Weight Loss & Such

So for the past year or so, I’ve done pretty well with losing/maintaining weight. When I went for my physical a few months ago (right before I had lunch with this goofball–bad idea), my doctor was amazed that I had lost 50 lbs between February and November. She was also amazed to see that it seemed like my anxiety/depression was starting to level out thanks to proper medical management (little did she know I was faking the mental health aspect of my “progress” at the appointment).

Anyway, she asked how I did it and I simply told her I just paid more attention to what/how much I ate and *tried* to incorporate some sort of exercise into a few days of my week. Walking, running, dancing (badly), sex at one point…you know, things of that nature.

Of course, some recent events in my life have kind of derailed my focus in this area of my life and my focus at one pointed needed to be, “Did you eat something today? You need to eat.” or “Why are you eating that junk? Can’t you eat something non-processed“. Understandably, I needed to focus on taking care of my heart and mental/emotional health before even attempting to take on anything else of this consistent magnitude..so I sort of gave myself a pass through the holidays so as long as ate “something” everyday, because a few months back, I didn’t have much of an appetite at all.

Well, I weighed myself the other day for the first time since November and somehow, I’ve managed to maintain my weight even though I’ve completely come off of my health kick routine. Before I dated my ex, I had reduced my sugar intake, alcohol and coffee consumptions and most processed food (In fact…funny story, on our first date after he took me for beer and dinner, he also treated me to ice cream. The sugar content in the ice cream was so heavy that I got physically sick off of two spoonfuls).  I felt better during that time period than I ever had in my entire life and I’d like to get back there. I had more energy, I slept better and I was genuinely content. It also helped my anxiety and depression (which seemed to go dormant at the time).

I have no idea how I’ve even managed to maintain weight, let alone not gain any, but I guess lately even though I’ve been eating terribly, I’ve really only been basically eating one meal a day, just divided over different periods of the day. Take for instance the brunch I attended last Saturday… The sandwich and sweet potato fries I ordered was my first meal of the day. I consumed half of it there, walked around the perimeter of the art museum for 3 hours and ate the other half before heading out to game night later that evening, where I walked around a lot downtown. The day before that, I nibbled on produce at work (instead of eating lunch), because we had a two hour delay and I wanted to actually save room to savor the BBQ I planned to have later with the guys later (which I still didn’t finish) and last night, I went out for gourmet burgers and fries with my family, but again, I ate half of it and outside of an apple, it was basically the only thing I ate that day. So I guess the “give and take” method might be saving me right now.

Regardless, I still don’t feel “well” though and I’d like to. I need some sort of shock to my system. Like a reset of sorts. Ideally, I’d like to lose an additional 15-20 lbs and I think that’s possible if I get back on track.

While being super lazy on Sunday, I watched some youtube videos from bed. One of my more recent favorite youtube channels is the “TheOdd1sout“. He’s a super funny guy who uses animation to tell everyday stories from his life (the sooubway one is one of my favorites). Anyway, in one of his videos he describes the, “7 Day Vegan Challenge Baby (solves all your problems)”. In the video, he discusses how he took the challenge to eat a vegan diet for 7 days. See the video below:

While I found the video to be funny, I’ve been seriously thinking that challenge is something I’d like to do just to see if I can do it. I feel like it would be difficult, but it would help me to be more creative with food choices in situations where I’m attempting to eat a more plant based diet. Plus, it’s only a week, so by the time I got tired of it, It would be over.

I think I’m going to give this a shot as soon as my paycheck hits later this week–because I know some of this food may be pricey. I’ll have to write about it when I start and finish.

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Hello, 2018.

2018

I spent much of the last few hours of 2017 randomly road tripping and being fairly intoxicated, but in the midst of all of this craziness, I did take time to reflect on 2017 as a whole. The ups, the downs, the in between moments. I think 2017 as a whole wasn’t a bad year for me. Many amazing things happened and I learned some very valuable life lessons, including allowing myself to to fall in love and be loved in return.

Speaking of which, I briefly spoke to my ex yesterday while on the road. We had a cordial conversation and wished each other a Happy New Year. At the conclusion of our text message conversation, I told him that I hoped 2018 would be a great year for him and I genuinely meant it. He deserves it just as much as I do. Through all of this, I honestly believe he has been as nice as he possibly can be given the situation. This statement was also my way of saying goodbye to him indefinitely. I really don’t want to bring any of that into 2018. I’ve spent enough time and energy on it. I want to let go and move on and I will never be able to do that if we’re still in communication with one another. I will never be able to open my heart to someone else if I’m still stuck on this. This is not to say that I won’t EVER speak to him again, I just need a extended detox. I started the process of taking this detox seriously, by removing photos of him from my phone. I didn’t delete them forever and always, just moved them off of my phone and to a drive. I look forward to the day when/if we reconnect and we’re able to catch up on life as  old friends. I still support him in all that he does, as I told him I would a few days ago.

While bringing the new year in with one of my best friends and another one of his friends, I got a phone call from blast from the past wishing me a happy new year. He’s called every year for the past five years. The only year he missed was the first year we met where we spent it together. We sort of lost touch halfway through last year and of course I went MIA after hoping into a relationship that I never really told him about (even when we were in his city visiting for a day last year). I also intentionally refused to speak to him after he never returned my calls and texts telling him I needed a friend to talk to after the break up. When I did finally CALL HIM he addressed my messages, but never explained why he didn’t RETURN my cry for help. Anyway, I’m trying to shed holding grudges and being angry with people in 2018. I’d like to work on our friendship in the coming year and that starts with open communication. I don’t believe we need to be best friends or even speak on a daily basis, but I do want to have confidence in our friendship and that’s something I lost at the end of last year.

Speaking of things I want to work on in this year (not in any order of importance):

  • Maintaining a healthy lifestyle (physically, emotionally, mentally)
  • Being more open/honest with my emotions/needs
  • Financial stability
  • Keeping my heart open, but not wearing it on my sleeve
  • Staying more organized

Fingers crossed that I’m able to accomplish these goals–I won’t refer to them as “resolutions”, because these are things I’ve technically been working on since the end of last year anyway.

Here’s to a new year. May it be a good one 🙂

 

A Self-Diagnosis is Stupid.

For the better part of a month or so, I’ve had some pretty intense cramps, indigestion, nausea, dizziness, headaches, mood swings and unexplainable fatigue (like going to bed at 7 p.m., exhaustion). I’ve mostly ignored it for the past few weeks because well, you know, been a little occupied being depressed.

Anyway, I googled these symptoms and stumbled upon some articles that said, “could you be pregnant? Here are the common symptoms” Tell me why I pretty much had every single symptom. Bitch, nah.

nope - prince with monkey

Pause.

First of all, I don’t even want to entertain this. I’m tired (mentally, physically and especially emotionally). And secondly, no. These symptoms are probably all separate of each other. Like maybe I’ve had these weird unsettling feelings with my stomach because I keep taking my medication without eating, and maybe I have indigestion because I’m eating really fast and inhaling a lot of air….maybe I’ve been nauseous because I’m eating really shitty (holiday) food (that I’m craving) this time of year, perhaps the dizziness and headaches are from stress, the and the moodiness and fatigue from being depressed/anxious. Yeah, that’s it.

Even so, the chance of that happening with a(n) (ex) partner who is (intentional medically) “sterile” are like 1-2% at best. Yeah, I’m going to go with, “NO for 500, Alex“.

Anyway, I typed all of that ridiculousness to basically insinuate attempting to diagnose yourself will leave you thinking that you have cancer, are pregnant or dying. 9 times out of 10, you’re probably ok and your mind is doing backflips into the pool of “assumptions” and “what ifs”.