wasn’t in the right head space to entertain it.

Overall, here is my assessment:

Guy#1: I liked him as person. He seems genuinely kind, hardworking and loyal. I feel like he would treat the person he dates really well, but I’m not sure if that person should be me, because I didn’t feel any sparks or chemistry there. I didn’t leave either date overly excited or starry eyed. I felt that our interactions (at times) dragged a bit longer than they needed to. After date #2, he sent me a text going on about how he wondered if we should have “kissed” and did I “feel” that “urge” too.

I did not. I felt zero urge to kiss him.

We’ve texted back and forth since, but I’ve mostly just kept my responses kind of to the point. Oh! He also went on this tangent at brunch about how he hungout with his ex the night before because the guy she left him for just broke up with her…what?


The good thing is, with him being gone this week, it gives me a chance to think through whether or not I want to proceed any further with him. I’d hate to be mean and cut things off, but I also don’t want to string him along either.

Guy #2: I also liked him as a person—even though, sidebar, he rubbed me the wrong way earlier last week via text when he made a racist joke (not a joke about MY race, but still). Aside from that, he semi redeemed himself by being a little bit more decent in person. He looked nice for our date and was good company. He made me laugh and I genuinely enjoyed our time together. I never felt like time was dragging while we were out. He’s also very tall, smelled nice and was fairly cute.

Will this continue though? I don’t think so. While I had fun with him and enjoyed his company, I also don’t know if we have enough chemistry to regularly date. He seems like he would be fun on occasion to go to a sports bar or maybe see a game, but I’m not sure how “serious” he would take dating and I don’t want to date a clown or someone who doesn’t know when to be serious (when it’s time to be serious). I mean, just the fact that he somehow thought aggressively making out with me was mutually desired is a little weird. Did I give off that vibe? Also, we live in separate cities (though I work and spend a great deal of time in the city he lives in), so that makes it somewhat difficult to regularly get together, I guess and I’ve dealt with that before and it gets old.

While we’ve sort of “loosely” planned something for Saturday (I think he wants to do a “pub crawl” and asked which places I wanted to “explore”), I don’t see it happening. Besides, that’s not really a date? That’s something I do with my friends when we’re blowing off steam. What happens if one or both of us gets too drunk to drive home??? Especially me, since I’d have a half hour drive ahead of me. We’ve still been in touch via text, but at a much slower rate…more of a just texting out of obligation vibe. This could be for many reasons, but for me (as of yesterday), this is due to the loss of excitement….and maybe leading into more loss of interest.

There have been some other guys (like three) that have asked me on dates, but I’ve sort of stalled with all them. I’m not really sure if I want to date anyone right now. I thought I did or that I’d approach this a little differently (or with a more optimistic attitude). On one end, I feel like I’m being super anal and on the other end I feel like I’m being overly lax about what I truly want, which is why I’m having the issues with Guy #1 and Guy #2 happen.

Valentine’s day coming up next week doesn’t help matters either. I’m trying not to be that person that wants to be with someone to say I’m with them on V-day, but it’s hard, especially when I know that day is going to suck *EXTRA* hard this year….and I have to work late that night. Shoot me in the eye.

“Fight Club”

Within the last month or so, I’ve slightly entertained dating again. I’m in a good place now and I feel like I’m realistically ready to venture back in. I’ve kept a pretty open mind about it and have made sure to meet people (guys) in a variety of ways (in person, through friends, over shared hobbies, online, etc). I’ve also made it a point to not seriously devote more than a fourth of my life to “actively seek” love or companionship, because I don’t “need it”. I’m happy enough with myself that I’m ok with being by myself. Those things are nice (when they’re meaningful and have substance), but I’ve learned that having someone in your life should only enhance your happiness, not exclusively bring happiness into your life. I also haven’t been super serious about committing to any one guy, because I don’t need to right now. I’m not interested in hopping right back into a relationship. I’m good on that.  I’m ok with being single, doing my own thing and spending time with friends. As I mentioned some time back, dating helps you identify if someone is a good match for you. It’s silly to dive head first into the first person that has a shared interest with you.

Ok, enough of the reflection introduction…

As I mentioned, I’m entertaining multiple avenues of meeting guys. Of course, one of the avenues is online dating. Ha. It seems so taboo to me (even in 2018), but everyone is busy and it’s just another means to put yourself out there. While I’ve spoken to a few guys up there, I haven’t taken it extremely seriously just yet (more on this in a future post)…So imagine my shock when I get a message last night from a guy I know IRL.

So here’s the thing, I’ve seen several guys online that I know IRL (mostly as acquaintances), but my rule of thumb is to not interact with them online. Hell, I even saw a mild crush of mine online, but it’s pointless to communicate there. I mean, if we know each other IRL, and there isn’t enough spark to entertain dating or “getting to know one another”, why interact online? It seems counterproductive, ha.


fight club


So of course, you can imagine my shock when I login and read the message from a guy I already know.

Hey–how are you doing? Do you remember me? We went to college together and worked together, ha. Small world. How are you doing??

At first, I wasn’t quite sure how to even respond to this because it was awkward. Eventually I wrote back to let him know I was fine and hoped he was doing well too. I didn’t ask any questions as to intentionally dead end the conversation.  I’m not sure what his point in messaging me was, to be honest. Perhaps he was on a Walter Mitty mission?

walter mitty

I’m not going to explain each specific detail, but in a nutshell, Walter discovers his crush has a somewhat active dating profile and wants to date her before someone else does. He realizes in reading her profile, that she’s looking for someone full of adventure and realizes he hasn’t done a lot of adventurous things in his life…so he sets out to change that and goes on a weird self discovery quest of sorts. It’s a cute movie.

Anyway, hopefully that’s the end of our interaction really. I wasn’t his biggest fan when we worked together (and went to college together), so unless he’s done a 180, I’m not interested in entertaining anything with him IRL.

We’ll see.

Jaded & Empathic

Well, it’s another sunny day in my world—being most sarcastic of course, but it was a mildly interesting day to say the least. We got pizza at work and I ended up explaining my ex’s vasectomy to my mom (don’t ask).

Today, I received a peculiar response from a guy that I had been messaging on an app. He seemed “shocked” that “someone like me” would have been interested enough to respond to him *clutch to pearls and stop the press right now*. He eagerly wanted to know why I responded.

Like…is that earth shattering? I mean, up until now you seemed normal?

I told him in reading his profile he seemed nice and down to earth. He asked me if that was rare, to which I replied, “yes, a lot of guys up here seem to be really jaded and bitter.” Well, I must have touched a sore spot because he sent me a novel in response. I’m not even going to write everything he said because it was stupid. I’ll just summarize:

He basically said a lot of guys have been hurt really bad by women and they were tired and didn’t believe in love anymore. They were so hurt in fact, that they just couldn’t take it anymore and I should feel empathy for them…because poor them. He also went on a tangent about how he knows guys are “sleazy” and he *tries* to take that into consideration with women and tries to make up for the “sleazy” guys they’ve dealt with.


Y’all exhaust the fuck out of me, I swear. I had to read his message back twice.

In the grand scheme of things, I understood what he meant, but it still didn’t explain or excuse these same hurt men referring to all women as, “spineless, backstabbing bitches”, which I explained to him. He back pedaled a bit, but still advised me to understand, assuring me that HE was not one of these guys.

Omg, go away.

He concluded his soapbox speech asking me how I was doing and how work was going for me today. Well, deputy dog, I’m doing just dandy now that you mansplained who and what i should feel empathy for.

Moral of the story, if you ever read or see a guy in extreme distress calling all women, “spineless, backstabbing bitches”, open up your heart and empathize with him. He’s had a hard life.



Brake Check.


rear view

I was driving to work a few hours ago after two glorious snow days at home (we got over a foot of snow in parts). My job was on a two-hour delay this morning, so I left a little later than my normal crack of dawn departure.

I was just minding my business when I noticed a car tailgating me. I was going about the speed limit (usually I go, at least bout 80″) and wasn’t in the left lane, so I wasn’t sure why this car didn’t just pass me (we were on a five lane highway with little to no traffic).

Anyway, after a few minutes of this and some passive aggressive brake checks, I merged over into another lane so that the person could pass me and that’s when I saw it. The car passing me wasn’t just any car, no, no, no…it was my Ex’s car. Of all of the one million people in the surrounding area to interact with on the highway, I would be just in the right place (or maybe wrong place?) to run into my ex (and almost literally).

Without getting into specifics, his car stands out pretty well and having spent a great deal of time with him in that car, I just knew it was his and it flew by me going about 90 mph before getting off of an exit. I’ll admit I was a bit stunned, but I guess not entirely, since he normally goes to work about the time he was riding up on my ass and we were around the area of town that he works in and we DO take the same route to work since we both work in the same city (different from the one we live in). Low and behold, it was indeed him:

brake check

We small talked for about an hour about the snow and work before the conversation died and we both lied about having to get back to work. So just like that, I killed my promise of not communicating with him in 2018….a smooth 19 days into the new year. Smh.

The one good thing about this encounter is that it didn’t trigger any warm and fuzzy feelings. After getting over being mildly annoyed by his driving, I didn’t really feel anything talking to him nor did I  *care* that much to know how he was doing. I mean, it’s great that he’s alive, but outside of that, I don’t care about the specifics.  It was nice that we small talked (I guess), but I don’t think it adds to the peace in my life right now as I said at the start of this new year.

Ok, we’re back to “days without communicating with ex”, 0…

If I ever catch him in traffic tailgating me again, I will aggressively brake check him so he rear ends me and has to buy me a new car. Ha, I’m kidding…sort of…

You Remind Me of My Ex

So as I mentioned in my last post, I’m sort of stating to consider the idea of dating again. In the famous words of my ex, “I reallllllyyyy don’t like dating”, and my famous response, “well, no one does, but it’s a necessary evil…”Anyway, I had a date of sorts this past weekend. Well, I wouldn’t really consider it a date, but I think the guy inviting me out (for coffee) did, so I just went along with it. We met the weekend before and briefly chatted before exchanging numbers. I figured, “why not? He seems decent enough”.

(by the way, I do not like or endorse DT at all)

Originally, our “coffee meeting” was set for Saturday. I planned my busy day around this meeting and sandwiched it in between two other engagements. An hour and a half before said meeting, I get a text from him asking if we could postpone until the following day because he forgot that he had a, “conflict”. While I thought it was a little weird since I completely let HIM plan this (since he asked me out) by picking the place, the day and the time…I’m flexible and understanding enough, so I agreed to push it back.

Sunday, we finally meet up in this busy coffee shop right across the street from the university here, so of course it was ridiculously crowded and there were absolutely no seats available inside. After grabbing coffee (he paid), he suggested we sit outside. MIND YOU, it was MAYBE 19 or 20 degrees by this point in the afternoon, with a wind chill of maybe 7 or 8.

I went along with it anyway and we sat down to chat. All through our conversation, I couldn’t help but to notice that he seemed somewhat nervous. At first he wouldn’t say much, but eventually warmed up and elaborated on his responses. He kept asking me really broad questions like, “so tell me more about yourself” — which sidebar rant: I HATE when people ask me this question. This is a terrible question to ask. It’s too abstract. Drilling down to ask more focused questions like, “what do you do” or “what are some of your hobbies” invoke more of a solid, meaningful and intelligent response, in my opinion. Besides, if you asked someone out, you are obviously interested in SOMETHING about them, so go with that?

Anyway, since I’m not a super narcissistic person, I decided to break it down into segments, “so, this is what I do for a career…” and we’d chat about our jobs and laugh about how crazy they were at times. I’d then say, “…and since you wanted to know more about me, these are some of my hobbies or things i like to do when I’m not a slave to my job”, and we’d talk about our hobbies and laugh. I tried to be silly and keep a sense of humor to help him feel at ease and that seemed to help out a lot in the flow of our conversation. Towards the end of this meeting, he asked what the upcoming week was like for me and if I wanted to pick a day to get together again.

Whoa dere guy.

While I’ve been on “dates” before where planning a second date came up in conversation (my ex and I actually did this on our first date, but it worked because there was a “spark” and we obviously really liked one another), it usually seemed more natural and was obvious that both parties sincerely felt a connection. I didn’t really feel that with him. Not that I didn’t like him, it just seemed a little difficult at first to get a steady conversation going. Being a bit shy (at times) and introverted, I can understand and I figured perhaps he’d be different the second time around so I decided to take him up on his offer. He walked me back to my car, we hugged and said goodbye. We texted back and forth that evening over random memes and jokes that we both referenced in conversation, but that was it. So last night, I’m minding my own grown ass business, when I get a text from him…

Hey, sorry I’m just getting to say hello to you today. Work has been insane. But hey, much later after our date, I realized that you remind me of my ex and I’m looking for something different, so I’m going to cancel Thursday. I’m so sorry.


But no, you’re not “sorry”, you’re rude, reckless and indecisive and here’s why:

So you mean to tell me, he asked for my number, he asked me out, he dictated where we went and when he changed those plans last minute, he stammered through two hours worth of conversation (where he had us out in the bitter ass cold), he asked for a second date and proceeded to plan it while still on our first date and he realized AFTER everything, that I reminded him of his EX?!!

Ok, first of all, if I went on a date with someone who, “reminded me of my ex”, I probably would have picked up on it pretty quickly. Second of all, so as long as the person didn’t have the negative qualities of my ex, I probably wouldn’t care that much, because in the big grand scheme of things, I don’t have an issue with him as a person (well ok, so  maybe other exes I might have a problem with, but still). Third of all, that’s just a really rude and flighty thing to do to someone…Like, WHO RAISED YOU?, but I digress.

Be a better person than this guy in 2018. Please.

I doubt it would have went anywhere anyway and if I’m being 100% honest, I was really just being nice for the sake of being nice. I didn’t see a connection there. It’s just the principle behind it though that’s kind of annoying.

Ha. I started to reply to his text, but then didn’t. It’s a waste of energy really? I’m trying to do this thing in 2018 where I don’t entertain anything that interrupts my peace. I can’t even really get mad about this because it’s literally the most silly and ridiculous thing I’ve had to deal with all year (a smooth 9 days in).

So there you have it. I guess I’m in this silly thing again. Boy, do I have tons of “exciting adventures” to look forward to 🙃. Can’t wait…

A Self-Diagnosis is Stupid.

For the better part of a month or so, I’ve had some pretty intense cramps, indigestion, nausea, dizziness, headaches, mood swings and unexplainable fatigue (like going to bed at 7 p.m., exhaustion). I’ve mostly ignored it for the past few weeks because well, you know, been a little occupied being depressed.

Anyway, I googled these symptoms and stumbled upon some articles that said, “could you be pregnant? Here are the common symptoms” Tell me why I pretty much had every single symptom. Bitch, nah.

nope - prince with monkey


First of all, I don’t even want to entertain this. I’m tired (mentally, physically and especially emotionally). And secondly, no. These symptoms are probably all separate of each other. Like maybe I’ve had these weird unsettling feelings with my stomach because I keep taking my medication without eating, and maybe I have indigestion because I’m eating really fast and inhaling a lot of air….maybe I’ve been nauseous because I’m eating really shitty (holiday) food (that I’m craving) this time of year, perhaps the dizziness and headaches are from stress, the and the moodiness and fatigue from being depressed/anxious. Yeah, that’s it.

Even so, the chance of that happening with a(n) (ex) partner who is (intentional medically) “sterile” are like 1-2% at best. Yeah, I’m going to go with, “NO for 500, Alex“.

Anyway, I typed all of that ridiculousness to basically insinuate attempting to diagnose yourself will leave you thinking that you have cancer, are pregnant or dying. 9 times out of 10, you’re probably ok and your mind is doing backflips into the pool of “assumptions” and “what ifs”.