A few days ago, I learned of the death of my boyfriend’s stepfather. He really never referred to the man as his “stepfather”, but his mom’s husband or simply by his first name. It’s fairly obvious to me that they were never close and maybe were never going to be.
Anyway, the news was particularly shocking because it was sudden and unexpected. Apparently it happened while they were out of the country on vacation late last week. I remember chatting with his mom just last month about how excited she was for the upcoming island getaway. From the sound of things, it seemed like his heart just gave out (he was an older gentleman).
While dying of a heart attack is unfortunate, the news hit me like a ton of bricks as I immediately thought about his mom and what she might be going through right now. I feel absolutely terrible for her. Losing your spouse is devastating, especially during a vacation, which is supposed to be happy and relaxing.
I spent much of the other day in a funk as I thought about how much she must be hurting right now and how she probably feels really lost and so overcome with emotion that she’s unable to process everything going on around her. Not only does she have to make funeral arrangements, but she also has to make arrangements to have her husband transported back home. I would be inconsolable.
I never spent much time with her late husband (I’ve seen him maybe 3 times total), but he seemed like a nice guy and I could tell that he made my boyfriend’s mom extremely happy. It seemed like they were a were so in love and lived a very fulfilling life together (even if it wasn’t a long one). To my understanding, they just got married at the end of last year and dated a few years prior to that.
My heart is broken for his mom. To make matters worse, I believe her birthday is later on this week and then come “the holidays”. Those tend to be the roughest times of the year for those who are grieving. I want to give her all of the love in the world, but I’m not quite sure how to without overstepping.
Aside from being alerted of the news via text (I believe his mom may have contacted him from a place with limited reception), The Teacher hasn’t spoken directly to his mother, but I’m sure they’ll be in touch soon once she arrives home.
This entire situation also put a lot things into perspective for me regarding my relationship with the Teacher. He’s never been one (or at least since I’ve known him) to take his health 100% seriously. He’s the kind of guy that rarely goes to the doctor (even if he’s really sick). I believe the last time he’s been to an actual doctor was when he broke his leg several years ago while in the military and hasn’t even regularly been back for follow-ups despite having to have actual metal placed in his leg. I often kind of laugh off his refusals to go, but now more than ever, I need him to go. We’re both in our 30s now and if we’re talking about marriage, I’d like to have as long and healthy of a marriage as I can.
I’ve never been one to like going to the doctor, but as I get older, I like to be more proactive about my health. A lot of things can be managed or even prevented by simply going to the doctor. Hopefully in time, I can convenience the Teacher to take his health seriously enough to go as well.